Pregnancy
Discussion Title: need of advice
Created by: softballde...
Created on: Wed, 02/06/2008 - 12:58pm.
Created by: softballde...
Created on: Wed, 02/06/2008 - 12:58pm.
hello,
hello i have a sister who has 3 kids. i also have 3 kids but i am 32 and she is only 21. i don't what to say to get through to her. i mean she just doesnt want to get her tubes tied because her present boyfriend wants to have more kids. but the truth of the matter is that she doesn't see or take care of any of her kids, it isn't her fault about not seeing them because her recent boyfriend will not allow her to see them. the only one that sdhe has custody of and that shse actually sees is her youngest. i want to be there for her and be with her but she just doesnt listen when you try to tell her that she need to get her life on straight. i dont think that i would mind her if when she lived in our house she would've not used me for money but she did. and i also don't think i would mind the fact that she had 3 kids if she were like a little bit older and responsible and if she would'nt have had them when she was only 16,18, and 20. can you give me some advice on what i should do for her please i am totally about done with her and so is my other sister and basically our whole family, all except for my 13 year old duaghter who admires her and lamost hates me because she thinks that i hate her aunt that she thinks is the god and i dont want my duaghter to hate me...
p.s.
please write me back with some advice
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Replied: 2/6/2008 3:53pm.
I'm sorry but sometimes you just have to say enough is enough. You have tried your best to make her listen to reason. You now have to let her get on with it. Don't let her spoil your relationship with your own family. I just feel sorry for her existing children which she doesn't see or the ones who will probably be conceived in the future. Is there anyone she will listen to? Are your parents still alive? Would she listen to them? Sorry I can't offer any advice which will help, but felt you needed some response.
Replied: 2/7/2008 12:13am.
I agree with Stephy, you can't do much about your sister. I think you need to address things with your daughter, though. That she admires your sister is troubling. I think I would stop talking about your sister's bad behavior, and just focus on how sad it is that her children don't have her for a mom. How they might miss her. Sometimes, when your daughter says something positive about your sister (not every time), talk about how it would be nice if her children knew that about her. Maybe that way your daughter could understand that bad behavior has consequences on lots of people, even little kids.
Replied: 2/18/2008 9:57am.
thank you for trying to help and you know how you said that you felt bed for the kids she already has and the kids to be conceived well now we all believe that she is pregnant because she went to the doctor that she went to to find out if she was pregnant with her first 3 and her boyfriend told my other sister that she was pregnant
Replied: 2/18/2008 1:05pm.
Who looks after her other children? Are they in the care of Social Services? I don't know about over there in the States, but here in Britain, if a mother has had her children 'taken into care' then a new baby would automatically be either put on an 'at risk' register or taken into care. Not an ideal start in the world for any child, but probably better than being brought up by your sister and her boyfriend. I don't know how much he has led her astray and if there is any way you can get her to leave him and work towards reuniting her family. That would probably be a long and very supervised process. Might not be a good idea to unsettle the other children again anyway. Hopefully they are being well taken care of at the moment.
Replied: 2/21/2008 10:37am.
well actually the other kids are with their grandparents who are split up and remarried! the oldest ryland is withhis grandmother and bill. the middle child kaidn is with his grandfather and lorrie. the reason that they are not in the custody of the social services is because my family didn't want to not be able to see them so our parents took them for us. and the youngest one that she has the only reason that she still has him is because she was staying with me and had a job when he was born so hey said that she was sorta stable so they let her keep him and now look where she is i want the youngest and so does my other sister but i have no room for him and my other sister lives in florida and can't get another plane ticket so that the seats are together for when she comes in in march. so yeah pretty hecktic and now i feel that i am puting all of my problems on you guys and agian i thakn you for all of the advice.
Replied: 2/21/2008 4:02pm.
Please don't worry about 'putting your problems on us'. This is what these message boards are all about. To give and receive help and support from people who have been there before or have some insight into what you are going through.I am glad that her other children are with grandparents and not in care. It's just a pity they can't grow up together.
I wish you all well for the future and hope some solution which suits everybody, especially the children, can be found. Let us know what happens.