How do you help someone that doesn't seem to help themself?
I am the youngest child of 4. I have 1 sister (early 30's) and 2 brothers (late 30's). For one reason or another everyone has financial problems. In some way or another I have helped each one of my siblings financially during my adult life however, my sister has been the person I have helped the most. My sis had her 1st child when she was 18, fresh out of high school. She now has 3 kids and has always depended on my mother to help her financially (dead, dead, dead beat dads and laziness on my sis's part to seek legal help). Prior to turning 18, my mom pretty much worked to support me, my ADULT sister and her 3 kids. Due to the ongoing support of my mom, my sist never really had a REASON to work b/c she new mom would find a way for her & her kids to have what they needed. She relied on my mom's support and public assistance. After graduating college in 2004, I moved out w/ a roommate & eventually got married & moved out-of-state. During my last year of college, my sis also started to take classes.During this time, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. As her illness progressed, my sis continued to go to school, but could never get into clinicals & had taken all of her core classes, so there was nothing else she could take without wasting money. My mom then required constant help & it became difficult for my sis to take classes. My mom passed in March 2007. My sister was basically left to support herself & kids. She got an office job a few months after my mom passed, but was only making a dollar or so more than min. wage...not enough for 4 people to live off of, even with publec assistance. She was fired (another chapter)but got another job as a cashier a few months later. I have helped her financially with bills, food, and gas money when she needed it. I also would send money for birthdays and to reward the kids for good grades. I often ask her why she won't look for a better job. She says that she doesn't have the time (b/c normally she works most of the business day) and when she is off, she doesn't have extra gas money to go different places to apply. He home was burglurized last yr around Christmas, and her computer was taken, so she doesn't have immediate access to apply online. Although tedious, I have offered to help her by having her MAIL me her paper resume to post online, so that I can do the job searching for her. She has yet to mail me the resume. Prior to our recent move to a new state (and becoming unemployed), My husband and I have asked if we can help by having 1 or 2 of her kids come live with us for a yr (not all 3 b/c one of them has been very disrespectful towards us). She has said NO b/c she doesn't want to feel like a "failure as a parent". So, today, she TEXTED to ask me for money to make her car payment. I told her that I don't work and don't contribute anything to our bank account and that she should ask my husband (they are close), because he is the sole provider. Thank GOD for a savings account! So, to make this part short, we help and she never CALLS to say "Thanks". Yea, she says thanks at the end of the text message where she asked for help initially...but it's not the same, especially considering the amount of $$ involved. I help because I don't want to see the kids do without and because she has no other family support where she is. After my mom passed, our family structure changed. We do have cousins in the area, but communication just came to a hault. It's sad b/c we all used to be such a close family, but it changed immediately after my mom's funeral. I have made so many suggestions to her and I know she wants to change, but I can't make her change and more importantly, I don't have the income to keep helping with large bills. DANG, I'm not working now, so it's ALL on my husband. The worst part is, even when I want to say "NO", I am so scared that the kids will go without transportation, food, lights, water, etc. I need advice...anything will help.