ckb29's picture

4 yr old & new baby - help

I have a 4 week old son and a 4 year old son. My fomerly independent, well-behaved but rambunctious 4 year old is now using all the bad words he knows, repeatingly stating "i pooped my pants" (when he hasn't) and trying all the negative methods to gain our attention.  I've tried everything i've read and am at my wits end. I want my child back, it's like watching a neighbor's child that I don't know that well.  Between the few hours of sleep at night and my son's behavior, it's wearing me down. Any advice please!!!

Jothegrill's picture

When my son was born, my 2 year old daughter really enjoyed being involved in the baby's care. You've probably already tried this, but maybe having your 4 year old help you take care of the baby will help them bond more and you can give them both attention at the same time. Good luck, I know this is hard.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I agree. It's great if your 4 yr old can become "mommy's little helper". Get him as involved as you can. There may be some jealousy going on, and that's normal, but that will pass. I have 2 boys, 15 mos apart, so I know how hard it can be. If you can get someone to help you, a family member or friend, or even a babysitter, that wld be great too. Maybe then you can get out for a short time w/ your older son and give him some 1 on 1 time. Also, when your youngest son gets a little older, maybe you can join a playgroup or mommy and me class w/ both of your children. You'll have other parents to socialize w/ as well.

Only2boys's picture

I would try rewarding your 4 yr old. Do something easy like giving him stars for good behavior each day with either a reward each day or every couple of days. You could have him put sticker stars on each day of the calendar when he earns them. You could do small rewards like matchbox cars, or stickers, or a piece of candy, or mommy and me time where he could chose what you do... like read books, or sing, etc. Ask him what he would like for a reward for good behavior and stars. My boys are just shy of four years apart and I think it is hard being the only child for four years and then all of a sudden sharing mommy. Like the other posters said get your 4 yr old involved in the care of his brother. Try to really encourage the good behaviors and ignore what you can of the bad. Hang in there!


jimrich's picture

Jealousy is NOT NORMAL! It is only there because the parent has failed to set the stage for their kids to feel secure and happy with each other.
Aside from all the good advice here, I'd learn as much as you can about how to instill and maintain happiness, peace, SECURITY and joy in your troubled child who is obviously frightened, angry and JEALOUS of the "threatening" newcomer. I feared and hated my little sister all because our parents did not teach us to love and respect each other in their very unhappy marriage & troubled home. They, not us kids, were the problem!

BenandSarahmom's picture

Please ignore the last unsupportive and negative comment! It is a normal feeling for your 4 year old as long as it is a temporary feeling during an adjustment phase! Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing, it should pass and get better.