lisam29's picture
lisam29

Violent tendencies of an 11 yr old in after school care

There is an 11 yr old boy that is in after school care with my 10 yr old daughter.
This boy has hit my daughter on two separate occasions. The first happened when she was in 4th grade. She wouldn't give him what she was playing with and he shoved her so hard she fell back and hit her neck on a table. This past fall he tried to take something from her again, started pinching her arm, she told him to stop several times then slapped his hand and told him to stop again and he slapped her across the face so hard it left a print then yanked her hair so hard some of her hair came out. Yesterday my daughter came home telling me that this boy was hit in the head with a ball, accidentally, while playing on the gym floor and he yells "What the f***!" He also kicked a boy to the ground and continued to kick him while he was curled up in a ball.
I have discussed with the teachers in afterschool care and their supervisor, had it put on file and even spoken to his mother on the phone prior to yesterday. The supervisor told me she thought he had a crush on my daughter and that might explain why he acts out toward her. The problem is he acts out toward others as well.
I am worried about what this child is capable of doing and am afraid that someone will end up seriously hurt. What is the best way to handle this? I'm documenting incidents and dates. I know if he touches my daughter again I may very well have him "arrested" on assault charges.



SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

I don’t know how I missed that this was after school care.

Whether at school, or in after school care, what this kid is doing to your daughter is nothing less than assault. Place the care center and this boys parents on notice that you intend to press charges if he assaults your daughter again, and may seek a restraining order.

If the center she goes to has a corporate office, contact them and make them aware of the ongoing issues. It sounds like your daughter has been at the same place for a while and I understand that you may not want to move her, and I don’t think you should. If anyone should be made to move, it is the person who is acting out.

Your child has a right to go through her day without having to deal with this miserable child. Whether this boy has a crush on your daughter or not is not at issue. The issue is that he is assaulting her, and it needs to stop immediately. Nothing less should be accepted.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Ditto!!!!

The "crush" aspect is just an excuse and is a scary one at that. Do these people seriously think this behavior can be explained away by this lame excuse? Get going on taking care of this problem using the advise of SnglDad!!!!

acitez's picture
acitez

Kicking the other child who was in a defensive posture should also be prosecuted. I wonder if the same dynamic applies here as when children witness domestic violence.

I used to provide child care. I was providing care for an infant, a kindergartner, a pre-schooler and a couple of toddlers. (Many of them were part-time, I usually had no more than three at once.) I took on another toddler, and there began to be some hitting that I could not keep up with. I told the new clients to find other care and I refunded their deposit. If you don't have the staffing to provide safety for your clients, either hire more or better train your staff, or reduce your clientele.

lisam29's picture
lisam29

The after school program is in the gym at her elementary school. The other scary aspect is this boy is in middle school and my daughter will start the same middle school in the fall. The middle school sends him to the elementary at the end of the day to the after school care program as his brother is still in elementary.
Believe me when I say that I came unglued when the second incident happened. I love how administrators/supervisors try to disarm you and subsequently blow you off with excuses like a crush. Since the program is contracted the school takes the stance that it isn't a school issue. I told them I wanted an incident report filed in the school office and have been assured that it was but maybe I should check.
Thank you for the input. I didn't think I was overreacting.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

No you are not overreacting in the least, although they would like for you to believe so. Let them know that from now on it will not be an incident report, but a police report. I would contact the school district. They should hold their contractors to keeping the same standards concerning bullying as the school does. And if this is not a school issue, why then would they allow you to believe that they filed an incident report in the office. They are responsible, they just dont care to deal with this issue. Do not back down.

acitez's picture
acitez

If they'd contracted the transportation to some company, and it turned out the buses were being operated in a way that was not safe, they would be obliged to hire another contractor.

As for thinking this behavior-- "he shoved her so hard she fell back and hit her neck on a table. This past fall he tried to take something from her again, started pinching her arm, she told him to stop several times then slapped his hand and told him to stop again and he slapped her across the face so hard it left a print then yanked her hair so hard some of her hair came out" --is indicative of a crush . . . I would report whoever said that to the superintendent. That is just nuts, and this person should have no authority over children of either sex.