ppagnt's picture

Son thinks he doesnt have any friends

My 1st grader who seems to be a happy go lucky kid came home today and told me that he doesnt have a friend thru tears.  He has always been sensitive and has played with the girls for the most part.  We have never seen this as an issue.  Lately though I think the gender issue is kicking in and the girls want to play with the girls and my son is having problems relating to the boys.  I hate seeing him so upset, he is such a good kid.  Any ideas how I should handle this, he has always loved school and now doesnt want to return.  I just want to do what is best for him....This is my first post....thanks for all your help!

gail's picture

the thing that would be (has been) the most difficult for me is to not be as upset as my child.  Let his emotion be the emotion that is important in the exchange.  He will be better able to manage his emotions if your emotions are under wraps.  If, in a couple of days, he isn't back to his old self, then look into some extra-curricular things, community service organizations, theater, martial arts, something that lets him develop relationships independent of school.  If you have extended family that isn't nuts close by, this would be an opportunity, too.   

Anonymous's picture

Aw, how heartbreaking as a mom this must be!


I would have a talk with his teacher.  She may be able to help matters by partnering him up with other children for activities-- that may foster a friendship.  At the very least, this way you can make her aware of this problem so she can alert you to anything she can see that may help you help him.


Then, if he does start the buddings of a friendship with someone, help it along by inviting the child over for a playdate.  This way, too, you can see for yourself how he is relating to his peers, to be aware of any problem area.

Good luck!

flowermom's picture

I have two children.  One daughter who is 11 and a son who is 8.  We went through the same sort of thing with my daughter at around that age and she was a very outgoing child.  My son deals with this on a regular basis. Let me first start by saying that kids are mean.  My son is very sensitive too, he also came home in tears about kids picking on him and not wanting to play etc.  I found if very unsettling.  I told him that he was such a special boy and that I loved him and was glad that he told me what was going on.  Then I told him to try and go out of his way to ask other kids to play.  We went like that for a few weeks and I always made a point of asking him how his day went.  It worked out well for us.  I always want to have the lines of communication open for both of my kids to tell me anything...so far so good.  I guess if that doesn't work out maybe you could go to his teacher and ask for advice.  The teacher may be able to tell you things that your son didn't and can maybe help.  At least the teacher would be aware that there is an issue and then can keep an eye out to see what is happening and help to fix it,

teachlit's picture

Your childs teacher should make sure that all the children in her class interact with every other child. Set up a meeting with her and ask her to incorporate your son into the class more. He has come home stating he has no friends. If she is a teacher worth her title she will work with you. On your end, take him to the park to play with the children in the neighborhood. Enroll him in an afterschool program such as the boys and girls club, it's free....He will make all the friends he needs with this recipe.  Good luck

jason's picture

I agree i would speak with his teacher and at the same time enroll him in some sort of after school program maybe he has an interest in some sort of sport and can join a team or even play for fun at a park. Having a child speaking with mom or dad can end up causing some problems if the father thinks his son is fine and you dont next thing you know you'll be asking your selves how do i save my marriage all because our child doesnt have friends.

tamz's picture

This seems so completely normal to me. I have three sons and two of them have said the same exact things to me. With my first son (who is now 20) I felt much like you do. He generally played with the girls and he was never too aggressive like the boys are. He would tell me he had no friends and it would break my heart. He grew out of it and eventually found lots of boy friends. My little boy (who is now 8) told me from k-the first part of 2nd grade that he had no friends. He is not aggressive and still has female playmates. I am a single mom and I wonder if that has something to do with it. encouage your son to "make" friends. Encourage him to be brave and talk with the other boys.

aneta's picture

This is exactly what my 2nd grade son told me few days ago. Nobody wanted to play with him and he hid somewhere and cried. It broke my heart when I heard that. But I think it could be something that every child goes through. It seems very common at that age. But if the situation doesn't improve with time I would definetly talk to the teacher so she can make sure that no child is left behind.