Vicki, thank you for that. I am so glad you finally got the help you needed. Good luck to you. Nice to hear your story.

Hi Jeanne,

This is a hard decision. However, I had to decide myself which direction to send my 4 th grader. I read all the research out there for retention. The only thing I came up with is that my son was not ready socially/emotionally, (he is ADD inattentive type and had the worst year in 4th last school year), to move to 5th. We were fortunate that we actually moved schools so he started fresh this year and he is doing a phenomenal job now. His self-confidence is through the roof and where he did not talk before, he is now expressing himself even more and doing a pretty darn good job at it. He is making B's and C's versus D's and F's last year.I have seen kids repeat Kinder and that did not help them at all. In fact, as a kinder aide one year, a child repeated and all he did was move from one class to the next. His confidence fell and he always said he knows this stuff already. He was a  bright kid, just learned a little differently from the others. Research I saw said sometimes the results of retention is short lived. I decided to take the risk and I am happy that my son is doing well this year. I guess it boils down to what you feel in your gut is the best thing for him and as long as you have a great relationship with your child's teacher, she should be able to help with your decision.

Hi. I am a mother of three boys, 17, 13, and 7.  We are presently living in Taiwan and attending an international school.  We came last summer, 2006, and our youngest, November birthday, so 5 at the time, was scheduled to be in Kindergarten.  Being in a new culture, and being in school all day after having been with me most of the time, he became very upset about this separation.  I was the first grade teacher last year and the students in my class were also turning 6 at the beginning of the year, as the cut off is different here. I chose to have him join me, I am a teacher, and I could help him.  Well, although it was great to be together all day, it was also difficult for him because he wasn't ready, but I kept thinking that he would catch up and I would help him. The last thing he wanted from me in the evenings and on weekends was to be his teacher, he wanted me to be his MOM.  He managed to get by but was always feeling down because he was slower than the others. I am now the Kindergarten teacher and he is in First grade again and doing really well....and it has nothing to do with the teacher! :-) It has everything to do with readiness and we can't push that...they read when they are ready and write when their fine motor skills are developed. He is enjoying this new experience.  We explained to the students in our class last year that he was the youngest and we really wanted him to be one of the older ones in the class and so we were holding him back.  They have been great about the whole thing.  Now he has great friends in 2nd grade and has made new friends in 1st grade.  He is reading and writing better than ever and feeling confident! The most important part of all of this.  We can push children along to save embarrassment, but isn't helping them feel confident about their abilities more important? I personally think so.
 On another note, my oldest son wishes that we had him start school later.  He has always been an average student and interested in sports.  Because he was one of the youngest in the class, he was also not as developed and therefore lost playing time for soccer due to his size and took alot of teasing from kids who went through their growth spurt before him...he now looks down on many of them.  Last year we put him back in 10th grade at our International school mostly because the school is developing and there wasn't an 11th grade last year and he was doing online work.  This wasn't going so well as he is a social person, so we opted to have him join the 10th grade class.  We have seen him flourish and grow in confidence as a student.  As his college years are quickly approaching, this extra year is a blessing.  He will be much more capable of being on his own and doing well in college when the time comes in 2009.  We held two kids back in one year....and we are thankful that we did.  Our sons are so much happier now and that makes us happy.

I am struggling with the same question.   I have 2 children, both August birthdays.  They are currently in 1st and 2nd grade and are among the youngest in their grades.

My daughter, the 2nd grader is struggling the most.  She is diagnosed with ADHD and has an IEP.  She is at standard for reading, but struggles in other areas.  Most notably writing anything.  She struggled both in kindergarten and first grade, primarily with social issues.  She continues to improve her own behavior, but is still immature.  She feels very bad that she does not have friends at school.  I had mentioned to the "team" at school last year (1st grade) that I was thinking of possibly holding her back.  I was told that because she had an IEP, they wouldn't want to hold her back.   We were able to place her in a 1/2 split class at the beginning of the year.  I thought that would be a perfect opportunity, 1) to be with more people closer to her age 2) be a possible transition point if holding back next year.  Unfortunately, the class was separated after 2 weeks and she is now in a straight 2nd grade class.

I have continued to talk to her about possibly repeating a grade. She has said more than once that she wants to be held back and not be the youngest.  I think she is hoping to gain more friends.

I would be concerned about holding her back and being in the same grade as her brother.  If possible, I would like to hold him back.   He is quite far behind in reading and writing.

Sandy

My daughter had an 'additional year' of support in kindergarten (I don't consider it as 'holding back'). I'm sooo glad that I did it. I chose to think what would be best for her, and it didn't matter what others thought.