Pregnancy
Discussion Title: Repeat first grade???
Created by: mom2julesj...
Created on: Wed, 05/09/2007 - 3:22pm.
Created by: mom2julesj...
Created on: Wed, 05/09/2007 - 3:22pm.
Hi,
Hopefully, someone can give me some feedback.
My son, Jacob, is in the first grade. He will be 7 on August 15, so he's one of the youngest in his class. He has been struggling all year with reading, which often affects other subjects. He goes for special reading help with the learning specialist and has made some very slow progress. He is reading at like a "primer" level and to me, is starting to progress forward to the next level very soon.
His teacher really feels that he should be held back in first grade. She says he has some maturity issues that really show. She constantly has to keep him on track and keep him working at the tasks. I asked her if she felt it was an attention problem. She feels it is not because he does not have that "spacey" look when not being attentive. She does not think he's exhibiting symptoms of like ADD. She thinks it's a maturity problem and that he might be just shutting off the lesson because he feels overwhelmed by it. I ask him about school and he says it's easy....his work is often rushed. When he doesn't feel like it..he just writes "mumble-jumble".
I don't know what to do. Part of me feels he needs to stay back another year....part of me says that would hurt him too much.
Any ideas?
Jeanne
mom-Jacob 6 and Julia 9
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Replied: 5/29/2007 11:14pm.
I am having the similar problems only my son was born April 4. Since my son was a toddler i notice that he was having some delays and the daycare teacher also allerted me to the problem. I sign him up for pre-k thinking that with other kids and a real school environment he might catch up. All through pre-k he struggled. But he was getting speech help and I was working with the teacher, principle and speech teacher in a group set up for him call IEP. Where we have a meeting every quarter and talk about his achievments and work on his goals for the next quarter. So at the end of the year the school said that it was ok for him to move on because he would get the same help and more in kindergarden. Well the the kidergarden year was like pre-K. He struggled his whole year and I met with the IEP group the whole year and the school had offered tutoring so we did that to. He achieve some goals but not enough. His kindergarden teacher recommended for him to be retain. I did not want him be retained. Plus the school grade did not meet my expectation anymore. So I fought with the teacher on the met withe principle and the school pass him. So this year I assign him to another school. This school goes well and beyond to meet my expectation. And I have been meeting with the IEP group set up for him there. Right now he is testing with the school psycohlogist. I havent recieve the results from the psycohlogist yet, but I am already thinking on holding back what ever the test results say. His teacher let me know that if the test show that he has a ld that he would get more help and be able to pass. I have sruggled with my son all year. I am like he still should get that help if he is identified with a ld if I leave him back in the first grade. My mom and my sister debate with me everyday on this. I have done the research on this subject. I am leaning 50/50. I want him to move to exceed but part of me is like dont let him go on if he is struggling. I am beating myself up because I should have let him start school and year late and so part comes from me having him at sixteen. I read somewhere that teen mothers babies are likely to have a ld in school. So that is eating me up the most like i did it to him because I had him at a early age. But I am stuck. Do I let him go because I know that he going to get the help or should I hold him back because he needs a little more learning to do.
Replied: 5/30/2007 9:56pm.
I am a teacher and mother of 2 boys. I could not read at the end of 1st grade and was held back (also went to summer school). This was the best thing that could have happened to me, because I really learned how to read.
When my oldest son was in kindergarten I wanted to hold him back due to imaturity, and was talked out of it because he was reading. In high school he was way more immature than most and he struggled with that and now that he is in college he still feels like an outsider. If a child needs to be held back, 1st grade is the time to do it, not in later grades.
Replied: 6/6/2007 5:56pm.
It may be late for me to reply to this, but here is my opinion. My daughter has no problem with school. She will be entering the 8th grade has had nothing but A's (kindergarden up)! She was born in November, which makes her one of the oldest in the classroom. Her friends are equally smart, they are also older kids. How are you sons friends? Do you talk to the other parents? Do you talk to your child daily about what's going on? How much help do you offer? Never do his work, but be ready to give examples!
My daughter has had people in her class who were held back. Yes, some were in Kindergarden, and First grade when this happen. These kids are a year behind, but I have never heard any of the other kids tease them. I have never heard any parents say letting the kid repeat these early grades was a mistake. The mistake would be to send them on when they are not prepared.
Don't be a shame to let the child repeat a grade. You HAVE NOT failed as a parent. You will be doing the right thing. If he catches up, in most areas you can have him tested and moved ahead (if that's what you want).
Send him to summer school. Visit the library. Purchase reading and workbooks for your home. Read with him. When your child is well prepared you will both be happier!
Replied: 6/8/2007 8:32pm.
I disagree with of most of responders. I think before you say yes to retaining your child you need to read the latest research on retention. Peer reviewed journals and referenced studies are the best. Don't base your decision on heart or gut when dealing with your child's education. Look for articles or books written by David Elkind (the hurried child) or others who are experts in the area of education, retention and schools. You need to determine what the school is actually doing and which direction they are leading the children (educationally). Are his needs being met? What type of learner is he? What's the teaching style? There are many questions to ask before you make a decision that can have an effect on your child's self -esteem.
Replied: 6/18/2007 5:41am.
Have you considered having his eyes tested by a behavioural optometrist? I had the same problem with my daughter and she had an extensive eye tests with a behavioural optometrist only to discover that the page "moves" and she is not able to read as the words move and merge into one another, and she also looses her place. Once she got the glasses and did the daily exercises her reading improved dramatically.
Replied: 6/20/2007 6:25pm.
Jeanne,
As a mother of a child receiving special education services, I can identify with your concern! You know your son best and if there is a part of you that believes he should be held back he may need to do so. It is a hard decision to make and no parent wants their child to struggle in any way! Your son really is a young first grader! As a teacher I have first hand experience dealing with children who are younger than the group. Not always but quite often the maturity level is very noticable! If your son is definately displaying behavior associated with immaturity I would definately consider holding him back! If his behavior is more of an academic concern, I would consider meeting again with the school's special ed. department and reviewing his education plan! My son sounds SO much like your son! He was very frustrated in first through third grades and was unable to read or write. When we switched to another school system, his needs were better identified and he took off academically! He is now entering the eighth grade and continues to require special ed. services. His writing can still be very difficult to read but he now reads like a pro! Don't give up! My son was so frustrated in school that he used to throw his homework folder away daily! His work was never completed in class and he tended to play with anything he could put his hands on instead of doing his work. It was difficult for us to work with him because we thought he didn't care or wasn't trying hard enough! The problem wasn't with his behavior but with his ability to learn the way the other children were learning.When we found that there were tons of resources available to him, found teachers that cared and were willing to modify creativly, and let him know that we were proud of him regardless, he began to soar! My first recommendation would be to sit down with an administrator in your son's school and discuss who are possible teachers for your son for the next school year and what types of modifications are they willing to provide your child in the classroom to make him successful. Textbooks come on tape and you can ask if this may be something that might be worth while for your son. Writing assignments can be taped or spoken to another to type for him. It is just my opinion that many times it is more important to get the idea out than the process of writing! In no way am I saying your son should not write or learn to write but he should be able to express his thoughts without the worry of getting it down on paper. I'm not a special ed. teacher and they certainly would be of more assistance to you but always ask questions, do some research, etc. Especially at this age, you don't want school to be a turn off! The other thing to consider is that if your child is going to be held back a grade, now is the time to do so. He will suffer the least amount of peer pressure now. And finally, I worry about the teacher who is making statements that your child is not demonstrating ADD symptoms by giving that "spacey" look. Your child's teacher should only describe exactly what they've observed and refer you to the appropriate person in the building to better help you! Also, your child's pediatrician is the person to talk to for questions concerning attention disorders. I hope this is of some help to you. Stay strong! Your only want what is best for your son and pat yourself on the back for being a concerned and involved parent!
Replied: 6/20/2007 6:33pm.
hi, held my son back in 1st grade and it was the best decision our family made---it was a issue of him just not being ready....he is now going in 4th grade and is exactly where he should be....he even admits that school is easier because he got "held back"
Replied: 7/6/2007 5:19pm.
My son's birthday is on August 13th and we chose to hold him back a year prior to enrollment into Kindergarten. I believe that is the best decision we could have made. My mother is a retired teacher and, when we were in the decision phase on this, she did some research and found that 60% of all children held back in the earlier grades had summer birthdays and started school being the youngest in their classes. My son is now 10 and going into 5th grade. Because he is older than his peers, he also enjoys the benefits of being emotionally and physically more mature, which is a great confidence-booster for boys! He is in the Gifted and Talented program and is excelling in all areas. I personally feel that if you wait any longer before deciding to hold your son back, it could have the opposite effect on his confidence. If I were in your position, I would strongly consider meeting with some education experts to assist with your decision and, if you think you may hold him back at some point down the road, do that now. Good luck!
Replied: 7/8/2007 5:59am.
Well, no one but a doctor can evaluate and diagnose your son. Take it from a parent who has 4 boys who range in ages starting at twins that are 14, son who is 15 and the oldest who is 17 going on 25.
I had my middle son tested for adhd when he was in 1st grade. He had numerous problems, his school principal kept calling me and asking me to come get him. He was "disrupting" the class, etc. He was soon diagnosed as ADHD, ODD, and as having anger-based tourette snydrome.
Since then all 4 of my boys have been evaluated and have ADHD or ADD. As well as myself having Adult ADHD. I always knew that i was different, i felt different. I was always in the "special ed" classes. Not because i was stupid, but because the teacher didnt want to take time to help me or to explain subjects to me.
Do your son a big big favor and make an appointment with your primary care doctor and explain to him your concerns. Dont suggest or say anything about ADHD or ADD, thus if the symptoms sound like ADHD to your dr., then he will make the call without any "thoughts" being put in his head...so to speak. It made me feel even more sure that the correct diagnosis would be made. {i didnt feel like i had given him any "false" ideas..if you know what i mean.
As for the "spacey" look theory of the ditzy teacher... lolol geezz... amazing.. what cracker jack box did she come from....haha
Good luck..please feel free to contact me if you have anything further you would like to ask or wonder about..
Good luck to you and your son..
=) Steffers
Replied: 7/13/2007 4:29pm.
I love the question and replies.... I prayed about the same thing all last year. I received confirmation to retain the 1st grade and feel total peace about my decision.
My biggest challenge I faced was my son was an honor roll student all 4-semesters retaining an average 89 or higher.
After receiving his Stanford test for 1st grade and comparing them to the kindergarten I realized that being the youngest in his class does make a difference.
I am excited about this upcoming year... My son and I had the conversation about these 6-months ago. Once my prayer was answered I made an appointment with the Principal, expressed my concerns and the school honored my wishes.
My son is excited....his words "now I can have fun and teach the kindergartens." He will be advanced and learning will be "fun" not a chore.
In addition I took it one step further; being a homeroom mom I contact all his homeroom parents & other 1st grade homeroom moms sharing my decision. I did not have to do that but I prefer the message be communicated from me instead of assumptions being made. I owe that to my son.
So what we are preparing for now is how he can if he responds to that million dollar question....
BTW you would be surprise how many parents "wish" they made that decision. At least I was when I shared my concerns....
Good luck and remember we have to Freedom to choose for our children at this age.
Blessed and Highly Favored