nmtkar's picture

my son 10 is stubborn & defiant

my son 10 in 5 th grade has been very headstrong stubborn & defiant since he was a baby. he cannot be screamed at or punished for anything he decides to do or not as if i try it, all hell brakes lose. he also has aquired this from my hubby who was same as a child more spoilt though. till 4 th gr he has been doing well this yr grades r up and down and he does seem to lose intrest in school. he does not take intrest in any sports as none of us r athletic but only likes techy stuff like my hubby luvs history of things technology reads but h.w is rushed to finish asap. xbox is his passion and so is internet where he researches history of star wars. he is v shy but a good kid but likes to do what he likes and if i try to discipline, says i treat him like a slave and i need to leave him alone. i am worried abt his grades going down and he not doing as well in middle school when it will get tougher due to lack of interest and the lazy attitude. what shud i do

chicago2009's picture

I say you should take something that he he adores, such as the internet and xbox. If that doesnt work try a military/bootcamp school. That will teach him how to act. But before all this try to sit down and talk to him about his promblems. Kids tend to have a feeling where they aren't being loved as they should be. so try this.

Sister83's picture

I think you already know what you need to do, though it's easier said than done. Give him rules and responsibilities and show him there are consequences for breaking them. He's not going to like it, but you'll just have to deal with the temper tantrums for a while. Nip this in the bud now. If you feel that you cannot punish him, take him to counseling, or go to counseling youself for advice on how to handle him.

I have a brother who had similar issues when he was ten. My parents found it too difficult to discipline him. I think they believed it would somehow get better, but it never did- and the older your child gets the harder it will be to control him. My brother is 16 now and these issues are MUCH worse. I think the lack of structure and discipline has caused a lot of problems in his life- he doesn't have many friends and has very low self-esteem. He goes to school on the internet a few hours a day and lies around on the couch sleeps and watches TV. He is interested in nothing.

Your kid is probably not exactly like my brother, but I'm sharing this as a cautionary tale of sorts. No matter how hard it is, address the problem now, because it will only get worse.