Momof2girls's picture

My 10 year old Daughter has no friends:(

Hi I have a 10 year old daughter that just started 5th grade, although she is very smart and pretty also, she has trouble keeping friends. This years class has a clique which seems to bother her.. She is not being bullied but being ignored which breaks my heart:( In 3rd grade she made friends with a nice girl and they became the best of friends they would call each other have playdates..In our town they sometimes loop the classes so my daughter stayed with the same class for 3rd & 4th grade. For this year 5th grade they separated them no she is in a class with no one she connects with and her bestfriend is in a class with a bunch of other girls she knows so she doesn't pay attention to my daughter at all... It's almost as like they need to only play with the girls that are in their class and that's it.It's hard for the kids but even harder for the Mom's:(

2xstepmom's picture

While this may seem difficult for your daughter, the fact is, the reason for school is for children to get a good education. Your daughter is not there as a means to have a social life. Provide a social life for her outside of school if that is important to you. Life is full of cliques. This is encountered in every class, office, religious, social organization or even families. It is up to you to make this situation not so important to her. Encourage her to be the best student she can be. Enrole her in other activities such as Girl Scouts, music or dance classes or sports outside of school. There are many ways for you to help her to make and have friends. Don't take this so personally and she won't either.

Kelster's picture

I'm sorry your child is having difficulty. Kids, especially girls can be horrible. Make sure you put the teacher and the principal on notice. A little group therapy can do wonders. Also I'd suggest getting her involved with an outside activity so she has some friends. the problem is once they start the downward spiral it makes it even harder to make friends. Get her into some self defense classes so she can learn to be more secure in herself.

Emorocks's picture

Hi.I am 10 and i am like your daughter too.I have no friends and i get ignored too.

Healthymom2011's picture

I can definitely relate to your situation. I have a daughter who is 11 years old. She is very pretty. She is a honor roll student. She has made the selected choir, joined a swim club, and also takes an American Sign Language (ASL) course outside of school.

Even though my daughter is an honor roll student, she had to get help in school with reading. According to our state, it is required for the students to take a basic skill test for certain subjects. Depending on how well they do, determines what reading class she is put into. My daughter also has Attention Deficit Disorder, which is hard for her to focus during

to talk that can relate to problems they are having. As us being moms, we are not pre-teens growing up in 2000's. We do not deal with the same things issues We immediately went to and a few friends that she hangs out with at school. I am just not sure why she doesn't have that I am part

Healthymom2011's picture

Some of the things that other girls in her grade are able to do is have a facebook/my space account. My daughter is only 11, I told her that she must be 13. They also are able to have relationships with boys. We are not letting our daughter date until she is 16 years of age. They also have cell phone, which we let our daughter have for 2 reasons: one she started babysitting recently after taking her babysitting training course. Most homes no longer have land lines. Do it would have been hard for her to call anyone incase of an emergency. Two, if she is going to be hanging out by herself at the tubing park, it is important for me to keep in contact with her.

Recently we purchased her a season pass for a snow tubing park do that she could call a few girls from her school to go tubing with. I am hoping this pushes her to meet other girls her age.

whymykid's picture

I see all of these helpful suggestions that don't work my daughter has the same issues and she has tried inviting friends over, they always have other things to do, we have had parties, talked with teachers, joined church groups, cheer groups, art groups but nothing its crushing to hear my daughter ask why doesn't anyone invite me to there party or ask me over. I don't know why? All she wants is one person to WANT to be her friend. GIRLS ARE EVEL, I watched my little confident 5 year old grow into an insecure sad 11 year old. We have chosen homeschooling now I could not put her through another days misery of going to school and eating lunch alone, standing outside during recesses watching others play, being the last one picked in gym, and her being a good child left un-noticed and un-rewared. I plan to keep my daughter home and love and nurture her back to happiness! I'll be her friend!

mayamay's picture

Take the opportunity to be involved with people of different ages--volunteer at a community daycare for children or for the elderly every week. I think we need to widen our vision of who can be friends. My 14 y.o. daughter's very best friend is a woman about 70 years old. My daughter walks to church 1/2 hour early every week so that she and this woman can visit. Sometimes my daughter drops in on her during the week, too, and whenever we have fun news, this woman is her first phone call.

2xstepmom's picture

We joined a home schooling group. We found a church with an inclusive youth group. My daughter babysat. We joined the YMCA. We planned and participated in a lot of activities with relatives. It is not necessary for your daughter to have a same age "best friend" in order for her to be happy, as mayamay points out. My daughter, now nearly 27, still considers me her best friend.

gemgirl's picture

hi im a ten year old girl too,im preety,smart and is the teachers pet. but i dont have any freinds nobody plays with me and people call me weird .any girls that are reading this dont feel weird because lots of girls like me have the same problem all of us have are own difficulties no one is perfect no one can be the right height or the right weight and a example i have red hair alot of people think im weird too another thing im super strong i can lift my mom who is 180 pounds i also do karate and i told some people that i thought were my friends but werent so they told ending up telling all the people leaving me with no friends execpt 2 again dont feel bad for yourself or think your weird if you have the same promblems. love,gemgirl a 10 year old girl in 4th grade

Forevermum's picture

This post is quite dated now but I was still shocked when I read it. I completely disagree. Children are at school not only to learn, but to develop social and civic identities. Learning how to make and keep friends is a critical school experience, and helps one integrate into the larger world. Social problems at school not only hurts children's development is they are not addressed, they ultimately hurt their learning. I found your post very insensitive, not to mention thoughtless. I can only hope that these girls' teachers and administrators understand their students' needs more than you.