sarahinnc's picture
sarahinnc

makeup and highlights for girls

okay this is the conversation that i have been having since the start of summer break from school not only with my own 10 yr old daughter but several of my friends who daughters are around the same age .what is the right age to start with make-up and highlights in hair ? I had told my daughter she could get highlights this summer but i still am not real sure as for make up i noticed last year that girls in the next grade some did wear makeup .i am trying to decide if this is something we will be doing for the new 2009-2010 school year .I had my daughter make a list of somethings she would like to see happen this summer and the results are 1. make be changes look older and different for the new school year ,2. get ears pierced ,3.new clothes makeup and highlights .then i asked what kinds of changes if any she would want to happen for the new school the results are, 1.Boyfriend ,2.the kids to say how much she has changed ,3.read more (yes i noticed she added one thing for her education but it only made it to number 3) raising a daughter has so far been wonderful,exciting ,and as of now scary.i just can not imagine that its just a few parents dealing with these issues if you are or have please share it with me im trying to make this hard choice this year and time is running out i have got to have a answer before the school year starts in late august if i allow her to get highlights it will need to be around 2 wks before school starts when she is not getting in our pool everyday due to the chlorine ..please help point out the good and bad at this time i am just not sure and a lot of my friends are not sure either she is my only daughter so i am new to this



acitez's picture
acitez

At this moment, four 17 & 18 year old boys are upstairs playing some E rated video game on the Wii. I can hear the clicks of the controllers, commentary (something about Jigglypuff?) and challenge, extra sound effects, and laughter. One of the boys is leaving for boot camp tomorrow.

Why do little girls want to grow up so fast?

At my house, you can wear make up whenever you want to. But you go out in public with a bare face until you get a lesson at the department store (age 15) so nobody looks like a tart. I've let my daughters do whatever they wanted with their hair, as long as it was a rinse, not a dye or bleach. (try grape koolaid without the sugar, a lovely purple)

If she wants highlights, have her work in the yard every day for an hour, it lightens the hair right up and looks very natural (because it is.)

I've reared 4 daughters, 3 have completed college degrees, the 4th will be a junior in college this year, I have the 18 year old boy, who is taking vocational ed classes, and a 12 year old daughter. The 12 year old is opting for home school next year because she has felt so much pressure to grow up too fast in public school 6th grade this last year. So far, no teenage pregnancies. So far, no underage drinking, no drugs.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Your daughter is 10!!! You are the parent and must learn to enforce age appropriate behaviors for your daughter.

I work with children who have behavioral issues. I have a degree in early childhood development, have raised a daughter (now 25) and am also a professional nanny. As such, I have a wealth of experience in this area. When my daughter was 10-15, the expectation was for her to behave like a young lady. At 10, she still played with her dolls and had no interest in boys. At 12, when her friends one by one began to have age inappropriate interests (such as boyfriends) we talked about the inappropriate interests and sadly ended some previously close friendships. She made friends with girls who, along with their parents, were on the same page as we were.

Interestingly, many of the former friends began to engage in risky behaviors, some getting pregnant, some getting involved with drugs. My daughter chose to home school at 15 because of the negative social pressure at school. She has thanked me over and over for being a strong parent. Yes, it is difficult and you may face some opposition from your daughter, especially since she is already, at 10, wanting to appear older and have a boyfriend.

What needs to be addressed is why she wants to "change" and be "different" at 10 years old. This is the pivital point. You also need to get some help in making these hard choices. She is only 10 and the choices will just get harder and harder as she grows up.

whatever's picture
whatever

do you not think that you are a bit harsh stepmom i do not think if she gets her daughter highlights and allows makeup at age ten is setting her child up for a early preg,or drugs come on please lets get out of the fairy tale and look at the world yes in the world of make believe we can all take our kids out of the public schools and shield them from the world but lets face the harsh real world our kids are growing up faster now days they see it all around them from the super stars and tv,music ,magazines,and just a lot of times at schools and even down the road its called life now !!! for you to act like she is not doing her job as a mother to her child is wrong who do you think you are ? are you so much better at being a parent that you feel like you have made every choice right for your own children ? lets be honest and so no because no one can be that great as a parent we all make wrong choices ,and to just think our kids will make all right choices in life well as parents we would all love to think our kids do the right thing all the time but they dont we didnt so why would they "unless you are the brady bunch and if this is the case nice to meet you carol " now Sarah making the choice to allow your child to get highlights and wear make up is not easy i can tell from your post you want and try to do what is right by your daughter make up can be fine at a age 10 when done right i would stick with pale pinks no heavy makeup and no heavy base just light colors as for lipstick well my stepdaughter is allowed to use pale pinks ,frosted,and a great starter choice is gloss they come in great flavors also as for highlights lots of girls at my step daughters school has them and they can look real pretty just make sure to get them done by people who know what they are doing they can give you that hint of sunkiss in the hair and i have seen several girls who look great in them .just know what ever you decide she isnt going to turn bad because you allow it let me know what you decide i would love to know the outcome oh yea and yes very smart about waiting for school to almost start back and the pool it can make your hair green ,walmart sells a shampoo that helps with the hair and pool probs .it is around 5.00 i saw it their last night pool water is harsh on hair makes it feel like straw i was thinking about trying it myself if you do let me know how it works

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Nowhere in my reply to this mother's request for advice was anything that was intended in the negative way you state. This is an opinion forum for people to ask for advice and/or opinions. You are being very unfairly harsh toward me and the opinion that was stated by me.

Of course we all make parenting mistakes and of course no one could possibly feel they have made every right choice as a parent. The point of being on this forum is to try to help one another, not put one onother down. I have learned a lot from the posts on here and have gotten many "thank-you's" for the heartfelt replies that I have made.

Please remember we all have the right to our own opinions. Your attitude toward me is unnecessary, hurtful and detracts from the original post. This woman solicited advice to help her make this very hard choice, which I gave, no more, no less.

By the way, my husband (and daughter) feel 10 is way too young for highlights or make up and that high school age when she is earning her own money to pay for it herself is soon enough. From a male perspective, he said that at 10 this child is still a little girl and that a boyfriend at this age should not be allowed under any circumstances. Just his opinion.....

sarahinnc's picture
sarahinnc

i have not made a choice yet this is something i will have to really think about but i will let you know what i decide i do know if i let her i don't want her to look cheap or wear it heavy i have seen some that look like clowns that will not be my daughter .I like the idea of the pinks though very soft pinks but like i said i have not made a choice yet as for the boyfriends well i am not real concerned about that because i know it will not be much when i asked her what boyfriends do ,she says eat lunch at your table ,they pick you first in partners for class ,and they smile at you during class kinda funny very kid like .

acitez's picture
acitez

This is a good discussion. We need to ask ourselves how we are going to respond to the pressures and changes in our society. Whatever's point, that we can't always shield our children, balances my point and stepmom's point that we can't always go with the flow.
The ultimate question for each of us is "Where do I draw the line?"

casey22's picture
casey22

this time in a girls life really seems to bring with it changes we are facing some of our own my daughter is always worried about her looks compared to a friends and yes she has got to see first hand how people are treated not the same for their looks or how they dress i have also had a chance to see this it is hard for them to deal with this being said i have allowed my daughter to get highlights this summer we got them to make sure we like them so we could have a chance to fix them if we did not like them as for make up she is allowed to start this year but we went to the mall got a match done for her skin and we also picked pinks ,and clear gloss with flavors .it looks okay with what the mall lady did my daughters skin looks like it has a light sun glow i was not sure if i liked it but it is not heavy and looks good as for your choice you need to decide what you can live with i must say though it does make my daughter look older than she is which that makes me uneasy a bit so if you decide yes i just wanted you to know this so as not to be shocked it is a hard choice to make it took me over a year to decide with help from a friend who has daughter the same age i decided yes her daughter has been wearing makeup and highlights for a year longer then mine shaving the legs is something else we are doing now girls are growing up faster now than ever i wish i had a way to keep mine young but since i can not i will just pick what i feel is right for her and pray at night i was right ,one more thing we had a yard sell and i told my daughter box what you do not want to keep the barbies,dolls ,doll house and a select few stuffed animals lost their home in her room and sold for .25 cents each it is scary raising girls they change fast she took her money and bought some ear rings,some books called dear dumb diary ,and 2 cherry flavored lip gloss one for her and one for her best friend .

lucymother3girls's picture
lucymother3girls

i look at it like this is she old enough to apply it her herself and it be right if not then she should not be wearing it >if the answer is yes she can then let her wear it .highlights that is tricky i would check with someone to make sure if it can damage the hair at her age i have heard the hair is not mature until a certain age >the boyfriend issue at that age i feel a boy that is a friend is okay but for the real boyfriend ,kissing and all way to young >but for the type of picking first like stated that sounds okay as long as it does not go to more i know with my own girls it seems right around grade 4 sometime after christmas it changes and little boys that were friends try to turn into little boys with girlfriends it is up to us to protect and guide our daughters sounds like you want the best for her i have found if i follow my gut feeling it helps > we should start a support group for parents with daughters this age like others say they change so much around this year age it starts around this age and seems to never stop > best wishes let me know what you and she decide *

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

My parents didn't let me wear make-up or pierce my ears til I was 13. I never asked for highlights that young, but being a teen in the 80s, big hair was in, so I was allowed to get a perm. My upbringing was pretty strict, and I also attended Catholic school, so I wasn't allowed to wear make up in school. On special occasions I wore make up, but other than that, I was ok being w/out it. I think a lot has to do w/ your self esteem and confidence level. I remember the fight I had w/ my dad over getting contact lenses. This was all after a boy in my school called me 4 eyes. My dad didn't like the idea of me sticking anything in my eyes, but my mom convinced him it was safe, so he went for it. To this day he won't watch me put my contacts in my eyes. He thinks it's gross. Ha.

sarahinnc's picture
sarahinnc

Once again thanks to all for all the replies we still have not decided on the highlights but there has been a huge change she woke up one morning asked for a new hair style 2 days later we got it she has gone from hair to the rump to hair just below the shoulders with long layers she looks so cute well at least cute was my pick for a what she looked but when i called a friend and told her sent a pic through text she called me the next day and informed me her son and another child wanted to see my daughters picture and they called my daughter still hot uuummm im not sure if i like the hot part i like the cute i used better ,as for the highlights she is not even sure if she wants them now she has told me she may want her hair brown a dark brown when told this i replied your hair is already brown then that is when she made this face that meant i must not know anything at this point and said my hair is not the brown i want im just wide eyed now how did my little girl grow up so fast over the first part of this summer break i also was informed she is not a baby and to please not call her this anymore or at least in public i think i have a few more gray hairs now and at this point im not sure if i will survive her growing up .i also noticed she has really been injoy playing basketball outside that was until today when i found out she does enjoy it but she and a friend enjoy more the 3 boys watching them now i must say the kids are all the same age or around it ,but still leaves me in shock .as for the make up we decided yes on it and have made a appt to learn her colors for in aug before school goes back .it will be very light makeup and pinks .another thing we have added this year is a cell phone with plenty of rules .