Hollyberrie's picture

Help with problem teacher

This problem goes way back. All the way to my younger sister. She (and others) had problems with a discriminatory asst. principal in her high school.(The students even called him Hitler) It ended with several parents going to the school board to complain. My mom was one of them. Next year "Mr. M." is gone. Now he's asst. principal at my sons' elementary school. Everything is fine until first teacher conference. I brought my sister along to help with the kids. The following Monday I get a call from the school requesting a meeting. I spent 30 minutes listening to Mr. M. and buddy guidance counselor tell me about my son calling another student too frequently!! And one call was unreasonably late(8pm) for second- graders. I said I was a little confused that I was there for that, that "E's" parents should have called me themselves. I was told they don't have my num. I said, sure they do, "E" calls for my son, too. Mr M. tells me this is not true!!!  Guidance buddy says it should be a matter for the police since it's a form of harrassment.  They also admitted that they had no knowledge that anything inappropriate or harassing was said. Mr. M, however said that my son had an obsession and should seek counseling. Of courese I balked!! I told them that I felt their meeting was inappropriate and uncalled-for. Two weeks later my son comes home and tells me another student threatened to shoot him and his whole family. Said they went to Mr. M.'s office. I got no call from them. Next week I DID get a call from the children's services worker from the high school. The other student blamed my son, and so he was referred to cs worker for counselling!! I told him what I had heard. He couldn't believe I wasn't called by Mr. M. So, another meeting, this time with cs present. My son told everyone his side. He also says Mr. M. and guidance buddy called him in and were screaming at him and called him an idiot!! I asked why he didn't tell me, and he says he was scared. The cs worker suggests Mr.M apologize to my son and myself and husband. Cs worker says Mr. M needs to inform us of problems and not label our child as he is not qualified to do so. The next week, my son falls out of a tree at grandma's house. No swelling, no bruising. I gave him ice and he played football and rode his bike that night. The next day I get a call from the school saying that his whole arm is twice the size of the other.(it wasn't, by the way, only minor swelling) He needs to go to the ER. I took him in. The nurse said you often don't see swelling until after the first 24 hours. Take x-rays. No breaks. Ice it, and it will be fine. My son tells me that Mr.M asked him how it happened. He told him he fell out of a tree. He asked him to be honest, Did his father do this?!! Then he asks his younger brother what happened, and did he actually see it? He says, yeah he saw it, he was still in the tree. Then my son says that he had to sit in the office for almost 3 hours(despite needing immediate care?) until some lady could come talk to him and his little brother. Then I get a letter from children and youth. They're investigating a case of reported abuse/neglect. They want to come by sometime this week. When she showed up she told me she met with my boys and didn't sense any fear of myself or my husband. I told her I felt it was personal, and that if there was any neglect that it was on the school's part, since they made him sit for 3 hours when they felt it was an emergency. I went to the school the next day. My older son's former 1st grade teacher pulls me aside to tell me she had no part, that she knows we're good parents, and doesn't know why they're doing this. She told me that she wasn't at the meeting to determine whether or not to call children and youth. Neither was my son's kindergarten teacher. Nor were they consulted. I pushed for a meeting with the principal of all elementary schools. She apologized for the behavior of Mr.M. and agreed things weren't handled professionally. We had no more problems that year. The next year Mr.M. was a gym/phys.ed teacher for all elementary schools. The new principal is wonderful. Tough but fair. I was always polite to Mr.M. Then last summer my second son ruptured his spleen. Fortunately, it wasn't severe enough to warrant removal. However, he was unable to participate in contact sports, run, or do anything which might cause impact and re-rupture his spleen. I took him to school myself on the first day to speak with all of his teachers(Mr.M included) about the precautions. Everyone was wonderful. They did a presentation to his class, too. At his first health class with Mr. M however, he told everyone how a ruptured spleen wasn't that bad!! It's not as bad as a break, and if it's really severe they just remove it. I was furious!! Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a young boy calm and cautious? I spoke with him and he said he never even said it. So I spoke with some other parents and asked them to ask their children. Turns out, he did say it. We were getting ready to go to the principal the next day. That night our oldest came home and told us that in his health class Mr.M. asked him if his parents drink alot of alcohol, because he thinks we do. We aren't drinkers by any measure. There is never alcohol in our home. We added this to our complaint to the principal. He said he would look into it, and be in touch, but that usually the first step is to talk to the teacher. I told him that I understood that, but that we've never had effective communication with Mr.M. Two days later, we got an apology from Mr.M. and we requested that he not teach our children. We were informed that they don't have anyone else. We requested that he not be allowed alone with our children. They said that our request was granted. Someone would be present if Mr.M. needed to speak with any our children. (we now have 4 of them there.) Last Wednesday Mr.M had my youngest son (8) for gym class. They were lining up to leave and he and some of his friends were goofing off. Mr.M started screaming(so loudly that my 10 yr. old could hear him in the concrete block walled art room way down the hall) at them to shut up. My youngest admits to saying"why don't you?". Mr.M started screaming irately that noone talks to him that way and screaming"do you understand?" When my son just started crying, he grabbed his arm and dragged him down the hall, still screaming. My son says it did hurt(no marks when he came home,though) and that he was scared. So scared that he wouldn't go to the bathroom later, because he was afraid he'd see Mr.M in the hall. I am so mad.!! The principal said he will look into it and let me know what he finds out. My husband says that if I make I big deal out of it that they're just going to start harrassing us again. My son says alot of students saw it. (I haven't spoken with them yet, I'm hoping the principal will find the truth.) My son also says that his teacher asked if he was alright, and took him to wash his face and calm down. I CAN'T just let this go! My son should feel safe in school! If a student acted like that it would be considered unacceptable! It is even more so for a teacher!! I am hoping someone out there has had success in dealing with an out of line teacher and can advise me. Please help if you can.

AAV's picture

The steps that you are taking are the best in this situation. You confronted the principal and the teachers, now if it continues to happen even more so i would definitely confront the superintedent right away. If that doesn't help, the local police because it is starting the become a civil issue. That is what i would do. You can only do so much and the rest would be up to the higher ups. I know in my case that would be exactly what i would do. The police might be a little harsh, but this guy is physically touching YOUR kid, no marks, but still, if a teacher saw a parent to do that they would have to report it to the police. This guy is not meant to be in a childrens setting and should be let go. I'm so sorry you are going through this and i hope the best comes out of it, for the sake of you and your family.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Pull your son out of school if you can't get this problem resolved right away. Consider switching schools or homeschooling if you have to. Your son shld be your top concern. This principal comes second. You may want to think about getting a lawyer as well.