detmom's picture
detmom

help...

I do not knwo what to do. My husband and I are completely confused. My 6 yrd old who is in second grade does not seem to be behaving well at school. He is a smart kid. The teacher complains saying that he tries to act silly and talks loudly in the class, does not sit safely in his chair.  Looks like he gets reminders in the class. He finishes his work on time, in his math Assesment he scored a 100%. The teacher says he is academically sound so no problem there. The teacher also says that he is not the one who disturbs the class the most, he is in Average in getting reminders. We talked to him about the three issues that the teacher had complained about.

1.) taking softly in the class, His voice is really thin/shrill and sometimes carries off even though he is talking softly, but i can understand the teachers point of view,how can I help my child be self aware of his own voice

2.) Acting silly...I donot know what to do, regarding sitting properly in the chair when I asked my son about it he told me that he had complained to the teacher too that the chair is not comfortable for him ( it is bucket seat and to add he is short) and he refuses to take a cushion to the class as he feels embarrased. the teacher complains that he sits with his knees in the desk.

3.)Chatting in the class, we talked to him abotu this and the teacher also said that it is not only his fault but the kids sitting next to him.The teacher says that he has no issues with socializing but he just needs to get himslef together, during the conversation the teacher also mentioned that he is the youngest in the class, and also since it just september, but she wants to correct any bad behaviors before they become bad habits.

But when ever i ask my son if he had gotten any reminders he just says a coupel and yesterday he said the same lie and teacher kind of emailed me saying that he had rough day.

My major question is how can I help my child to trust me that I  will try to help him with what ever the issue is as long as he tells me eveyr thing. I think he is scared that we will spank him or etc... How can i help with the above issues with out him feeling embarrrased and also with out  hurting hsi self esteem, how can I trust him when he is telling me a lie.

any help/suggestions is appreciated.

Thanks

 



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Your child is only 6 yrs old, an if he doesn't have any other problems, I see this as pretty normal behavior for his age. In my son's class (he's 5), the teacher has a set of rules. For each rule that's followed, he gets a penny. If by the end of the day my son gets 10 pennies, he gets to choose a small prize from the classrm treasure chest. If he doesn't get 10 pennies, he doesn't get a prize. The teacher's philosophy is to ignore the negative behavior and reward the positive behavior. By doing this, she's encouraging the kids to work hard at following the rules to get their reward. So far it's working! Our son comes home so excited and eager to show us the prize that he earned for the day.
I think there are several things the teacher can do in school and you can do at home to help increase your son's self-esteem and get him to feel good about his behavior. The teacher can change her strategy and maybe focus less on the negative behavior (giving reminders) and more on the positive behavior(offering rewards). She can also change your son's seat if she sees he is talking to a certain student in the class.
At home, you can set up a reward chart for your son to encourage positive behavior. Discuss certain expectations you have of your son w/ him. The teacher shld do the same. You can even offer an allowance.
This is most likely a stage your child is going through, so I wldn't worry. Try to be patient, and continue to discuss any concerns you have w/ the teacher. I think if you both work together and you're both consistent, you will see a turn-around in your son's behavior.
Remember, this is normal 6 yr old behavior, so try to remain positive, and know that there's an end in sight. Good luck!

detmom's picture
detmom

Hi Concerned,

Thanks for the suggestion. I am still at lost, today he made a really minor damage to his neighbors property. I am sure he did it playfully with out thinking about the consequnces. The teacher would like him to do something with his money and time to fix it. I am at loss regarding how best to make him understand, having said that I will also say, it is not like he doesnot know what he has done is wrong. The teacher told me that he himself came to her and Apologized for his actions, but the teacher still wants him to learn the consequnces of his actions.

Any suggestions on what I can make him do at home?

Thanks

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

If your son broke an item that belonged to someone else, he shld replace it. You need to explain to him that other people's property is theirs, and it's not there for him to touch. Ask your son if someone else was to break an item of his, how wld that make him feel?
Maybe you can have your son work at home doing chores for an allowance. Once he makes enough $, take him to the store, and have him purchase a replacement item for this person. Then have him give the item to this person, along w/ an apology. Hopefully this will teach your son not to touch other people's things.
Also, I realized that you said your son is 6 and in 2nd grade. Is he one of the younger children in the class? Although he certainly may seems academically ready for 2nd grade, maybe maturity wise, he's not. We decided to hold our son back a yr b/c he wld've been one of the youngest in his class. He, too, seems academically prepared, but socially, we felt it was best to hold him back. Your son's already in 2nd grade so it's a tougher decision, but it's something you can maybe consider. Hope this helps.

detmom's picture
detmom

He did not break anything, he just made a small hole in a fabric that belongs to the class. we met with the teacher she kind of ruled it out saying it was not big deal and a normal behavior with respect to 6 yr old boy. How wever we are making him work towards contributing to class supplies.

Yes he is 6yrs old and the youngest in the class. Talking to the teacher was really helpfull. she rules out his behavior as mostly 6 yr old behavior and wants to give him the time instead of stealing his innocence,but at the same time she will be working with him.

Hopefuly things will get better. Thank you very much.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

You're welcome. Hang in there. I'm sure things will get better soon for your son.