Bobbie's picture

bullying in school

My son just turned 13yrs old in Feb and he is in the 7th grade now. I have always taught my children that fighting only gets you in trouble. My son is 5'8" and 202lbs he knows he will hurt someone if he ever did hit them, I explained that to the school officials at the beginning of this school year and because the children have already tried many times to fight him and he has never hit back they know they can continue. My son has made many many incident reports to the school, he has been sent to the nurses office because a child stabbed him with a pencil twice at different times. and when I was informed by my son about some of the issues I would call and talk to the principal herself and be told she was on it and when i wouldn't hear anything back for weeks at a time and my son still continued to be beat on i would call asking about the incidences and be told they couldn't tell me because of the privacy act. but was reassured by the principal it was taken care of.
Now, my son is hit almost daily, weekly, and reports have been made still. except now my son usually hasn't come home and told me about the abuse,because he thought I had already been called by the principal which I hadn't and if there was a problem she would call me. so I was unaware of all of the recent abuse. until my son stepped on a nail at the neighbors house and the school nurse decided he needed to be seen by a doctor. so i made an appointment but wasn't able to keep it so i rescheduled it due to other parents couldn't get off work to get their children i was watching. the principal and school nurse in return called the doctor and asked for personal information that had nothing to do with neglect,or the school, and when i confronted them, they then threatened me with a hot line call. and I then asked if they wanted to use my phone and told them they had no reason for the threat.
I have documents from doctors office showing there was no neglect and the school nurse refused to except it, I have documents showing that the other kids were hitting and stabbing my son and the principal has just now gotten the time to investigate it months after the incident. But i believe only because I have a meeting with the superintendent this Friday about it all. but I removed my son from school today because yet again yesterday he was hit twice and came home crying so i reported it to the proper authorities myself.
Awaiting for the outcome, everyone I have talked to have told me this is a battle I don't want to be in. they say the school always win, and that they will make my sons educational life there worse. But I refuse to be stepped on like a mat and I informed the sheriff at the school that my son will defend himself while he is at school for now on. A last resort to protect himself and is going to be a sad day for the one starts it. I am out of suggestions, and places to go for answers.

acitez's picture

Have you thought about a martial arts class for your son? Sometimes as children get the skills to defend themselves, they also get a level of confidence that makes the bullying stop. If you go this route, be sure you get a teacher who insists that the child doesn't start fights.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Martial Arts is a good idea, but it can take a while to learn the skills needed to defend yourself. It seems that if your son continues to attend this school (which I think shldn't be the case), then something needs to be done right away. You've taught your son that fighting is not the answer. That's often true, but look what's happening. Your son needs to stand up for himself and take action or this abuse will continue. I also think he shld go to counceling to help build up his self-esteem. He's letting these kids do these things to him. I say no more Mr. nice guy. It's time your son puts these kids in their place once and for all. Obviously if the bullying continues, hire a lawyer and change schools.

whtny2010's picture

i can't believe how bad bullying in schools has gotten. and it seems that the schools don't know of a correct way of handling the situation. the boys that are doing the abuse to your son really need to be disiplined in a manner that will make them learn their lesson.

summer5kids's picture

that just breaks my heart i to had a son with a bully problem and hit the same dead ends as you i got to the point were i thought about home school then he went to 7th i made a choice and told him that if any one bothered him to fight back ,well the year had went well he made alot of friends and is in the group as he calls it "the one to be in but "but just 3 days ago i got the dreaded phone call he had been in a fight a boy had tried to stab him with a plastic fork which broke but later in the bathrooms he got the boy and the fight started it ended with my son choking the boy intil he turned blue and help came my son received one day home and one day ISI,i was told that the boy had been in trouble alot this year ,i feel like their is only so much our kids should be made to take and my son had enough i explained to him that he can not just go around starting fights but if someone wants one he has a right to protect himself ,i also told him to please not choke kids that is dangerous and some one could get hurt bad .i may be wrong but i did not punish my son he protected himself he went to far but i do feel like in this day and time not everyone is nice (i would never allow my son to start one but he has a right to finish one )

SnglDad's picture

We cannot tie our kid’s hands when someone is physically harming them. Fighting does not “only get you in trouble”, it protects you. It lets others know that if you choose to pick on me, you may get hurt in the process. Bullies are cowards and usually pick on those who offer the least threat of harm to them. How helpless your son must feel to know that these kids are allowed to cause him harm, but he is not allowed to defend himself. One of our primary responsibilities to our children is to protect our children, and when we are not there to do so, then we must empower them to protect themselves.
Both my sons know that they are never to start a fight, but if they are given no choice they are to defend themselves.

woodlawnMom's picture

our stories are so similiar, i have a daughter and a son, my daughter was a very happy child until she attended the school that was closest to home..i started noticing changes in her behaviour at home, she started picking on her younger brother, getting into physical fights with him, and being very argumentive.. when i confronted her about her actions, she told me it was because she had a bad day in school, and she told me it's an every day thing, 2 boys in her class were being physical with her and always making fun of her, well i spoke to the teacher, she said she was not aware of the situation because she has 2 many kids to deal i then took this situation to the principal, and told me that the boys are regulars in her office, she also told me that the situation was going to be taken care of..and that she was going to have a talk with the bullies and their parents.. and notify me if anything..also she mentioned to me if it does not get any better that i have the right as a parent to press charges on the kids..well several months have passed and i have not heard a thing from the principal, now she has retired from the school, so i have to go up to the school once again to tell my story to the new principal,.. but anyway, i ask my daughter every day, How is school? how was your day? has anything changed ? my daughter by the way is a 3rd grader, she told me they have one of the little bullies in an ABC room, i guess that is like detention, not sure.. and the other bully they made her change her desk away from him..which doesn't make any sense to me..she still continues to make complaints to me and her father, so now i am making it a habit to continue trying to get updates from the school, so far no luck, but right now i'm so tired of the bull.... so " I WILL BE HANDLING THE SITUATION MYSELF AND GOING TO PRESS CHARGES ON THE KIDS..and i mention to my kids if they pick on you tell the teacher, if that does not work, stand up and defend daughter is scared to hit another because she thinks that she will get in trouble an get a referral but what other option is there? you have to fight back, it is sad to see that there is bullying at every age...this needs to stop..i think kids should be taught not only at home but in school starting at headstart and up, have a class of teaching kids the meaning of respect, and right from wrong...and that bullying can be dangerous...

tamz's picture

I would suggest you make a police report every time your son is assaulted. If he has been stabbed with a pencil twice and the school had not found the time to investigate, you must call the police. The school will take it more serious when authorities are involved.

Meeting with the school administration is a great idea as well. If the Principal does not find the time to protect your child, maybe she can find the time to protect her job!

Last, you need to give your son the authority and skills to defend himself. I'm sure his weight problem makes him a target and it also creates discrimination from other kids and school staff.

DPeters24's picture

From my own experience, I feel the only way to confront this is by bringing it to the police and the courts. The school will always try to marginalize the situation. They will equally blame the victim and the bullies. The school does not want to give the impression they are aware bullying is going on at their school. If they know about it, they would be forced to confront it. They sweep it under the rug and hope it works it's way out. The bullies tend to get away with it and others then become afraid to speak up for fear of reprisal and becoming victims themselves.