Pregnancy
Discussion Title: When your kid may be gay?
Created by: Garddening...
Created on: Wed, 11/04/2009 - 10:39am.
Created by: Garddening...
Created on: Wed, 11/04/2009 - 10:39am.
My 15 year old DS did a paper on Gay Rights this week. When the 2 of them were alone, my husband asked him why he chose that subject and my son started talking. He said he's not sure but he think he might be gay.
I was totally caught off guard when my DH told me. I didn't let me son know that I knew.
I have no idea what to do. I don't know whether he's just confused or even how to handle it. All I know is that I cried my eyes out when I heard it because I can just imagine how difficult things will be for him if the other kids find out.
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Replied: 11/4/2009 8:09pm.
When your husband told you, did he say your son mentioned it in confidence? I'm sure your son can figure out that your husband told you. That's a hard thing to keep secret from a wife and mother. Maybe you shld talk to your son about it. I think it's a good thing that he was even able to talk about it. Many kids wldn't even bring it up until much later when it's eating away at them, or they might not bring it up at all. Maybe your son wants to talk about it. You can bring it up to him, then see if he opens up to you. If not, tell him you love him and that you're there for him any time he wants to talk. I cldn't even imagine how hard it must be to bring something like that up to anyone. In any case, you need to applaud your son for coming to your husband w/ this information. Above all, your son needs to feel that you still love him and accept him no matter what. This may just be a phase, but it may also be a reality. Embrace your son for who he is, and let him be comfortable w/ himself. This is very important for his self esteem and his social relationships w/ others. The last thing your son needs is to feel unaccepted, so approach this subject delicately, and only do it when you feel you are ready to accept the whole idea that your son may actually be gay. I wish you and your family all the best. You'll get through this together.
Replied: 11/5/2009 12:36am.
Great advice, Concerned! We've missed you!
Replied: 11/5/2009 9:08am.
Thx, 2x! It's been a crazy busy couple of months for me. I'll still post when I can, though. I've missed you guys too.
Concerned
Replied: 11/5/2009 11:44am.
Sorting out gender identity is like a lot of other developmental tasks. It takes a while. That he is not positive whether he is gay or straight means just that, he is on task, not done yet.
Our society sexualizes children inappropriately. I'd limit TV and other media exposure just to give him time to focus on his own responses to non-electronic stimuli. Prime-time TV is so loaded with sexual references, not what you'd encounter around the dinnertable or in other community interactions. Whether he is gay or straight he will accomplish this task with less confusion if you can filter out NCS and CSI and Law and Order SVU and All about Jim. and Zach and Cody's Suite Life.
Replied: 11/6/2009 9:35am.
Thanks for the replies. Fortunately, he rarely watches any TV. He's busy studying, playing on his computer (which has NO interenet) or practicing for the play he is in at school.
I will definately accept him for who he is but I also want to make sure that he's not influenced by anyone or anything into thinking he's gay when he really isn't. I don't want him to get it in his head he's gay because he's not attracted to girls. It's very confusing for me so I can't even imagine how confusing this is for him.
I was planning to make an appt with our pediatrician (just hubby and I) to get her opinion what steps we should take.
Replied: 11/9/2009 3:17pm.
I think that's a great first step. Good luck.