JCox's picture
JCox

What should I do about this extremely awkward situation?

My oldest son who just turned 16 a couple weeks ago moved in
with me and my family last summer. He was born when I was young. Since his father
has his life together, we decided it was better for him to live with his father.
I see him couple time a week until his father got a better job that required a
lot of travel. I end up seeing my son once every couple months and stay in
touch with him.

Last year, his father got sick and is unable to work any more. So my son moved
in with me and my family. Ever since that day, everything has been a chaos.

My three other kids are happy to just stay in house and play video game or
watch television and only play in the front yard. My son is just opposite. He
cannot stand being home for more than an hour at the most.

He's always running off to nearby forest, river, or downtown. He'd spend hours
there. We often tell him to not go in forest by himself or stay in downtown
late. He always complains that if anyone goes in the forest with him, they will
just slow him down or worry about everything he did. He often takes tools such
as rope, flashlight, knife, and other things with him when he goes. He say he
usually go cave exploring, rock climbing, and other things.

He also says he hang out at coffee shop or bookstore at late because he doesn't
want to be with other high school students and prefer to be around college
students.

He also want to do martial arts but he refuse to attend any dojo that my
husband's friend recommend. Once he went to one and at sparring, he kicked a
black belt in thigh and the black belt has to sit out for the whole class. Then
my son says this isn’t the right place. He keep ask to go to one where they
train cage fighter but we don’t want him to be around those people. Especially
since he have got in a lot of fight just a couple months after he moved here. Almost
all of the fights are with men much older and bigger than him.

During weekend, he often will go to farmer market or coffee house and spend
hours there socializing with people. We have got on him about this, he keep say
that this is a normal thing in other part of world.

He also doesn't really get along with many people unless they are from other
countries or they’re interesting to him and able to carry intelligent
conversation. In school he’s in advance placement program and get good grade,
but he’s very aloof toward pretty much everyone who isn’t foreign students. The
teachers reported that he often speaks with other students in foreign
languages.

Lately he has been in a nasty mood because we refuse to let him travel the
world by himself this summer.

I don’t know what to do any more. Everybody is fed up with him. He just seems
to think he can just ignore everybody and do his things. He doesn’t even seems
to understand what being grounded mean at all either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My son just turned seventeen a couple weeks ago. He has been attending high
school and college part time since last fall. So this means he'll be around a
lot of people older than him. But I trusted him to have a good judgment at
first. However I've been spotting random strange bruises and scratches on him
for last couple months. At first I thought nothing of it since he do kickboxing
and wrestling. But I start to see them more often so I start to talk to him
about his bruises and scratches. He'd just try to brush the whole
conversation off, claim it was from wrestling or kick boxing, or accidents. But
those bruises are definitely not from those things. So I keep try to talk to
him about it but nothing work.

Tonight when I was doing laundry, I opened the dryer to take my son's
clothes out. I was shocked to find one of his shirt have a couple blood stains
on back. So I confronted him about this. He was really uncomfortable about this
and eventually say that the girl he have been sleeping with do it. I was so mad
about this; I asked him why he would allow girl to abuse him. He says he didn’t
and admit he have fetish of seeing his own blood being played with by girl and
is a bit of a masochist.

I cannot believe he did this. He have brought a couple goth girls home in
past even though he’s not a goth at all. They all were older than him. But they
all were very nice and seems to be a good person overall. So I never thought
much of this until now. I feel like forbidden him from being around them, but
at the same time I know that he’s always happy and having fun around those
girls. Also he has been very responsible and getting good grades. So I really
don’t know what to do about this situation. I know he’s not depress or
anything.  



junieg's picture
junieg

I am not really sure how to respond to your post but felt that you needed someone to. Hopefully others might be able to help you better.
He has had a lot to contend with in his young life. Does he still see his father? Even if he can no longer live there, I think it is very important for him to keep up contact. It must be very difficult for him trying to adjust to his new lifestyle.
I know that if I were in your place I too would be extremely worried about him. Has he ever been diagnosed with any problems? The bruises and blood set bells ringing in my head. Is there any way you could track where he goes when he goes out at night?
I hope you get some help from others on this forum. Good luck and keep in touch. Let us know how things work out please.

pokey's picture
pokey

There are too many things to address after reading your post, so may I just give you a thought I had regarding this section of what you wrote:

"He also doesn't really get along with many people unless they are from other countries or they’re interesting to him and able to
carry intelligent conversation.

In school he’s in advance placement program and get good grade, but he’s very aloof toward pretty much everyone who isn’t foreign students. The teachers reported that he often speaks with other students in foreign languages.

Lately he has been in a nasty mood because we refuse to let him travel the world by himself this summer."

Maybe your son doesn't feel like he fits in anywhere right now, at home or school due to the changes he has had to make in his life.

So if he seems to have an interest in foreign languages and people, maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to encourage it by having him travel abroad--not alone, though!

How about as a compromise where you will allow him to go but only with an organized group through a "study abroad" type of program. I don't know if it is too late for this summer, but may be worth investigating.

My thought is that it could possibly help by putting him into a totally new environment--to get him out of the negative pattern he has been putting himself into currently.

What does his father say about all that has been going on with his son? Does he have any influence on him?