adcouts's picture
adcouts

Violent 13yr old teen

I have a 13 yr old son who, when things dont go his way or he doesnt get his way he becomes angry and violent. walking away is not an option since there is another small child in the home. he throws things, screams, yells swear words, says i hate him, i never wanted him. he has been in counseling (1st for 8 mnths) (now for a few weeks) he has seen a doctor who says he has defiant disorder (simply put he needs behavior modification). Last nite was the first time it got so out of control that he hit me, I sent him to his fathers (which is not a place for him to be). I have ran out of options what can i do.



LebanonOwner's picture
LebanonOwner

What is it exactly thats been triggering these tantrums? Are they small things like "not getting what he wants to eat"? I agree he needs help, and have you ever tried big punishments? If that don't work, try and pay most of your attention to what he does. But not like spying, just observe how he acts around you and see if you can figure it out.

adcouts's picture
adcouts

Everything that I have read on Asperger's syndrome doesnt say anything about violent outburst. He doesnt exhibit any of the other symptoms, but its worth a shot

adcouts's picture
adcouts

What triggers his bad violent episodes is exactly that (not getting what he wants, or his way). I have tried all sorts of punishment, i agreed to the rewards system with him-all he had to do was be respectfull and do what he was told for 4 days so that he could go somewhere on saturday. On the last day, he decided he wanted to buck me and argue with me. I told him he wasnt going and the fighting started. It is like watching a 2 year old throw a fit honestly. I cannot focus all of my attention on him. he is now 14 years old and he knows the difference between right and wrong. His response to hitting me was well i figured my mom would just beg me to come home after a few days. Not a "Im sorry:" in any of that. Ive been trying to figure out what is wrong for over 2 years now

gail Hanson's picture
gail Hanson

So 4 days was too long.  Try again, for 3 days. 

joannmckean's picture
joannmckean

I myself have a bipolar son - soon to be 14 year old. Before being medicated he was like this. His medication for ADHD (which you do not mention) made his being bipolar (also) worse. He was a self-harmer and extremely violent and destructive like this. I, too, thought he had learned it from his father. Well, he also inherited it from his father. Bipolar Disorder also has some of the social issues that Asperger's has. Untreated it may look like ODD which is a conduct disorder. In your situation, your son may refuse to take medication. You have choices, though. I called the police when the violence became too much, the destruction, too much. They only had to talk to him once in my case. If you are afraid in your own house, and/or your younger child is, you need to do this. It signals the seriousness to the teen who needs to know that now he is as responsible as an adult for the harm or destruction he dishes out. Therapy only helps when the kid trusts the therapist. If he trusts a woman, get a woman. If he trusts a man, get a man. And pick your battles. If he won't leave, take the other child and leave. If the house is destroyed, call the police. That's their job. Police records are sealed at 18. Get him the help he needs now. With a bully, you need strength, that is the only reason I suggest the police first. Child Protective Services will get involved if the other child is at risk. CPS came after me for my kid's behavior and that's when I went to the top of the list to get him help. They are not there to take you to task...they are there to help the kid...and the younger kid, too. They can help you. Ask law enforcement people who can help.

christina33's picture
christina33

i am dealing w/ simialr issue i live in a toen called asa grande it between pheonix & tucson az my son attend a school called villiage which is a miidle shool and at that school they have a behavior modification program that my son has respond good to at his last school i was getting calls on a regular basis but w/ this new program i get alot less call or notes home if your what the phonw number so u can get more information on how the program works so u can see if there is anything in your town simialr let me know good luck

christina33's picture
christina33

what is neurfeedback? i am very interested du to the fat that i have a 13 son w/ adhd odd dign. dr r r/o bipolar i am waiting for a neurpsy evaluation at this time i reenly spoke to an aunt in mo who work w/ children who have autism & she suggested that he might be she said alot of children r mis dign because they illness share so many of the same symtom & he does not show any one symtom that r/ o the othe illness so any info would help and am trying so many things

joannmckean's picture
joannmckean

Neurofeedback may be biofeedback. I've heard some people have good results with that. Makes the person aware of their own body as reactions occur.

deviene's picture
deviene

This could be my story. This morning the police took my 13 year old son away for domestic violence against me. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. My son is adopted and I don't know his birth families medical history. I do know that I fear for my life and his sister's life. For now, my husband can hold his own. I have a court appearance on Monday. I don't want a child in my home that is a threat to his younger sister and me. I realize that I don't have the skill set to handle my son. We have tried all kinds of medication and medical doctors and therapist. He is becoming more of a threat with every pound he gains. Two years ago, I could have prevented him from hitting me. With his extra weight and anger, my daughter and I are at risk. Over a year ago, after he “lost it” in school and had to be restrained, I tried to find some place for him. When a child is yours, it appears he is yours for life.... unfortunately; I don't want this child to end my life or any of my families. I don't think that the courts or doctors can help us. There is so much on the internet about every topic you can think of, but there is very little about handling this type of domestic violence. I wish I had the character of the parents who fought for "Megan's Law". It is not always the child who needs protection. Parents are at risk and need help!

benji4's picture
benji4

Violence in teens is increasing day by day and the Stats are alarming. There are various reasons why teens go violent; mental problems, stress, social circle/peer groups, teens that are doing drugs and who join gangs. In your case it's most probably due to some behavior problems or mental health problems, so consultation with a psychiatrist/psychologist can be helpful. But whatever the case is, we are now seeing daunting scenario of our youth. I read on this blog " http://parentingteens.com/blog/teen-guilty-in-the-murder-of-own-father/ " that " Just recently, CNN reported a heart-breaking news about a Berkeley teen who was convicted in the murder of his father. The victim was raising three kids on his own when one of them, for reasons unknown, murdered him with a gunshot to the head. The judge handling the case found the 16-year-old teen guilty of first-degree murder with an enhancement for using a gun in the death of his 40-year-old father."
So what do we all expect of our future which lies in the hands of our younger generation. The scenario was quite different in previous generations that have some believes and values and reasonably less behavior issues.