Mom2C's picture

Trying to raise a kid with values

I have an almost 12 year-old son. He's very smart (he's in gifted at school), sweet and has goals (he is a singer and plays guitar and wants to do it professionaly someday, after he completes college). Anyway, he had a girlfriend who he really liked that "dumped" him a few months ago for another boy. My son was on his myspace (which I monitor closely) and he checked out the new boyfriends page. There are pictures of the boy giving the finger, posing with a bottle of Jack Daniels and he has left messages on the girls page saying "I'm so stoned, lol." My son was so upset, because he has been raised to be considerate, respectful and to make good choices. On this boys myspace, the girl left comments like "you are SO AMAZING!". I could tell my son was crushed. This is the 3rd time that a girl has dumped him to go out with a "cooler" guy and it is really discourging to my son. How do I convince him that he is great the way he is, and that he doesn't need try to be something that he's not because the girls seem to prefer the "bad" boys. He's still so young right now, but I know that he's only going to get more into girls in the coming years.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

You're doing all the right things teaching your son to just be himself. It sounds like he's a great kid. Keep up the good work. This is a tough stage for any kid, and all kids want to feel accepted. Keep doing what you're doing. Your son will thank you for it later. In time, your son will find a wonderful girl that will love him for him. My aunt once told me, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince." In your son's case, his "princess".
As you said, your son's still young yet. He shld be focusing on having fun, dating different girls, going out w/ friends, playing sports, and doing all the things he loves to do. Hang in there. Things will get better for him in time. Just keep reminding your son of that, and always tell him what a good person he truly is. He shldn't have to change for anyone.

MCHSDance2011's picture

This has to be really frustrating for you as a mom, since your son seems to be a great kid with a lot going for him. Girls that age DO tend to go for the "bad boys," but they eventually grow out of it. I'm sure that at one point in your childhood, you felt a pull towards a boy that your parents might not necessarily have approved of. We all have.

However, you can assure your son that any girl who dumps him for a guy who gets stoned and drunk in his pre-teen years is not everything your son thought she was. It's easier said than done, and I really hope your son works through this. With a caring mom like you, I'm sure he will.

Since your son is into music, maybe encouraging him to delve deeper into that in lieu of brooding over this girl might be one way to go here. There are a lot of opportunities for talented kids to explore their musical dreams, even at a young age. My niece was recently on a CD (she's 11) that has been released nationwide. While she is a great student and a terrific kid, she's at that age when giving her an outlet for expression in a creative and constructive way is better than letting her stew over boys and mean girls.

The CD is called Lil' Rock Starz, and she made some wonderful friends while making it. Give it a listen, and maybe you can look into getting your son involved in a project like that. I know they're holding auditions for the next CD sometime soon. If you'd like, I can let you know when/where.

acitez's picture

Your boy is 11 years old and has been dumped by three girls who want to go out with cooler guys.

How about encouraging him to behave like an 11 year old instead of a 17 year old.

2xstepmom's picture

Good advice!!!!!!!

Children should be allowed to be children.

#1 rule: NO GIRLFRIENDS!!!!! (14 is soon enough)

#2 rule: NO MY SPACE!!!!! (14 is soon enough)

Children under 14 do not have the emotional maturity to be able to deal with being "dumped". Your son is getting the message at a very young age that is is cooler to be a "bad boy" than a moral young person.

Following the above rules will help him to develop true values.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Good pt.

cindy3's picture

may be your child is smart

cindy3's picture

if your child is 18 year old they could have a myspace