arb77's picture

trouble w/ 14 year old daughter

My daughter has always had a bit of a strong will but always makes great grades, plays sports, and is always honest w/ me. This is her freshman year and things have just been sliding downhill. She got a d in one of her classes and a C in another. I have tried to get her a tutor and she has no interest. She was in a fight in school and given an in school suspension (my daughter has never had any disciplinary action from school). She has chosen a friend or two that I am not happy w/ but thought if I told her not to hang out w/ them she would more. Now she was caught lying to me. She was to be at a friends and was 20 miles from home in a car! Please help me with some advise to get her back on the right path...

hannahshimwell's picture

first of all ask if anything's wrong at school, any friends/boyfriends problems, but dont push at the subject, askher once a week on a friday night. motivate good grades by joining her in somethign she likes doing, when she gets a good grade reward her with maybe a small shopping trip or cinema money.

twash08's picture

good morning arb77,

I read your cry for help, I have a few questions for you, your strong will daughter seems average... Do you and your daughter spend quality time together just you and her? If so, are they things she is interested in? look at your relationship is it one sided? What is the parent to child dialog? I can understand the level of frustration, I have 14 year old daughter- and at times she gives me a headache, However we have a clear understanding of who is parent and who is the child. It is human nature to test the waters. I would take her out for an afternoonof mom and daughter time, while you out i would have and expectation conversation, What you as a parent expect from your child and the cons.
then you let her share why she feels she is displaying the poor behavior- What you are doing is reopeniing the lines of communication. Now please remember this is a process. I have done it for my daughter after I was remarried. She shut us out because she felt that my husband and son had become a new priority and it had removed her. Which of course was not the case so we had to statr from scratch. However let me just say that this does not excuse the poor behavior! You are the parent and you should not have to explain to your child your reasons for discipline usless your wrong in your actions. adn you are following up with an aplogy. Now you have a few tools to use... Good luck and rememeber Rome was not not built in a day!