teen daughter dumped - I am the one more depressed!
So glad I found this forum as I have been thinking about counseling or something. I know my reaction to my daughter's recent situation is not normal. I just need to talk, vent, get advice from someone!!
My daughter is almost 17. She has had one boyfriend her entire life - none of the little elementary school romance, no hand holding - nothing at all until the end of her freshman year and she started dating a boy one year older who I thought was a nice young man. He treated her so well, they were devoted to each other and spent as much time together as we allowed (not that much - once during the week, once on weekends). This relationship lasted until January - so over one and a half years. He broke up with her in January to the shock of us all. We then find out he was having a "thing" with some 14 year old girl who had been chasing him. After 5 weeks of no talking and my daughter finally moving on and trying to live without him, he returned but only partially. He wanted her but he wanted others also. He said he was going to college in the fall so didn't want a girlfriend but he still wanted her 100% in love with him. She was fine with that - her father and I were furious with her lack of self respect - the fact that she would take whatever little amount of time he offered her while he continued to be with other girls frequently and she stayed loyal only to him. Anyway, the issue is not really this relationship which now finally seems to have ended - but my reaction to it!
I am obsessed with what he is doing to her. I snoop on her cell phone every day while she is in the shower to know what is going on. I check out his facebook. I talk to anyone who might have info on what he is doing. I can't sleep, can't eat - I feel a huge depression because of my daughter's sadness and how he has devastated her. My reaction to this is not normal. I cry a lot - seemingly out of the blue.
I am wondering if I am just menopausal, is depression setting in, is something more going on with me and this is just the trigger? It just has affected me more than a regular teenage relationship/break-up should and I do not understand it. I feel like I am ruining my relationship with my daughter by forcing my views on her about this boy. I need help and advice on how I deal with my reaction to her pain and sadness. It is not normal to be so involved and to feel so hurt myself because a boy dumped my daughter.
Has anyone else been here? Do you have any advice? Should I see a doctor or therapist? I can't seem to let it go. She is dealing with it better than I am!!