motherof4's picture
motherof4

Teen Daughter with a baby and sorry boyfriend

Hi,I would like some advice..I have a 16 year daughter that has a baby and the father is as sorry as can be he seemed to be a good respectable boy until...It all started about a year and a half ago,she wasn't aloud to date however we would let him come over and she went to his house,keep in mind when he was here they were right up under us and his mother kept telling me that it was the samething at her house well turns out she was letting them go whereever..in the mean time I had her on b-control for bleeding reasons but her Dr.took her off and was wanting us to see a gyn well this was just before the holidays so I was waiting until she got out of school..and she turned up preg..the mother tries to act as if she is 16 herself you just cant deal with her she took him and his sister out of school and home schooled them in the 7th grade but he couldnt even do basic math when they meet and my daughter helped him study well we went online and paid for the dipolma for him and my daughter pretty much took it for him..and my husband we out of his way and got him a job at the Fire Dept and so when the baby was born he has ins but our ins paid for the delivery,we rented him a house we had next to us so he could be close he always seemed very nice and would do anything we ask,my daughter and is mother didnt get along I think they are jelious of each other he is a real mommas boy,well he couldnt pass the first responder test after them giving it 3 times and his mother telling him that wasnt a career job so he got fired,we think he may have done it on purpose b/c everyone studied with him and he knew it.He got a job working at a tractor company and got fired from it.. my daugher is very hot headed and hates his mom,so they would always fuss we always thought it was her most of time,until we found out that he was leaving brusies on her and she said he tried to push her down the steps with the baby,so we kicked him out and sent him home it has been 3 months and he still dont have a job he let the insurance lapse on the baby and she still wants to be with him we have taken her phone her car and she still tries to contact him..he dont pay a dime for the baby nor does he even want to see her,most of the time when she tries to call him and ask for something when we are with her he want answer or he will hang up on her,In our state grandparents dont have rights even though she is minor and we provide everthing for the baby that dont mean anything,she want file for support or medicaid for the baby b/c she knows they will go after him and she dont want them to,so we dont know what else to do,we told her that if thats the way she wants it then she will have to call and beg him for whatever she needs and I was keeping the baby I told her that he is sitting there doing nothing he can watch her or provide daycare of course we want let the baby do without when it comes down to it,so just before the baby's ins lapsed she took her into the Dr. I made her pay for the co-pay and buy the meds with her Christmas money,for the last week he has been keeping the baby and when he brought her back the other night she grabed his phone and saw where he was texting a girl and talking about being naked..and the same night one of her friends saw him with a girl in truck with him,but she is still everyday giving us heck,I'm tired of the fussing I dont like my other kids to hear it.She just keeps saying she wants to move over there with him and she and his mother hate each.I dont know what to do my husband tells me that she is just gonna have to learn on her on,there is a really nice guy that is just in love with her he is leaving next month for the airforce and he told her that he would send her money home and he would take of her,of course she has no interest in him at all I guess b/c he is a good guy..Does anyone have any suggestions?



Sister83's picture
Sister83

I think your best option is to contact a lawyer, or if you don't have money for one, a legal aid/services group in your area. Find out if you are obligated under the law to provide financial support to the child of your minor daughter. If not, consider cutting her off and telling her that she must file for child support and benefits for the child. It's ridiculous for her to think that the father shouldn't be responsible, and that you should foot all the bills.

The bruises/abuse that you suspect is very serious. I would also consult the lawyer about this and think about encouraging your daughter to file for a restraining order (or protective order, or whatever you call them in your state). It is unlikely that she will agree, as most victims of domestic violence are hesitant to do so, at least at first. Your daughter is young and the responsibilities of being a mother must be very stressful for her... hopefully she will see the light soon.

As far as this airforce guy is concerned, I don't think getting involved with another guy would be healthy for your daughter at this point, and I wouldn't encoruage it. She needs to focus on being a mother and learning about herself before getting involved in another relationship. She shouldn't have the idea that she needs a guy to complete her life or take care of her.

If you can, it couldn't hurt to set up counseling with a doctor, therapist, religious group etc.

Hang in there and try to stay positive. Good luck.

sandstorm's picture
sandstorm

no one deserves the abuse at all! you definitely should consult a lawyer and let him know what has been going on. A lot of times teens "think" they're in love, but it's really LUST- they try to imagine this perfect lifestyle when it's merely a dream!

motherof4's picture
motherof4

I would like to thank ya'll for reading my post..and for the advice,I called the court house family law devision and the told me that the father had no rights to the baby until he proves that he is the father and takes it before the courts,she said it didn't matter who's name was on the birth cert.However she said that my husband and I could file for temp custody of her for ever how long the judge wants to give us,its just so hard she is a very good mother she takes care of her from the time she comes in from school she does her washing she breast feeds she is just cant see him for what he is..and she is giving us a VERY hard time about it,I sit and cry we fight all the time about him I just wish she could see..he didnt even see the baby for Christmas he said he had to go to his grandmothers house.This is the hardest thing we have ever been through,she is one of these teens that thinks she knows it all..is is wrong that we have taken her car and her phone?

acitez's picture
acitez

If she's earning enough to take care of all her needs (including insurance and housing), then it was wrong. As long as you are paying the bills, those things aren't hers, they are yours. You are letting her use your things, and you can change your mind, even with no justification at all.

motherof4's picture
motherof4

No,she doesn't pay anything she is a junior in High Shcool we provide everything for her and the baby..thank you for reading my post and for the adivce...she is on of these teens that thinks everyone owes her something..