lovinglife954's picture

Spoiled Child

Hi every one. I have a daughter is 17 and is so spoiled and rude. She demands every thing at once. The other day I was at the mall with her and she saw a few outfits at limited too and she was begging me to buy them for her. I did. I love buying thing for her because her older brother is in college and she really doesnt have any friends to hang out with. She does have ADHD and alot of other problems including not being mature. (mind of 8 year old.) But I feel that me buying her all these toys, games and taking her to build a bear is a bad thing. I am always in an argument with her. She always tells me that I am too protective of her because I dont let her wear thongs and wear tight tops. She makes rude remarks telling me that because I wont let her go to the mall alone with a boy that I am being to protective! She also keeps her cell phone with her at night and I have heard her talking to boys a few times. (sexually). I dont know what I should do. What can I do with the cell phone issue along with the spoiling and rude remarks? HELP!!!!!

Andrew's picture

I think if you treat her like a spoiled child you will get a spoiled child. If you act like you are dealing with the mind of an 8 yr old thats what you will get especially when it suits her. Independence is what we all strive for or should be striving for, to be able to do things for ourselves then we appreciate it more when other people do things for us. I'm not talking about a reward system but does she help a little around the house? did she deserve the gift you gave her? would one outfit of been enough? I think if you treat her with respect and demand respect back you will be off on the right foot.

Explain your issue with the phone late at night and that you love her and it is important that you know who she interacting with. Maybe you could allow calls up to a certain hour or for a certain amount of time. Do you pay the phone bill? If she has a boyfriend from your area invite him for dinner or some activity so you get to know who she wants to go to the mall with and who she is friends with. Provide your daughter with the info she needs to protect and respect herself and others.

In relation to the underwear and tight tops I think the media have a lot to answer for. I really thing children are sexualized by some of the clothes in the shops at far too young of an age, but remember your daughter is 17, what were you interested in at that age, clothes boys? I don't know.

It can be difficult to give children/teens/adults of tomorrow the freedom they need to develop when we are worried about where they are? who they are with? what are they doing? You have to let them go to let them grow but she has to gain your trust and respect for you to do this and vice versa.

mayamay's picture

If she is delayed, then you have the difficulty of teenaged emotions with a child's mind. Do you have a counselor or Sp Ed teacher who can help you? Are there laws to help protect delayed adults in your state? There are predators who seek out the extra vulnerable.

I'd take the phone away before bedtime every night, as a matter of routine. All teenagers need uninterrupted sleep. She doesn't have people who rely on her that need to contact her in the middle of the night. It would be different if she were a volunteer fireman or something.

I'd ask the Sp Ed teacher to help you with the rudeness, too. She needs to learn to speak respectfully to people with authority starting with you, or some judge is going to find her in contempt and lock her up.

Sister83's picture

Does your daughter actually have the mind of an 8 year-old, or are you just using a bit of exaggeration to illustrate a point? It's hard to tell from your post. If so, I second the suggestion to work with counseling and special ed programs.

Also, I saw and responded to your posts about your daughter meeting boys on the internet.. but you didn't indicate that she was developmentally dealyed (unless I missed it). If she has some developmental issues, I would be very concerned about her meeting people on the internet, and I'd address that with a professional. And I'd take away the phone at night.

I'm a bit confused about shopping at "The Limited Too" (I thought that was children's clothes?) and how you know what kind of underwear your daughter wears...

Sister83's picture

Also, I would say that generally not letting a 17 year-old go alone to the mall is being over-protective. She is going to be in "the real world" in a year.

But, I'm not clear on the extent of your daughter's developmental disabilities. Maybe posters could give better advice if you gave a better picture of that.

Good luck to you :)