chellfairy's picture
chellfairy

Parent(adult)Bullying?????(bare w/me, it's long)

My daughter is 16 and in the marching band. he first year in band, there were a few guys who had crushes on dd. She is friendly with them, but does not want a boyfriend (thank you, God!) I've met the boys, they come over our house and they are nice kids. Okay, so, this past summer at band camp, I guess a parent overheard the two boys talking about liking dd and how she won't date them. The parent said "Oh, I see that dd and her friend are still the same B*****'s from last summer. Don't get involved with them, they're just teases."
After she told me this, I was understandably P'O'ed. She asked me not to say anything because last year another kid had a problem and when the parents complained, the other kids were horrible to her. I thought I was just going to let it pass, as long as there were no other incidences. That was 6 months ago. Well, over Xmas break the band went to Florida to play at the outback bowl for halftime. After they got to the hotel and in their rooms, the girls took showers and there was a meeting they were supposed to be at and a mom came to their room and told them they were late. They missed 10 minutes of the meeting. When they walked in, one of the moms went over to them and loudly said. "How is it that you can't get to the meeting on time? Everyone knew about the meeting and you two think your so important that you can come in anytime? Now you are not going to know what to do and where to be and will ruin the whole performance for everyone. If you make a mistake you will not be performing. We can do without you. As this mom was ranting at the girls, the band director was addressing everyone saying to please know where to be. The mom looked over at the girls and said "GIRLS!!!!"Do YOU know where you're supposed to be?"
Okay, so that's the story and I am furious. I am not one of those moms who think my daughter isn't capable of screwing up. My daughter said they didn't hear the anouncement and I told her that was on her, she should have payed closer attention. BUt the lady who yelled at and embarrassed the girls is the wife of the Dad who called them B's.
I want to calm down before deciding how to handle this. What makes this even more annoying is that these parents are "christians" and make it a point that everyone knows it. I feel their behavior is very unchristian like, but that isn't the point, I know.
I thought maybe to send the parents an email and thought it not a good idea. I am so furious that I can't think straight, so I'm asking advice. It's just one of those things where I don't want to act on my anger.
Anyone have to deal with anything like this? How did you work it out?
If not, how do you think you would handle it if it happened with any of your daughters?
****my dd just told me that when they were on the bus, the kid of the parents walked by and said "WOW, I wish I could be cool like you two" , oh, and another thing I just learned......the dad with the big mouth is also the president of the moms and dads club....!!!!



mayamay's picture
mayamay
The person who told you about the overheard conversation, when the dad called your daughter a B, did that person speak up to the dad? If not, you know a couple of things about that persons' character. Either that person is a coward or a liar, and that person is a gossip. You need to show by example what a reasonable person does when dealing with a gossip, and gossips are always either cowards or liars. or both. As far as the public humiliation. How is your daughter feeling about that? I would encourage her to keep on trucking, head held high. I would talk to the band director about taking responsibility for discipline. It was disrespectful of this woman to be speaking while he was addressing the students.
mom6's picture
mom6
On most I agree with mayamay. However you do need to take up the incident with the band director. Even in Florida if they are with the school that is school time and its up to the teacher or teachers involed to handle dicipline. The parent is out of line and I'm sure that had it been you doing that to her or his child they would have not liked it either. The proper way to handle it is through the school. Simply ask that if the parent can't refrain from yelling at students that they be banded from futher actvities. This is your child not theirs. Its also not there responsibly to displine another student and if it was then it was not handled correctly and I would still take it up with the school. Best of luck.