Jillian Kerins's picture
Jillian Kerins

My teens

I have a 15yr(16teen Nov'07) old boy who apart from been extremely moody I have to say is no problem but I also have a 16yr old adaughter (17teen Nov '07) and I worry a lot about her.She was always a good girl for helping around the house (and still Is) but she has no desire to get part time work over the summer just want to hang out with her friends and her hand is out the whole time looking for money. She seems to have got very moody, and I just detest some of the clothes she wears. e.g.  black sweaters black everything kinda gothic look. Is this normal or should I be concerned



BobMeadows's picture
BobMeadows

Jellian Kerins,

I think you are not in any serious danger with your daughter. Nothing you said looks any different from what my daughter did for a while at that tough age. The only thing I would change from what I did, would be to figuratively slap that what-do-you-mean-you-don’t-have-any-money-go-to-the-ATM hand a little more. I don’t know how you handle the money situation – if you give an allowance, or just hand out money as needed – but, if my daughter of 16 was not willing to employee herself, and selected to live as though she had a fully funded annuity, I would not be willing to subsidize her till she choose door number two and got a job. This is a subject I am very familiar with because of some ‘stuff’ I am doing related to kids and money. What will work is for her to work.

 

Keep in mind, fits and tantrums are only an attempt to gain or retain control, don’t react, don’t respond to them except with the comment, “I see you are too upset to discuss this calmly, let me know when you can.”, and leave the room. The less you respond in a negative way, the more likely they are to stop. The only part of moodiness you may need to address is depression with phrases of despair, devaluation and talk of suicide. Seek professional help at that point, quickly.

No matter how much your house may deteriorate to resemble an asylum, it is still wrong for the inmates to run it. Be a parent, and be in charge!

One of the harder jobs parents are charged with is that of listening to their kids without being judgmental. At the age of your kids, they will cut you off like a butcher trims fat from a pork loin if you start telling more than listening. They are deep in the “who-am-I” phase, and tend to precede most thoughts with the assumed mental mumble “I’m right!”

Otherwise, you just need to keep the channels of communication available, and your eyes open. You keep the communication available by just being available, not by pressing. You want to create opportunity for talk, like eating supper together 2-3 nights per week, rather than just sitting down and saying, ”Lets talk.” Oh, and don’t say, “What did you do in school today?” You will hear in response, “Noth’in.” If you want to get non-monosyllabic answers, don’t ask yes or no questions. It is not the easiest thing to do, but, the point of to reduce pressure and build trust that you will not dig, dig, dig! And you have to trust them too.

 

As for fashion... good luck with that!

 

DaMoKi Bob

 

raised4's picture
raised4

Don't worry about your daughter not wanting to work.  She has a lifetime of workimg.  Be concerned if she has no goals for her life.  If she doesn't work, put her on a monthly budget.  Once the money is gone, she has to wait until next month.   As far as fashion, tell her that she will be judged by what she wears and how she speaks.  I know that's not fair but it is reality.  Good luck.