starlight38us's picture
starlight38us

My son doesnt want me in his life

I raised my son alone since he was 2 years ago (divorced his dad then).  My son moved out on me last year because he didnt like the discipline I was giving him...He got himself in trouble with the internet and I took his computer away.  Abused his cell phone and I took that away too temporarily...He didnt like that so daddy dearest moved up here and got an apartment so my son can live with him..Of course he got his computer and cell phone back.   He moved out of here bringing 2 police officers to my door...He totally broke my heart...I am a good mother and I tried my best.  He has a father that hates me and has always ran me down calling me names.  Thats all my son knows.  My son has become disrespectful to me the past couple of years and blames me for always starting a fight..Today he said online that he doesnt want me in his life because its not worth it having me in his life..I rented a limo for his prom and I never even got a pic from his prom....He gave them to everyone else...I had asked weeks before..He treats me like Im no good and that I'm the one that is messed up...He has broken my heart and I'm tired of crying for him all the time...He moved out last year and I probably saw him 10x.  Towards the end he started lieing saying he had to work to avoid seeing me...Thats why I would have discussions with him that I wont tolerate him treating me like scraps.  He puts the blame on me and wont accept his bad behavior....Sorry this is so long but he's my only child and Im so upset that he came out and said this to me...Any advice what others might do in this situation?

Thank you

 



C1962's picture
C1962

I had  about the same problem with my son.  I know it is hard for you to just let him be.    If he is of age not much you can really do with out feeling the hurt and the rejection he can put on you.  All you can really do is let him know that you still love him and that you are there for him. 

My son has lived on his own for 5 years now.  I haven't seen him for 2 years.  He has been in a relationship with a girl that has caused him grief and pain.  But, he continues to go back and stay.  This is how I handle it because I had to come to terms with my feelings.  I don't have any contact with him, I let him live his own life.  He gets in trouble he usually will call me.  Then I get the sorry mom, your right bit.  He knows I love him and will help him as much as I can.  I dont' give him any money any more.  I give him the help and support to get through what he is going through.  He would make my life so painful it would make me sick with worry.  I had high blood pressure, couldn't sleep etc....   You have to just let him know your their for him and that you love him and tell him that you would like to go to dinner with him or something for the both of you.  Then you need to let him live his life.  If he continues to treat you badly, I know its hard but concentrate on your life.  Be proud that you raised your son to become a young adult.  It's time for him to learn on his own.  Don't make yourself sick due to his behavior.  Most kids when they grow up will return a better person.  Take care of yourself, it's your time to enjoy life. 

starlight38us's picture
starlight38us

thank you for the comment.  Yesterday he said online to me that I am a waste of time to him to try to make it work out between us.  We would have a good time, then he would be disrespectful...I would let him know that and he says its like being in a war.  He acts like he's the victim and he fed up of my nagging...He said that he wished I wasnt his mother, hurtful things....I tried to call his cell just to say hi and he doesnt answer.  I've emailed him and I know he's read it but he doesnt respond...In anger I've said some stupid things like if you dont want to see me in life, then dont see me in death..Random stuff when he made me angry..Then he points that out and acts like Im the troubled person..Im not going to chase him...I tried to reach out and thats all I can do...Thanks for your comments..

C1962's picture
C1962

This is so sad, I do know how you feel. It can be very hurtful when a young child wants to blame you for everything.  This is a child that doesn't want to take responsiblity for his own actions but, wants to blame you because your close and you are their for him to blame. 

Back up give him some space.  You can't force him if he's of age.  If he wasn't of age I would say maybe getting some outside help, like a therapist or a clergy. 

If you have problems letting him have space and moving on.  Please talk to a therapist or a clergy.  They will do wonders to help you get through this. 

If you let him have space, he might come around when he is older.  Just let him know that you are there for him and you love him.  That you love him enough to give him space.  That you would like to have a good relationship with him.  If you get this chance to go to dinner or something with him.  Don't nag him, be more like a friend to him.  This will show him that you are tired of nagging and saying hurtful things.  Be the parent, since he is older be a friend.  He doesn't live with you so, it will be easy for you.  If you get this chance, make sure you are ready not to nag him.  Enjoy the time you both have together. 

Take care of yourself and enjoy your life.