daytime's picture

My daughter is spinning off. ANY ADVICE IS HELPFUL

Hello all,

I've been having a tough time with my daughter recently.
It's been a progressive problem, and as of lately, its only been getting worse.

She is the youngest of three children and there are several things we are having difficulty with:

-We have talked to her multiple times about not doing all of the things listed below. She seems remorseful, and fixes her behavior for a day to maybe only a couple of hours, then she just starts all over again.

-she hides things, like she takes cookies and food out of the pantry and eats them. This is pretty normal, but now she takes food (like specific treat that was given to one of my older children) that doesn't belong to her. My two other children get upset, because she usually takes food that they were looking forwards to. Now we have to hide the food they really want to eat. It shouldn't have come to this.

-She has an enormous sense of entitlement. She just believes that she can have whatever she wants, and will always scream until she gets her way.

-We tried a prize system, where we would buy toys she wants, but won't let her have them until she does something she has to. She either steals the toy, or just doesn't seem to care about it anymore.

-When we tried explaining to her that everything costs something, we suddenly found that she had a lot of money. We think that she goes around the house and tries to find money we've left out. She doesn't steal from our wallets, but we're worried.

-Again, she is the youngest.

Our oldest is a bit odd, she's not very consistent with anything, but she generally does spectacularly at what she likes. She takes all challenging classes and has an I.Q. of 155.

Our middle child is also very bright, but he is not like our oldest, as he is very meticulous. He is currently doing the john Hopkins accelerated learning class.

(We never point any of this out to her, but we're worried that she notices anyways)

I'm starting to worry that they have an adverse effect on our youngest's learning experience. She is not motivated at all, her school has said she has a learning disability and has put her in a special course, but she does well when she wants.

-BUT, she never seems to want to do work, she complains that she doesn't have any breaks even though she is only in fifth grade. I think that she just doesn't feel like paying attention (although I never mention this to her) and then sees the children around her who have real learning disabilities and work like they do.

Once she brought home a project that looked really sloppy. She was complaining that the teacher gave her a bad grade for it and that she did her best. I KNEW that she spent very little effort on it, but her special ed teacher said it was perfect. She seems to want to blame any mistakes on others, but still wants good grades.

-She made a Facebook profile when we explicitly told her not she could not have one until she is in high school. Our oldest caught her, she made her deactivate the account.

-She has trouble making and keeping friends. She was best friends with one girl ( a girl that our oldest didn't like from the start and keeps reminding me that she didn't) their relationship was good at first, but the other girl started changing. Recently, our oldest daughter happened to see that this "best friend" wrote really horrible things to our youngest on gmail. Our oldest told us and we had a talk about friends. The two are no longer friends, but our youngest is still having trouble making friends.

I really don't know what to do anymore, any help will be GREATLY appreciated

mayamay's picture

Perhaps her teacher can give you some direction.

I find it useful to focus on what you want the child to DO, instead of on what you find her doing wrong.

When she wants food, what do you want her to do? Do you want her to take things from a shelf or cookie jar where her special treats are kept? Do you want her to have a healthy snack and drink of water first?