Chuck's picture
Chuck

my daughter is from mars

Hello , this is awkward, this is my first posting. My name is Chuck dad of a soon to be 16 year old girl. My daughter is for the most part normal teen, but she has a boyfriend that is to controlingand as many teen boys way to horney!!!  She has been dating him for 5 months and we have been through alot with them both. She says he is changing for the better I think he is only changing her. my wife and I try not to demand she not see him for fear that it will only drive her torward him. she is so obsesed with her social life  she barly made it through freshman year of high  school!! We are afraid sophmore year will be more of the same.We found out they had sex and I think that is part of the problem she thinks (in my opinion) that it must be love because of that.she cant seem to tear herself away from myspace or her selphone and when we try to open comunication she blows up if we ask her about whats going on in her life. She says we dont praise her enough but honestly its hard to find much to praise. She has an 8 year old brother that if he breaths near her she jumps all over him. we are seeing a counsler but she tells him everything is fine, and sometimes it is but it can change in a nano second. I guess I am trying to find out what we (my wife and I ) are doing wrong . Any suggestions would help.

Chuck ,   dad who loves his daughter



ages13-18-20's picture
ages13-18-20

Chuck: you have my sympathy. My daughter was a lot like that and even worse. It's been a tough road for us but we still love each other. She just graduated from HS and has been back and forth on the honor role and failing and skipping school < to hang out w/ undesirables>. I tried a lot of things, tough love, counseling of various types, calling police and having her arrested for hitting me and destroying the house, court ordered anger managment, taking her to live w/ her dad which lasted less than 48 hours w/ her pleading to come home, staying w/ my brother who she deceived and stole from....like i said, it's been really tough. She went to jail after she turned 18 for a week for domestic violence and is now on probation and mandatory drug testing every week. I think this really opened her eyes. It's very hard to press charges on your child, but when you are the victim it has to be done. My other two children have never been in legal trouble and do not treat me this way. I'm told by many that I'm a good mother. I have also received counseling for anxiety due to all of this. You have to be the lighthouse and they will always come to you when they are ready to accept your help. otherwise, let them fall down and get up as many times as it takes.

Eaglemom's picture
Eaglemom

I totally agree that they should be allowed to fall down as often as necessary.  Counseling is also good.  You need to find the right counselor.  Perhaps you and your wife should speak with the current counselor or a new one and provide more informaiton to them and perhaps have family counseling to get to the bottom of the problem. 

The boyfriend, My Space, etc. are feeding the problem.  Now you need to find out what the problem truely is and understand it.  She will keep making these same mistakes over again until she realizes what she is doing.  She ultimately has to decide not to live in the pit, but you need help in understanding why she lives there and so that you don't get pulled into that pit with her.

suzyq's picture
suzyq

wow...maybe our daughters know each other... because they come from the same planet.  Last week my daughter was telling me how much she loved me and that she was glad she could talk to me... this week she has decided that I am the source of her stress and confusion and that she is going to live with her Dad.  When she delivered the news... via cell phone.. with her dads encouragement... she was cold and mean.  I had to picture her in my head to remind myself that I was really talking to my daughter.  She is possessed.  I just know it.  I'm not sure she is even from Mars.  I am confused.  Broken Hearted and not sure what to do.  She'll be 16 in two months and in our state able to live with whichever parent she wants.  Everyone tells me to let her go.  She has decided that she 'never' wants to come home again.  She's never spent more than a week with her father at one time so Im sure the newness will wear off.  My own mother says, "Honey, enjoy the week off".  After reading the posts here I am starting to realize that maybe its not ME.  Now if I could just convince my heart that.

Sorry... I didn't give any advice.  Just wanted you to know that my daughter is from the same planet as yours I think.  :)  My mother says I'll get through it ... the apple apparantly didn't fall to far from the tree.