shwnpentz@yahoo.com's picture
shwnpentz@yahoo.com

my 18 year old daughter has a 15 year old boy friend

I have known for some time now that my 18 yr daughter has a just turned 15yr old boyfriend and she knows that I am not happy about it. But tonight I just found out that they have been having sex! I do not know what to do about this she could destroy her future this is not legal and if his parents find out I'm not sure what they would say or do, they do know that the kids are more than just friends but they do not know about the sex.I am desperate can someone please give some advice?!?



Whoops_there_he_is's picture
Whoops_there_he_is

She is an adult by law.
Adults are held accountable if and when arrested for statutory rape, whether they are male or female.

Speak to the child's parents if you are so inclined. I personally would have my daughter sitting there when the topic was discussed!
And ask your daughter if she is using any form of protection against pregnancy.

If she lives in your home, remind her of some of the rules and laws against having *relations* with a minor.

What would you do if your daughter was the 15 year old, and the boy was 18?

Carol
Crosby, MN

acitez's picture
acitez

I don't know the law, but I wonder if you are an accessory to the crime if you know about it and do not report it.

shwnpentz@yahoo.com's picture
shwnpentz@yahoo.com

I talked to the parents when I found out the two were dating and made sure that they knew my daughter was 18 they were aware of this and were ok with it I on the other hand was not. I talked to my daughter about the law and what could happen how she could ruin her future. She plans on going to medical school and she has been a camp counsler working with young kids for 4 years now. At that time she said nothing serious was going on. She is on birth control. And I am afraid to tell the parents if it was the other way around I would probably press charges. She does still live at home with me she is in new york at this time for a competion and will not be back until this Tuesday. I called her last night when I found out and confronted her I don't think I should do anything until she comes back home.

Tay's picture
Tay

Well what I cab tell you that everything your daughter is doing is not going to be ran by you before she do the stuff she doit this is child is grown and just stepping out there in the world she have to learn what to do and what not to do cause everybody have to make their own mistakes and if do get in trouble behind having a boyfriend that is a minor it will be on her own terms she have to learn the way of the world we know we dont want our children making the same mistakes we make but you just have to accept the fact that she grown now and she have to learn to make her own mistakes out there in the world.......

Valente

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

It is our job as parents to teach and advise our children no matter what their age. We have a duty to tell them if we know they are not doing the right thing, more so if the law is being broken. This girl needs to be told that all her goals will be nothing when she gets charges against her for having a physical relationship with a minor.

Baby_Momma...'s picture
Baby_Momma...

My god! No way will my daughter ever do that!

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Never say not ever. All children and young adults will eventually do some things we as parents think they won't ever do. When a number of teen and unmarried young adult peers of my daughter got pregnant and/or involved with drugs through the years I also said my daughter would never do that. She did not, but made other poor choices, such as staying in a controlling and then abusive relationship for 5 years and running up over $30,000 of debt with this dead-beat ex.

Your daughter may not make this same poor choice, but will do many things that have an adverse effect on her life. It is part of growing up and learning about life. Some youngsters choose to learn the hard way so it is our job to remain vigilant as parents and teach our children as best we can. There is a lot of helpful advice and info on this forum.

shwnpentz@yahoo.com's picture
shwnpentz@yahoo.com

Well I nrver thought my daughter would eithier she is and has always been a wonderful daughter good at home good in school we have always had great communication with each other but then BAM!! whe she turned 18 I did not know who this kid was anymore all I can do is love her and be there for her cause bottom line she is my daughter.. and I know there were ALOT of things that I did that my mother should have given up on me but she never did and niether will I.

shwnpentz@yahoo.com's picture
shwnpentz@yahoo.com

Thank you so much for your comment. I felt like everyone else here was putting me and my daughter down. And just an update.. My daughter and this boy are still seeing each other his parents are ok with everything I am still not comfortable with it and my daughter knows that but she also knows that I love her and will support her as much as I can..

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

You are welcome. This forum is for advice and help in real life situations, not judgement.

While I am not advocating this relationship, I want to tell you about a similar situation. The son of my best friend from college met a senior 18 y/o girl when he was a nearly 15 y/o freshman just entering high school. They were friends, just talking, as far as my friend knew, then she found out they were having sex right after he turned 15. The girl's parents were furious, threw her out of their home and she, having "no where to live" prevailed on my friend to let her move into her home promising the physical side of the relationship would end. Of course it did not, which my friend found out much later, but thankfully, they did use birth control. 7 years later they are still together, but the girl has nearly no relationship with her family, calls my friend Mom and leaves her parents out of all of the milestones of her life, high school and college graduations and now their upcoming wedding.

You are in a difficult position, knowing your daughter is not doing the right thing but not wanting to lose your daughter. I was in the same position when my daughter was with her abusive ex b/f. I hung in there for 5 years, hoping she would come to her senses, which she eventually did and has been back at home woth me for over a year, slowly putting her life back together. Just be the best mother you can be under these trying circumstances. Maybe your daughter will end up with this boy but whatever the case, you need to keep the lines of communication open and always be there for your daughter.

Best wishes for a positive outcome.