My boy was being disrespectful, it started about 2 years ago, when he was 14.  I kept waiting for my husband to say something like "you don't treat your mother that way," because that's what I remember happening in my own childhood, and I'm pretty sure that disrespect toward my mother-in-law would have been dealt with immediately.  Well, it never happened.  Finally, one day at dinner I calmly picked up the boy's plate (he'd just said something mildly negative about the food,) and said, "when you learn to show respect for me, I will be happy to have you eat in this house."  I dumped his food in the garbage and cleared the rest of the food from the table, put it away.  Then I sat down and finished my dinner.  (I just asked him if he remembered this, he does.)  I continued doing this every time he was rude about my cooking.  At other times in the day, when he showed disrespect, I would "model" appropriate behavior, for example, "excuse me" when he said "MOVE", and I would be obstructive--you know, passive resistance-- until he was respectful in his behavior.   We also had a couple of  discussions in our family meeting (every week) about what things are not acceptable in our family.  Rolling ones' eyes at an authority figure (parent, teacher, police) would be a great example of unacceptable behavior.  As would slamming a door, unless there were a wolf coming through it. 

  Argument?  well, kids do need to develop their reasoning skills.  I picked this up from a Boys' Town manual that I found at the library and we talked about it in our family meeting.  When an authority figure gives you a command, the proper response is "Yes sir," or Yes ma'am".   First say that.  Then, if you believe that the person doesn't have all the information they need in the situation, you say "Excuse me, may I say something?"  If the situation is not urgent, a wise authority figure will agree.  Then you tell the person the additional information, like "I have 20 minutes of research for my homework assignment.  I would like to finish that before I shovel the walk." or "I think I broke my collarbone." 

  This formal dialogue is really useful when you are first addressing the disrespect.  Now, for my and my boy, it is a very informal, mutually respectful dynamic.  We have a lot of fun. 

LOL, my 13 yo daughter has been without a door for several weeks because when there's an argument she runs in her room and locks the door and then talks crap from behind the locked door. I found it was easier to remove the whole door than the lock. She's not very happy about it. I have told her when things improve that she can have it back. I have also had a problem with disrespect, we are in the south but just moved here a few years ago and my 13 yo has had problems with the custom of saying sir/maam. I find now that when I'm really angry with her I require her to say yes maam and she hates it. Most of the time we have good informal communication but the past few weeks she has been making everything into something and being very resistant.

At some point, you have to let go emotionally. She's being mean to you, then pull back. Don't go further into the fight, just walk away. Don't say anything else. Just walk.

In a way, we condition ourselves and others to fight with us. You go up the stairs, knock on door and she knows it's going to be bad. In other words, she's prejudged the situation and hasn't given it a chance.

So try this. Don't say anything to her except hi and bye when she's in a snit. Don't let her think she can be rude to you and still get her way.

When my son gets impossible, I've learned to walk away. I've even went out the door calmy, walked up the street and believe me... he got the message. You can't be rude to me and expect me to give you what you want. This translates into adulthood too: you can't be rude to others and expect them to hire you, befriend you, give you responsibilities.