MEANMOM's picture
MEANMOM

MY 15 1/2 YR. SEX WITH 17 B/F

Yes my daughter is on birth control..but I thought I could trust the boys mom. The woman says they have to leave the door open if they are in the spare room playin video games and otherwise they are in the living room.My daughter has been goin over there at least 3 times a week..They have been together for 2 months but the reason I allow this is cuz his mom has MS and has had siezures lately and they only have one vehicle and the boy does not want to be far from his mom. Since his mom is home ALL the time. I thought I would make an exception. Just found out they had sex..my daughters first. I decided once a week and not all day either and I will talk with the mom.Only my daughter made the comment after 3 weeks they were allowd to close the door.I am irate to say the least.This boy is a nice boy and I do not condone this behavior, but I just dnt know if I can trust the mom, and I dont want to cause them to break up.Now that I putlimits on her time there, or I say no about something she says I wish I had never told you..you are sayin no cuz you think we will have sex.We are gettin ready to start counseling maybe my answer is there.Just tryin to get some advice anything while I await my counseling appointment.please help...sooooo sad...and yes she knows all about disease and other consequences of sex.



motherof4's picture
motherof4

I think I can relate somewhat to your situation my daughter was 15 and her boyfriend of a year and a half..My husband and I didn't let her date however we would let him come over and she could go over there the futherest the could go was on the front porch however he is mother kept asking me if I was letting them go or do anything and I explained to her what the done here and she said the same however I later found out that she was letting them go where ever they wanted to so guess what she became pregnant.We thought he was a great young man she always fought with him b/c he is a mommas boy and she felt as if she played 2nd to her,we done so much for him his mother is very disfuncional she didnt make the kids go to school so he quit and my husband got him on at the FD were he works and my daughter helped him pass on of those on lind dipolmas but he couldnt pass the fd test so he got fired at this time we rented him a house just down form us and then he got a job at little shop working on lawn mowers we he lost that then we found out this very nice boy was leaving brusies on her so we kicked him out and told him that they were not ot see each other of course they still sneak to talk we took her cell and her car.she is just giving us hell,turns out he is as sorry as they come he let the baby's insurance lapse so he dont pay anything for her and we are doing everthing she want push anything on him because she dont want to hurt him,go figure he dont work she has caught him texting other girls about sex she just dont see the light,and our hands are tied,we dont mind provieding for the baby however he should be made to do something and she will let them see the baby when the want,makes me sick I found out that he got her ss number and is going to claim her which I will turn him in for he has not done anything for this child nor did she live one day with him..do you have any suggestions for me?

Sister83's picture
Sister83

I really only have advice for Meanmom- and I don't have a ton of advice, but my heart really goes out to you b/c some of what you say about your daughter reminds me of my teenage years.

Counseling is definitely a step in the right direction and it is great that you have recognized these problems and are working to remedy them right away.

My advice is to just try to relax until you go to the counseling. You are not a bad parent. It is good that your daughter trusted you enough to tell you that she is having sex, and equally good that the two of you had the foresight to put her on birth control. While having sex isn't the best idea, it seems your daughter has exercised sound judgment about the birth control. Just try to "nag" her once in a while about making sure she is using it properly.

I know this is very hard to accept, and it certainly doesn't make it right... but it really isn't uncommon for kids this age to have sex. In some ways, if kids want to have sex, there isn't much the parents can do to stop them- they will find a way. It's just the reality of the situation. But that is not to say that you should encourage it or provide extra opportunities (unsupervised visits etc)

So, though it seems like the end of the world, and I'm sure it is difficult for you to think of your daughter in this type of relationship, what she did isn't really abnormal or too wild and it could definitely be a lot worse. Just remember, a lot of kids have sex in high school and few of them end up ruining their lives :)

The trust issue with the boy's mother is a problem, and I think it would be best to ask the counselor for advice on this issue. The mother might be so worn out with her MS that she tries her best, but sometimes gives in, or just can't keep track of what is going on. I think it would be a stuggle for someone that sick to provide good supervision.

You could find a tactful way to talk to the boy's mother about this... and your daughter too, provided she is mature enough to understand where you're coming from. Or, as you have been, you could mandate that most (or all) of their time together be spent in your home or somewhere public (like the movies)... but they could end up sneaking over there anyway...

I would just try to avoid couching things in terms of "punishment for having sex" and try to explain to her that you are just looking out for her, like any mom would do.

Good luck with the counselor.

MEANMOM's picture
MEANMOM

Ok,,, Thank you for the support..and I just took a nice hot bath and relaxed and decided it could be much worse and I thank you for your advice..I have an UPDATE!!!!Yeah!!
Well I did not ground her for having sex!! My daughter got caught with a cell phone behind my back 3 times...so third time the police became involved cuz of some threatening txt messages, no charges were filed but a serious warning to my daughter not to harass people, I grounded her for a week and told her she was only gonna go somewhere once a week and no spending the night with anyone for a while.Well her b/f decided he was gonna "take a break from relationship" while she was grounded cuz he could not handle not talkin to her.Well his mother posted my son neeeds a girl well over the age of 15!! on her my space..my daughter made her mood say" you could not even wait for me for a week..Pathetic!!" well theb/f got mad and when she got the phone back he will not talk to her and wants to end things permanently..Although this is sad for her..and if they had stayed together I would have tried 100% to work with them..BUT now..I dont have to talk to his mother, I don't have to feel sick when I let her go there, cuz she will not be goin there. Now I just have to make sure I talk her out of having rebound sex or finding someone to replace this boy..I hope not..she also has an older 1/2 sis that is gonna talk to her too..and my friends are all gonna take turns spending the day with her till she feels better. First thing I will do is take her to OB for STD test make sure she is clean.She is SO heart broken.. I told her so feelings are multiplied by alot when sex is involved. she said "I know that now..mom"Poor girl. but til next time.

MEANMOM's picture
MEANMOM

First..I hope you have put your daughter on some kind of Birth Control if they are sneaking around..you don't want a second grandbaby!!my daughter has Implanon it is inserted in the arm by a needle and it is good for 3 years!!! Great that you tried to help this boy out..and good for you for standing up and kicking him out for leaving bruises..I think takin her car and cell away is a good idea at least it will limit her time spent with Him..What about goin to court for child support??? Explain to her they will only take what he can afford and nothin more I have a friend that only gets $25.00 a week!! it adds up. Have this girl do some volunteering like in a soup kitchen or something..sounds far fetch but occupying her time with other things will keep her mind off this boy and it feels good to help others.She may not like the idea but once she does it she wil like it mine did.Hospitals also have volunteers. There are some good mom support groups tooo. maybe if she made friends with another girl her age that is a mom or even someone to look up to.Wow is all I can say..I wish I had more to offer..those mama's boys are something.. I know my daughter's b/f was that!! She will catch him red handed one of these days if he is cheatin...then she will toughin up.Definetley turn him in for havin her SS#..Can't believe he did that...if I think of anything else I will be sure to get back on here...

motherof4's picture
motherof4

Thank you so much for the reply,I need all the support I can get,I hate that your daughter is having to go through what she is,I know she don't see it now but somethings happen for a reason and that just goes to show these girls just how some guys are they get what that can and break these girls hearts..my prayers will be with you and your family,this is the hardest thing I have ever been through I wouldn't wish it on anyone..I have her on the depo shot every 3 months we told her that she couldn't leave the house is she didn't take it.I think she is starting to see what he is made of..I will keep you updated again thank you for responding to my post.