upsetmom's picture

My 14 year old teen acused of exposing himself in class

Ok this is awful to even type but I am at a dead end and need help. My son has been accused of exposing himself at school a couple of weeks ago. This just came out yesterday and he has been suspended for three days and they say criminal charges may be pressed. He says he was itching and this girl saw him and made a big deal about it after they had words a few days ago. She says he said her name and she looked over and he had it out of his pants. I tend to believe the girl because other students (her friends) have verified the story. Although I do feel like I don't really know the whole story. I'm devastated by this whole thing and realize most parents will think he should be expelled or worse. I just don't know what to do, why he would do something like this? What should I do, he is very angry we don't believe him and should I let him go back to school when the suspension is over? I feel like his reputation is far to tarnished and will define him for the next few years.

acitez's picture

Ask the school counselor or SOMEBODY for a referral. For a couple of reasons. The most important one is that you need help from somebody who knows what they are talking about. I would be in your exact shoes if it happened to me.
Another one is, that if criminal charges are successfully pressed, and you are taking action before the court orders it, you may have a little more flexibility. I might even try to get a referral from child protective services for a good counselor for this circumstance.

tamz's picture

When I was in 8th grade, this boy did the same thing. He did not get expelled, that was 1982, but he got suspended.

Before that, he was a pretty cool kid with not much attention. After that, he was a "creepy freak" all the kids regected him like he had a disease. It was not fair and I felt sorry for him because it followed him throughout High School. He somehow got labeled a "masterbator" even though it really had nothing to do with that, but kids can be so cruel. I tell you this because you asked about changing schools.

He was wrong and so is your son, but kids do STUPID things at times. If it were my daughter I would be outraged and if it were my son, I would be outraged too, but I would do anything I could to help him get past it. I would also want to believe him so bad.

Also, what was your son thinking???? I hope you have had some SERIOUS conversation about how "if" someone did that he would be considered a sexual predator.

upsetmom's picture

yes we have had many conversations about what we would think had someone done this to his sister. He now admits that he and 3 friends thought it would be funny and they egged him on by bribing him with $10.00. He has ADHD so he doesn't always think a lot before he does things. The Police were here this morning and at least he is now admitting it. I'm sure by the end of today many parents will be calling the school and they will have no choice but to expel him. It really is the most horrible thing a parent could hear. It makes me have a bit more compassion though for kids who do over the edge things because I would have been a outraged parent who would have thought expelling was to easy for this sort of act. Thank you for your comments. We live in a small town and I have a feeling most people are not going to be so kind.

upsetmom's picture

Thank you for the advice, that is just what I'm going to do!

SnglDad's picture

Just a bit of advice. Check your local laws concerning patient privacy. For the most part a psychologist records are considered "privileged" and quite hard to have opened. A counselors records are confidential and are much easier to subpoena. Get your son as much help as he needs, but at the same time protect him from this coming back to haunt him as an adult. You also do not want to have a local law enforcement agency trying to open a counselors records and using them against him if they decide to charge him with a crime. Do not go in to his sessions with him, that breaks all privacy and opens his records up. Likewise do not ask him what he and the psychologist talked about as that may break the Dr., patient privilege.

upsetmom's picture

wow thank you, I had no idea to even think about any of that. As the day ends I feel like we may just get threw all this. Thank you for all the advice it really helped to hear peoples comments. I felt like I wanted to move my family far far away this morning, but realize now my son may have learned the hardest lessen he will ever have to and part of that is facing it head on.

kenzibrook25's picture

Tell your son that no matter what happened you still love him, that is the biggest thing. He needs to know that no matter what happens you will always be there for him. I am not sure about where you live, but here there are hotlines that kids or parents can call, see if there is ont in your area and get the number for him. Tell him that the can not tell anyone what was talked about, and he doesnt have to tell you. Let him know that if he isnt comfortable talking with you about things that he can call he hotline and talk to someone else. He might feel more comfortable, and when he does go to a counclor/therpist then it will be eaiser for him to handle. Pluse he can use the hotline when this has blown over for other things as well. You might also want to sit down with him and ask him what happened, and then LISTEN, dont talk, just listen to what he has to say. This could be his way of trying to get your attention. Also schedule a time each week where there is no tv, video games, phone, friends or outside interferince and just sit with him and talk about general stuff. When specials come on tv like 20/20 that have topics that you want to address but dont know how to bring up watch them with him and talk about the show. Also remember that this does not define who he is, just like your getting 1 speeding ticket does not make you a reckless driver, or buring dinner one night make you a bad cook, and reassure him of that as well.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I personally feel that pressing criminal charges against your son for this act is going too far, especially if he has ADHD. I realize that his actions were inappropriate and he shld know better, but like another poster said, kids do stupid things. Add ADHD to the mix, and you can better understand why. I'm in no way condoning what your son did. I just have more sympathy for him, being a mom of a child in special ed who does not have ADHD, but who does act impulsively at times. I think the embarrassment, along w/ a suspension from school shld be enough to teach your son a lesson. And still, who's to say he won't act impulsively again in the future. He may not be able to help it. I think counceling, as well as a class on appropriate social behavior cld be helpful.
I can understand how you feel. We, too, live in a small town, and believe me when I say I know how people talk. Changing schools is an option, but you can't control every action your son makes. You shldn't have to turn your life upside down. I think the advice of facing this head on is good. If, however, things get too unbearable, you can always consider other options. Good luck.