Just learned daughter has been sexually active-going forward
I just learned this afternoon that my 16 (almost 17) year old daughter has been sexually active. Now she tells me it was 3 times, all about a year ago. At that time she had been on the pill for about a year to help with her period regularity and pain. But the pill made her so physically ill that she stopped voluntarily. The "incidences" happened during the last month or two of being on the pill.
This came out today because, seeing that she is back to having so much pain with her cycle that she gets physically sick, I took her back to the doctor to see if we could try another form of birth control that may not make her so ill. And, not being an ostrich and putting my head in the sand, have suspected that she and the boyfriend may be active and want to be sure that precautions are taken against unwanted pregnancies. I do not condone sex at this stage of her life, but am not going to turn a blind eye and if it can't be prevented, at least make it responsible.
She and her boyfriend, who is 2 years older than her, have been together for a little over 2 years now. I know with certainty that he cares deeply for her and wants to marry her. His family knows it too, and treat us like we are part of their family already.
I was not surprised when she said she had hoped to tell me in another way, at another time. I am however, still reeling. I am more disappointed than angry. I have kept my cool, let her know I'm disappointed, but am glad it's finally out and that she told me. We have always had a close, open relationship and I've tried to remain very approachable. She said she feels like a 600 lb. weight is off her shoulders.
Now here's my dilemma. This happened shortly after we moved out from her father into this different house. I am a single parent now, she my only child, and she gets home from school before I get home from work, so is alone for a time. She hates this place and was having terrible anxiety attacks being here alone. She doesn't have friends that could come here and spend that time with her until I got home, and obviously a day care type thing is out of the question. But the boyfriend was able to come over so that she would not be alone.
Both his mother and I talked about the situation and to the kids, laid out the "rules", and despite my inner reluctance, decided at the time it would have to be an option to try. As you can guess, after a time, it happened here, while they were alone.
So now what do I do? The situation with her hating the house and being alone hasn't changed. She does have a job so it's not every day like it was then, but what about the off-days? Do I now say he can no longer come over until I get home? Is it a moot point? There's no going back, but what do I do moving forward? There are only 2 more weeks of school and then it's a matter of being home alone all day!
Her father doesn't yet know. They have very little to do with each other, he doesn't pay child support because he says he has no money, and within a few short months was living with another woman who we do not care for (have known her for years) and who does not care for us. I do still try to keep him abreast of important things though, and try to keep some parenting consistent between us.
I feel so responsible because of leaving her alone while I have to work. I am so torn about what to do right now. Any advice would be much appreciated.