swtbay34's picture
swtbay34

I've lost my daughter

Help from anyone would be greatly appreciated. I have a 17 year old daughter that has been dating an unsavory guy. When this first started out I tried to put my foot down and nip it in the bud before it ever got started however, my ex had a different plan and let the boy into our lives. Now things have gotton totally out of control. We have have totally lost our daughter. this boy has her lying and doinn who kmows what. She has always been a good daughter and we have never had any problems with her until know. She was a virgin until this boy, who by the way has dropped out of school, doesn't work and from what I just found out is dealing drugs. We have taken her car and phone away and I've had to hide every land line in the house so she can;t call him. He is very controlling she has in fact lost most of her girlfriends. She is captain of the cheerleading squad and has so much going for her I just want to get a grip before I totally lose her.  does anyone have anymore suggestions for me?



2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

What you are going through is exactally what happened to my daughter 5 1/2 years ago and started a total nightmare for our family.

Unfortunately there is no real solution. She is not lost, just misdirected.

Definately get her on birth control right away!!!! My daughter did not get pregnant, but many of her friends did and some have 2 & 3 children with these loser guys who don't work and are in and out of jail.

Be firm and never stop telling her she is on the wrong path but you love and care for her and will be there for her NO MATTER WHAT. My daughter has now told me she would never have left him if I had not told her so often that she could come home unconditionally anytime.

The big mistake I made was listening to those who said "tough love". That just allowed this guy who started out controlling and became extremely abusive (beat and raped her repeatedly) to get even more control over her. The police and other agencies I went to on her behalf were no help because she would not press any charges on him. She is still terrified he will come after her or me.

My daughter was not raised to accept this mistreatment, but this horrible guy was able to slowly get total contol over her. He convinced her he would kill me and her unless she stayed with him and did not tell anyone about the abuse.

My daughter finally got away from him 3 months ago and is getting her life back. The guy went on to abuse the next girlfriend, so my daughter now knows he will never change and won't ever go back to him.

BE THERE for your daughter and help her even when you feel you can do no more. Good luck in this very difficult and heartbreaking situation.

If I can be of any specific help, please let me know.

swtbay34's picture
swtbay34

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Today I turned the heat uo to high, I figured I had nothing to lose she already hated me and wanted nothing to do with me her life was consumed with this boy. I have blocked his number from both my house phone and my mobile. I have filed a peace warrant on him because I do not trust the guy. Thank God my daughter can be naive about certain things, she goes to a small private school so that has helped me I met with the dean of students as well as dean of the school and explained the situation. The are working with me to help keep this boy away. Just reading your story tells me I am doing the right thing. That is what scares me more than anything because just from his actions I can tell it would have moved on to a more violent relationship. I did take her today and had her tested for pregancy, disease and drugs and had her put on birth control. I guess it's now more of a waiting game with this boy hopefully he will move on. I glad your daughter is home safe.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

You did thie right thing. I discussed this with my daughter and she said if she had been 17 instead of 19, I would have had more control and she may not have gone so far with him. Also, keep track of your daughter and do not trust her as she will probably lie to you at any cost to see this guy. Follow her if you have to and check all her stories.

Continue to tell your daughter you love and care about her and hope she listens to you and not to him. Keep her away from anyone he knows.

Remember an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Good luck!

MEANMOM's picture
MEANMOM

She is yours til she is 18 yrs use it to your advantage, I agree with the advice that every little bit helps. Definetly stop telling her what not to do, just tell her how you feel and "this is my opinion" and ask questions how does she see things turning out marriage???? Maybe she doesn't see that far ahead? Teens love to rebell and will always do what parents tell them not to especially this close to 18. Sounds like you have taken everything away you can and yeah check her stories call police if she is out past curfew tell her your OPINION and let her know you LOVE her no matter what you only want what is best!!Any one in the family or friend she listens to sometimes teens need to hear the same parent advice from someone else before they listen or actually hear it. Major priority is for her to choose birth control, I took my 14 yr old to obgyn and made her a patient , had the nurses talk to her bout birth control and now if she decides to be sexuall she is a patient and all she has to do is call and make an appointment to get started on birth control. I'm not condoning it either I just want my daughter educated, there is alot of std's goin round now a days and i'm not ready to be a grandma yet!!!