sachetby's picture
sachetby

I'm not sure how to handle my 17yr old daughter arguement as to why I don't think it's a good idea to move out with no lifes ex

Hi,
I'm a single mom of 2, one son 29 years old, one teenage daughter 17,dispite the age difference bettween the 2 they,got along well.
My son, didn't move out on his own until he was 25,that left my daughter at home with me.
she was skipped ahead in school from Kindergarten to the 2nd grade, bright, did well 4th- 5th grades with awards monthly, until she had to transiston at 10yrs old into middle school with 12-13yrs olds.
not only out of her emotional age group she was lost changing classes, not much help from the staff or the kids.
A different world where before she was encouraged and awarded for excelling, she then faced criticism,teasing from the rest of the kids that were not so interested in doing thier work ,but rather distract, with no help from the teachers dispite my 100 (unreplied) phone calls , principal, written communication,attempted district changes trying to get help trough this transition parent/teacher/student?!. in short the school failed her,she lost her drive and didn't care.
trying to deal with age differences socializing, became a problem, she was too young to have or want a boyfriend,kids were partying, drugs ,drinking, she pretty much stayed to herself after school.
but when she did ask to go do things with her friends from school I would ask the usual, where you going? whats the number?,whos going to be there? this from the start became a problem with us, she never seemed to get it that I said no if I don't know! she needed to get this info for me or no I couldn't let her, most the times she mad at me didn't bother with it...would be embarrassed to ask her peers and didn't go.
I stuck to this,concerned she didn't get that she needed to act responsibly so I could feel she do the right thing when she was out, she would rather give it up.. than to give me the satisfaction.. (teens!??).
she stayed away from friends when thay started to make bad choices, realized she messed up.& had to make up her credits if she wanted to go to college to be a teacher or nurse,on her own made up her mind started a five year plan ...went to adult alternative school once a week got her assignments,brought it home do the work, no distractions, no boyfriends, no friends...and made up her 105 credits in less than a year. finished high school at 16 me being disabled vowed to get the money for college somehow? because she has worked so hard.she took her SAT scored 1600.

I'm proud of her!, but, being mom knowing that she being her stubborn self" still in a power struggle with mom... still refuses to take out the trash or clean her room or do any chores always....?! ,regardless the concequences or my reactions ?! me holding out for that "just once" clue to me that her actions show that's she is maturing..., more responsible??.. "to feel all is somewhat safe for her get a drivers licence!?".. OMG?? I know. it could be worse I keep telling myself.
my concern is that she is so sheltered do to circumstances,stubborn knows it all.. in-experienced with life.... expects me now just agree that "since she's booksmart" ready to apply to colleges (with no funds yet due to my social security disability-working on obtaining scholarships and grants !? hopefully.) she's now ready to get an apartment close to the college (she choose because she likes the name..?!) in a town she knows nothing about? with no transpertation?.. has and would never prior to this, take a city bus anywhere & move to this a high crime rate city.. and I mean bad "3rd highest out of 100 !" (but she wouldn't know that) in quest of her independence and freedom just like that!...
how do I handle this?, yes she needs to be more independant to mature and grow I know but??? I question her common sense or her street-knowledge alot.
I don't want her to lose confidence that she feels, or hold her back, honestly,I really don't think she's ready for this yet,she changes the game plan from day to day,still won't accept some ideas are not good choices-always ending loud & how it's my fault most times if it weren't for me parenting I'd rather roll my eyes as I turn away,thinking of "how to put this" than to debate...hee-hee shes my girl!
help! whats the best way to handle this?.thanks



sachetby's picture
sachetby

anyone?

mayamay's picture
mayamay

Is there a community college?
Turn from a roadblock into a conduit. She's 17, she has become quite disciplined. Help her to get enrolled in the community college. The financial aid office there will help you find financing. After she has a track record there, she can transfer to a university, and she'll be a little older.

Maturity isn't totally about years, isn't totally about experience.

If you can become more ally than adversary you will be able to warn her of pitfalls.

sachetby's picture
sachetby

she is wiser, refuses old-school thinking.

ty.
ally... hopeful thinking.. :) , "IF" being the operative word..

it's me. it's her too.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Your daughter will gain life experience by moving on with her life. If she has the finances to do so, then wish her well and let her know your door is always open to her.