wmwluvsjmw's picture
wmwluvsjmw

I need advice Please!!

Me and my husband have had our problems in the past.Splitting up and getting back together.Well were together now and doing wonderful,except my 13 yr old loves me one day then hates me the next.She gets a horrible attitude towards me and writes notes to her dad about how she would rather have his ex girlfriend here instead.It doesn't upset me to read this because i did this as a child myself,except my parents didn't talk to me they would rather drink.I try to talk to her and i get no where.Shes only happy when she gets her way.Some one please give me some advise on other ways to deal with this.I don't know what else to do.  Wendy



tamz's picture
tamz

Well, I have read many posts about teens and it seems quite a few of them are "egotistical" meaning they really only think about their own perspective. Maybe her behavior is normal. You should be very careful to be consistent with her. Even if you know she will react adversly to a decision, make sure you do what you think is best even if she gets upset. I would also take time to have one-on-one with her. Maybe once per week you two can hang out. Be consistent with this as well. Take her to a movie or shopping or lunch on Sunday. You can even ask her about what she liked about the ex-girlfriend. You may feel jealousy, but try not to show it. Just listen and learn from her. This way you are building a stronger bond and it gives you time to really get to know what's going on in her world. Make a concious effort to listen to her stories and woes about her friends and such. One importat part of this is be consistent!!! Stay steady on the important issues where you have to say no and don't blow off the dates with her. Good Luck...

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Mine is now 24 and we still struggle some days! Your daughter is a child and is acting like one. See if you can find a parenting support group in your area. Contact the school or maybe your local department of Child Mental Health. There is help out there and you are not alone. Be strong and stay strict! My daughter has thanked me many times for doing so. Tamz has some good advice also.

thelightinglady's picture
thelightinglady

Rest assured all is normal. 13 year olds are mean, nasty non-people most of the time. They are unpredictable, unteachable, and tell you all sorts of garbage. It's hormonal, especially in girls. Don't take it personally. But this on again marriage, off again with hubby, OBTW, has fueled her. She has resentment which poisons the vessel in which its stored. Be careful! Consider counseling for her and the family.