wmwluvsjmw's picture
wmwluvsjmw

I need advice Please!!

Me and my husband have had our problems in the past.Splitting up and getting back together.Well were together now and doing wonderful,except my 13 yr old loves me one day then hates me the next.She gets a horrible attitude towards me and writes notes to her dad about how she would rather have his ex girlfriend here instead.It doesn't upset me to read this because i did this as a child myself,except my parents didn't talk to me they would rather drink.I try to talk to her and i get no where.Shes only happy when she gets her way.Some one please give me some advise on other ways to deal with this.I don't know what else to do.  Wendy



tamz's picture
tamz

Well, I have read many posts about teens and it seems quite a few of them are "egotistical" meaning they really only think about their own perspective. Maybe her behavior is normal. You should be very careful to be consistent with her. Even if you know she will react adversly to a decision, make sure you do what you think is best even if she gets upset. I would also take time to have one-on-one with her. Maybe once per week you two can hang out. Be consistent with this as well. Take her to a movie or shopping or lunch on Sunday. You can even ask her about what she liked about the ex-girlfriend. You may feel jealousy, but try not to show it. Just listen and learn from her. This way you are building a stronger bond and it gives you time to really get to know what's going on in her world. Make a concious effort to listen to her stories and woes about her friends and such. One importat part of this is be consistent!!! Stay steady on the important issues where you have to say no and don't blow off the dates with her. Good Luck...

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Mine is now 24 and we still struggle some days! Your daughter is a child and is acting like one. See if you can find a parenting support group in your area. Contact the school or maybe your local department of Child Mental Health. There is help out there and you are not alone. Be strong and stay strict! My daughter has thanked me many times for doing so. Tamz has some good advice also.

thelightinglady's picture
thelightinglady

Rest assured all is normal. 13 year olds are mean, nasty non-people most of the time. They are unpredictable, unteachable, and tell you all sorts of garbage. It's hormonal, especially in girls. Don't take it personally. But this on again marriage, off again with hubby, OBTW, has fueled her. She has resentment which poisons the vessel in which its stored. Be careful! Consider counseling for her and the family.

fayrc's picture
fayrc
Hello My name is Ramona I have two kids with my ex husband Xenya 13 y and nick now 12 .xenya born in 2001 and nick in 2003 .In 2005 I divorce . It was a almost 5 years battle custody , but end it me to have guardianship and full custody , dad has weekends This is where night mare starts.Mom is one style and dad radical different, and that was main reason for divorce. Mom,me,believe in routine,schedule safety screening and balance for time. In2010 a remarried and 2 new kids came along.More is below.
fayrc's picture
fayrc
Part 2 of the story In 2010 I remarried and then have 2 more kids, now they are 3 and almost 4 years old . They seems to be good between then but at age of 12 xenya had a radical change . Always have been clear behavior change when transfer was done between my house and dad house but was minor. I home school when Nick was in grade 1 . The have been both in Montessori then public school. Nick in Montessori was a disaster could not keep up, xenya was a star and very spongy bright child. In public school xenya continue to be extreme spongy smart child but nick by grade two was put in medication as he was consider difficult to sit in classroom and fit in.
fayrc's picture
fayrc
part 3 Medecine make my son a robot , and as single mom, I pull both kids out of school and for one year I keep them home , isolate them as I did not know what to do . I had then an ideea to open a day care and keep them in there to , in my research to library , I meet a lady librarian and she was told me that what I need is to homeschool my kids.So Home school started .
fayrc's picture
fayrc
part 4 n homeschool remain with strufggle and consume all my energy and resource and have been a giant cycle of depression and lost time as I did not understand why xenya
fayrc's picture
fayrc
part 5 was advancing 3 grades in homeschooling and for nick nothing works and on top was very insider.Then speeding up , due to the battle I lost faith and I put 2 times nick in school so may be I was to stupid to teach him
fayrc's picture
fayrc
part6 It was alternative years , one year in public then I got scared and encourage that homeschool is better and then again back to square one. From second grade to now become an obssion to find out what and why I am so stupid .
fayrc's picture
fayrc
next part Then in 2014 I give up and at the request of my teen xenya and my husband I put both kids in public school with tears and broken heart . I did not give up, I become a fighter. I was literally every day at the end of the school to track every step of the teacher , my child and what public do to my son , and use all my daily research as data against my Xenya and prove home school is the best and my heart is right. For xenya in public school was heaven , fast adapting and only problem is that she was to smart to polite and they have no programs or thing for gifted child . AND HERE IS THE PROBLEM I need help: