jimrich's picture
jimrich

How to fix your teen

.. start by fixing your self! You, not your kid, are the problem!
I still remember my childhood and all the crap my parents did to make us kids weird, sick, bad, ill-adjusted, etc.
It was always them, not us, but they were perfect and could make no mistakes so we, just like your kids, were blamed and punished FOR THEIR MISTAKES!

Get honest and courageously examine your own behavior, home life, beliefs, attitudes, actions and you will see that YOU are the source and cause of 99.99% of the trouble in and with your kids, teens or not. Blame the other .01% on genetic flaws if you like.

Our parents, not us kids, could have and should have created a happy, loving, respectful, safe home for all of us but they did not! I am sure there were a lot reasons why BUT the bottom line is that they, not us, had the DUTY and right-of-way to make things better or at least BEARABLE!



mayamay's picture
mayamay

an "About" search is no more useful than a google. By the time someone posts here, they've already 'Asked' and googled and wikipedia-ed. Get specific, please, jimrich.

jillian's picture
jillian

The kid has something to do with it. They can chose to listen or defy thier parents.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Thanks for that reply Jillian, that is a REFRESHING perspective. Jim seems to think that kids lack free will, and will only make mistakes because they are taught to do so by the evil parents. Eventhough Jim may have been a kid at one point, he forgets that children can actually think for themselves.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Here Jim, let me save you the trouble.

http://forums.familyeducation.com/discuss/raising-teens/friendly-reminder

mayamay's picture
mayamay

So, Jim is trying to clean up his act. Let's give him a chance to start fresh. Also, SnglDad, in very stressed families, some kids are impulsive, they don't know how to stop and think before they do something. It's a whole different dynamic than a regular family. You have no idea.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Mayamay, when you say I have no idea, what do you base that on? I may have more insight than you could ever imagine. The home I grew up in was anything but "regular". You say that some kids from stressed families are impulsive, why not all? Are there kids from non-stressed families who are also impulsive?

mayamay's picture
mayamay

Yes, and I am sorry I was generalizing. However, I think that Jim was/is impulsive, and cannot conceive that anyone could develop a more reflective style without having reflectivity modeled and taught. I think that you have always been less impulsive, and can't conceive that someone would consistently respond reflexively.
Jim says personalities are developed 99.9% nurture, .1% genetic. I think there are three things to consider, nurture, biological factors, and self-determination, and we need to consider what we are responsible for. As individuals, we are not responsible for how we were nurtured, but we are responsible for self-determination. As parents, we are responsible for nurturing, but not for our children's choices.
As citizens of the planet, we are all responsible for doing what we can to optimize biological factors. Not real comfortable with eugenics, but pre-natal care, adequate nutrition, decreased environment toxins--I can support those three.

jimrich's picture
jimrich

jillian

OK, you are a kid. If you loved, respected and felt loyal to your parents, exactly why would you yourself "defy" them? What would make you hurt the feelings of someone you love and admire by choosing to be mean and defiant? I am asking for your own personal experience and not some abstract concept or conclusion from books, etc. Why did you or did you not choose to be defiant?
I would tell you why I was defiant but I'd rather see your reasons/motivations.
thank you,
jim

jimrich's picture
jimrich

SnglDad
mayamay
Ask Host Marti to add an “ignore member” button to this forum to solve your problems with other members.
good luck,
jim

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Jim, you have all kinds of “advice” to solve everyone else’s problems, have you solved any of your own recently? Just curious. Good luck.