Sorry for the lengthy story....My 14 yr old son has tendancies of violent outbursts and chronic "white lies". This young man is not my biological son. He and his sister came to live with us 2 years ago when their father died. They do have a mother but she has not been a part of their life by her choice.
Back to my boy, he is an A/B average in school, very active in sports (weight lifting,football,disc),very liked by everyone and active in our church.I must add that he is a legend in his own mind. He brags on himself constantly.He normally strives to be the best at everything with everyone including my husband and I. We praise him for all we see that is good but when he is caught in a lie,(quite often) or repremended, he often becomes violent natured. By the way...this is usually only with me when my husband isn't around. He is 5'9" and 220lbs. I am 4'11 and small.He pushed me backwords last yr when I got in his face because he was screaming at me. He pushed me down in front of my 10 yr old last summer too and he has always blamed me for his reasoning and actions of anger. But does seem to apologize later after he has calmed down.
Yesterday,he started yelling and flinging his arms and said he was going to beat up a boy that grabbed his sister(age 16) and I told him he wasn't going to do that. Then he yelled at me asking me what was I going to do about it,I sent him to his room where he proceeded to yell and beat things. This turned into me telling him to calm down and I did tell him he was acting like a fool and he got in my face and told me that I was the fool and started hitting himself in the chest and flinging his arms at me. He has violent body language when he is angry. This made me so angry that I actually had a moment of violent thoughts myself so I walked away and left him in his room to throw his fit. He scares me at times with his yelling and body language. I dont let him know this though. He blamed me for the whole incident when my husband got home and his reasoning for his actions was "I wasn't listening to him."
He was video taped with a cell phone at school hitting a boy and knocking him to the ground so others could hit and kick the boy. He had charges filed against him but nothing ever became of it. Then just recently,he came to me telling me he was being provoked to anger at school and wanted to fight but I told him to take the problem to the principal and he did and the right thing happened, So now...he flips his switch back to the violent side yesterday. I could go on and on but I will stop here and ask for sugestions on what to do. I think part of the problem may be because his mom denied him and his syblings and he has no respect for women. Help?!