kvail86's picture
kvail86

HELP!! Questions on parenting adolescents

Hi everyone. I'm doing an assignment about parenting adolescents for a class. I'm interested in hearing anything anyone has to say about the
following questions. Please feel free to respond to each another as
well. I figured this would also give everyone a chance to reflect on
raising their children.. and who doesn't like talking about their
kids??

1. What are the biggest joys, as well as challenges, in parenting teens?

2. What types of disputes do you experience with your teen?

3. What coping mechanisms do you use to deal with these disputes?

4. What are your feelings about your teen getting into steady romantic
relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you)
established?

5. What are your feelings about your teen and part-time work?

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?

7. What are your feelings about the friends of your teens? Do you have
guidelines or expectancies that you share with your teen regarding
their friends?

8. Do you feel that your teen respects your decisions? Why or why not?

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than your own teen experience?

10. What words of advice would you give to an individual just starting to parent a teen?



junieg's picture
junieg

1. Biggest joys include being now able to have wonderful, meaningful conversations. Finding out where my children were coming from and how their opinions can vary from mine. Challenges include the fact that they now feel grown up enough to challenge what you think is sound advice which you are giving them. I think in teens, they challenges can outweigh the joys at times with some children.
2. About curfew times, doing household chores and homework, money to buy what they see as vital because 'everybody else has one' which ultimitely means one or two of their friends have one.
3. Patience and humour are the most vital ingredients when dealing with teenagers.  Explain, explain and explain again why they can't have, do, go etc.
4. I think I will be happy when my youngest settles down in some sort of relationship, but mainly that's because of his Asperger's and he finds relationships difficult. When my older three children started on their relationships I tried to keep to the sidelines even if I had strong feelings about their choices. If you object too strongly very often it makes children more determined to do the opposite. Sometimes you just have to sit on the sidelines and wait until their good sense kicks in. Guidelines are simply that they use common sense [and condoms if appropriare.]
5.I would be very happy if my teen got himself a part-time job. At the moment he is at college studying car repair, and we are quite happy to support him if he is working hard on his college work. He does get a small bursary so we do not give him pocket money.
6. A relationship with a child is constantly changing as they grow up, as do the challenges they produce. Where once you wanted them to stay in bed just a little longer in the morning, you now find it difficult to get them up before lunchtime.  Their tastes change. My son was always a very picky eater [partly due to Asperger's] and now will attempt to eat even stranger combinations of things he has tried at friends' houses. They veer from wanting to be adult and independant to being your wee child when they want something or are asked to do something they would rather not do.
7. I have to say that my son has only a few friends [Asperger's] but they are very good ones. He seems to be very good at judging people and I have never had any problem with any friends he has taken home. I would expect my son to treat his friends with respect and that they should do the same.
8. Normally. Like in all families there are times when he does have to argue his case. I explain my decisions to hiom clearly and try to be fair. If there are problems you have to ask yourself who 'owns' these problems and work it out.
9. Perhaps it is just age but I feel it is more stressful to be a teenager now than when I was one [late 60's early 70's] I was married by the time I was 18 however and had three children by the time I was 22 so didn't have too much time for teenage angst. Things were different though then. Girls were expected to get married and have children as society demanded. We came from a poor background so university was 'not for our kind of people' I feel that there are more opportunities for them today if they are willing to take up the challenges.
10. Try to remember what you were like at their age and try to be flexible. Patience and humour helps a lot.

I feel like I've just done a day's work but I hope it is of some help to you. It certainly made me think.

kvail86's picture
kvail86

Thank you so much for your response!! I really appreciate you answering
everything so thoroughly. This will really help me a lot, and I'm glad
it gave you a chance to think

unpaidwriter's picture
unpaidwriter

I have a 16yr-old son birthday 4/11, and I have taken him for therapy because we have had issues at home. such as: he doesn't seem interested in school, barely does any school work, answers back, wants to spend all his spare time on computer or playing video games. my views are as follows:

all things in moderation.
set limits.
have your teen bring their friends to hang out in your own home so you know what your teen is doing and you also get to know his friends.
talk, talk and talk some more. easier said than one.
pick your battles carefully.
lead by example.
teen crushes can be helpful. my son didn't care to brush his hair or teeth or shower until he got his first crush.
do things your teen likes if at all possible to keep the "friendship".

i realize that I'm no expert. that's why I am taking my son for therapy because I am always welcome to suggestions and there's always room for improvement.

lastly, remember how you were. you were a teent too!

bittersweet's picture
bittersweet

1. Joys - when we share things in common, communicate more like 2 adults, having her "get" things that younger kids don't. Having someone who can help me out with babysitting.
Challenges - getting her to be self motivated, accepting responsibility, respect, chores, etc.

2. Disrespect, inappropriate behavior/words, whining, laziness, lack of motivation. Oh ya almost forgot the evil brooding attitude - always angry about something.

3. Not very good at that ... Try to compromise usually just get angry and yell/punish right now. Here to find better solutions that work for both of us.

4. I don't like it... She's 13 and I have told her she can't date until she's 16. I know that's unreasonable, she will be in high school next year. I will probably review that then. Possibly group dates next year and then single dates in 10th grade...

5. I wish she could get a job now!!! I have told her that she has to have A's and B's to work and/or drive. I think that kids are capable of working at much younger ages than they are allowed and it leads to a lot of sitting around at home all summer with nothing to do when they aren't allowed to work. I am hoping I can find a place for her to volunteer this year. Last year they said she was "too young". Apparently not too young to sit home alone all day tho doing who knows what???

6. I have been pushed beyond my tolerable limit so many times I can't count in regards to being treated disrespectfully.

7. She picks outcasts and has decided to become an "emo" because we can't afford to be preps... LOL She resents people who have more than her (which is just about everyone according to her).

8. No, she is rude and disrespectful ALL THE TIME and ANGRY ALL THE TIME. She constantly pushes EVERYONE'S buttons. Lately she has taken to I wish I had a dad... to hurt me. Even tho she hated her step dad (alcoholic) and her real dad left when she was 5 and died when she was 7 (alcoholism).

9. Hard to say, probably more stressful.

10. Run! Now!