HELP!! Issue with 15 year old daughter
Moms of Teen Girls and Boys, I need your advice!!
Yesterday, while my whole family was at my mother's house for a little get-together, my oldest daughter left her cell phone unattended in an upstairs bedroom. She is 15 and going into tenth grade this fall. My husband found her phone and started looking at the texts in it while she was downstairs with me. He then calls me upstairs because in the texts, he found some disturbing conversations back and forth to one of her good friends and also to her boyfriend. I was shocked that he was going through her phone but when he told me what he found, the "mom" side of me kicked in and the privacy issue took second fiddle.
Fist off....our daughter is 15 and she is a really good teenager by all standards. She is a straight-A student, in all advanced classes, and is ranked #7 in her high school right now for grades. She is a soccer player, has been VP of Student Council, and is connected to a good group of friends. No drugs or alcohol issues within her group or with her. One of our biggest issue with her is that she is drop-dead gorgeous and the boys are constantly swooning over her wherever she goes. She can't help that, but she is quite the popular girl but has not had a single interest in boys until this past January. She now has her first "boyfriend". This boyfriend is someone she has known for three years as a friend. He is also 15 and again...no drugs, drinking, smoking, etc. from him either. He is polite, smart, and treats her very nicely from what we can observe. My daughter keeps her room neat and clean, is a fairly good-natured person, can be moody, sassy, and difficult with attitude at times but nothing that would be out of the ordinary for a teen girl. She also has a 13 year old sister. Her and the boyfriend are NOT ALLOWED to be together unsupervised. A parent has to be home when they are together or they group date. They don't like this rule but we enforce it anyway. Just giving you guys some history and background here.
Now...back to the texts on the phone. Seems as though the relationship with the boyfriend is heating up and so is the peer pressure to "experiment" and talk about things in the sex and boyfriend department with her group of friends. We found texts that they were playing Strip Poker and that some heavy duty making out was going on recently. There was also a text in there that my daughter removed her shirt and bra. I nearly had a stroke and my husband is beyond a coronary at this point. There was no mention of sex on the texts but the actions that have transpired right now are all leading up to that event. I'm not a dummy and neither is my husband. The one friend my daughter was texting about this has also taken a turn this summer into being a little "naughty" with the boys. My daughter tells me a lot of things and has discussed her friend's choices with me. I am appalled to see texts that now suggest my own child is testing the waters with the boyfriend she has now. I know she is 15 and has to experience things and grow up but I am just struggling with this sudden discovery. Anyone have advice?
My gut instinct is to immediately put her on birth control. She will have a heart attack and tell me she doesn't need or want it but I am really heading in that direction now. I can talk to my daughter and she and I have had many discussions about sex. Lately, she has clammed up and is also more secretive and sneaky. The boyfriend adds to that and so do her friends. The friends tell her not to tell me things anymore. I don't think I can ever tell her that her Dad sabotaged her cell phone and looked through her text messages. I was upset about him violating her privacy at first but now, I'm gad he did. What would you do if you were me? Birth control or no? I have to talk to her about this but very delicately. I don't want her to shut me out or go into full-blown "secretive mode". Should I tell her I know that she and the boyfriend are kicking things up a notch? She will deny it but it was right there on her phone! They are never together unsupervised to my knowledge but apparently this happened when she was at his house and his mother ran to the store for 40 minutes. Geeeez! We are also friends with the boyfriends mom. Should we tell her about what we know concerning her son? My daughter is putting the moves on her only child and he is happy as a clam! Both these kids are virgins and they are in love. Teenage 15 year old love....first love. OMG, I remember all that drama. I need to make a move here with this very soon. Any help or advice that parents of teens can give me would be great. I want to handle this right so it makes a lasting impression. Something has to be done but I'm up in the air as to how I should address the issues. HELP!!!