help! 14 yr old daughter problems
I am so lost with my 14 year old daughter. In the past she was caught stealing money. As a consequence she had her pocket money drastically reduced.
On new years eve we agreed where she was going and who she was going with etc, including discussions wth the parents of the friend she was going to be staying with. Instead she went off to a party with and 18 year old and refused to answer txt messages or calls. No one knew where she was. She eventually made contact at about 2.30 in the morning. As a consequence she was given a 7pm curfew - indefinate until we felt that her behaviour had changed and she could be trusted again.
In the past few weeks she has been allowed to stay out later at a couple of events with a strict curfew and being fully aware of any restrictions.
However, we said no to a party the other weekend as it was not appropriate at all for her age. She moaned and whined but we stood our ground making it clear the reasons why. She had a friend over to stay instead. I have recently learned that her and her friend snuck out that night at 2.30 in the morning. As they weren't allowed in to the party for some reason they decided to "hang" around town, coming home at 5.30 in the morning.
I have also learnt that this wasn't the first time she has snuck out.
Then there's the smoking! She has been coming home smelling of cigarrettes lately. Obviously we were suspicious but she insited that it was from her boyfiend and made up many an elaborate story about how she has tried to persuade him to give up or not smoke around her or so on.
I found some loose cigarettes in her bag but again she made up a story about them. Of course I now know tht she has been smoking and continues to do so.
Basically she has been lying and stealing and it doesnt matter what punishments we use she doesn't care. She either steals the money or her rich friends hand it out to her! We've stopped access to the internet, taken away other privalidges such as her mobile phone etc. Nothing has had any effect.
We have raised our children with good morals, we are a good honest and close family. We try to keep the lines of communication open and support our children, so why is she doing all this?
It is breaking my heart. But worse still we just don't know what consequences and punishments to use anymore as nothing works. We have tried many reward systems over the years too beginning when she was younger, but even then nothing ever made any difference to her behaviour.