Mom3x's picture
Mom3x

Heartbreak Hotel? Step Daughters & Ex Vs. Me

I'm hearbroken.  I have been married to a wonderful man for just over a year.  I have 3 children of my own 8,12, and 16.  He has 2 daughters 14 and 16.  I have bent over backwards for his children to help them feel like they are a part of our new big family and I seem to be the bad one out of this situation?  We used to have them every Wed./Thurs nights and every other weekend from Wed- Sunday.  I would be responsible for taking all the kids to and from school every day even when we did not have the girls because their mother worked so she would drop them off in the morning early and pick them up after work.  Well....I volunteer now on mon/tuesdays and my husband has a new job that is no longer flexible so he told his ex that we could no longer take the girls to school on the days that I have to work nor could we pick them up and then all HELL broke loose!  Now she has gone back to their original visitation schedule which means we will get them every other weekend from thurs-sun.  And that is it.  Then she tells my husband that the girls are not comfortable with me and that I'm abusive and that I'm ruining my husbands life???  My husband seems to think his ex wife has borderline personality disorder but, I have no idea alls i know is that she is soooooo mean and vindictive.  Oh, I should mention she left my husband 5 years ago for her very wealthy boss and lives in a huge home on the river and travels quite a bit so it is not an issue of jealousy because she finally has what she wants MONEY!  I'm hurt and I just need some encouragement to know where to go from here.  If you have experienced any of this pain or have sound advice please let me know!   Mom3x +2:-)

 

 



tamz's picture
tamz

Let your husband's ex live in her own drama. Even if it is not your ideal visitation, just cooperate and when the kids are at your home, make things comfortable, structured and NEVER EVER discuss the problems you have with the kids. If you really can not live with the appointed schedule, then go back to court. For now, maintain peace and harmony in your home. You husband should politely decline to argue with his ex wife (she is manipulating him with the drama)... He should also talk with his daughters alone (take them for an ice cream) and ask them how they feel about going back to the old visitation schedule. He should find a way to gently ask the girls how things are going in his home without ever mentioning their mother. This is about his home his wife his daughters, leave the ex out of it... You are only in control of your own actions and your own home. If a conversation gets escalated, politely say it seems to be escalating and dismiss yourself from the drama. Maintain a peacful and reasonable frame of mind and DO NOT let the ex get manipulate you with her drama. Your husband must do the same.

Mom3x's picture
Mom3x

Thanks for the great advice! You are soooo right she is totally manipulating him with her drama. The saddest thing is he loves his daughters and is a great Father so it is sad that she uses his girls to manipulate, then points the finger at me as the bad one. But, you are right it is her issue and we will just continue to do the right thing as we can only control our own behaviors. Thanks,

Pamela