Old Young One's picture
Old Young One

Has my life been wasted?

 I am a waste of youthful potential. While I have the ability to be something great, I have chosen to throw it all away. Rather than become the man I could be I have chosen to hide in useless means of escape. Was I truly afraid of shouldering my responsibility as a human and as a member of society or could it be that I caved under the weight of my own expectations.?

Ever since I was little I expected myself to perform better, I tried with all my might but no matter what it was I was never “the best”. I could be good, maybe ever great, at what I did, and I did a bit of everything, but there was no niche that was mine. No matter what I tried, how hard I worked, there was always someone better. I realize now that is part of life, a constantly evolving sequence of events and characters, and that I should have never surrendered at any turn. It could have been that I never found something truly worthwhile, yet there was always a feeling of power in working toward a goal. This power was awesome in the truest meaning of the word, uplifting, charging, and serene, yet terrifying. Here was the power of change, the chance to make a difference, a power I have yet to taste yet yearn for.

I am a coward for the way I have lived my life. For the beginning of my life I treated others with great respect and charisma, although lately I couldn’t care less for others. Why should I? After all I have been through; the teasing, the bullying, the horror of going to school day after day. Even still I went to school every day, month after month, year after year…with a smile. I question this act now. Am I sadistic? I highly doubt it at my level of ignorance. Anyways, with that smile on my face I lied to my parents, yes I had friends, no there weren’t any problems, I love you too. Why did I do this… because that pain was mine, not for anyone else to share or ease my burden. What could they have done except for share in my misery? Don’t let your loved ones suffer as so, it is a horrible fate to be alone like that. I am a coward for not standing up for myself, for not believing that I was worth protecting. I am also a coward at not working harder to make myself into a person I could respect, if you cannot face yourself in the mirror you have not tried hard enough.

I have digressed from my main objective. I am not complaining about my life, this is how I have chosen to live it. I have many regrets, that is why I am writing, I don’t want anyone following this same pattern. Find that something that is important to you and go for it, be the best, become it, or die trying. It is there that you find that power and inspiration. For those who are reading this and are young enough to change and mature enough to be inspired, I charge you with this knowledge and challenge you to become better. For those who are too old or unwilling to change, I charge you with this knowledge and demand you to inspire another. Please, become something, become useful, fulfill your dreams, and do not waste a second of your life, it is far too precious a thing.



acitez's picture
acitez

The best is the enemy of the good. If people only became what they are THE BEST at, Yo Yo Ma would be the only cellist in the world. Basketball would be no fun to watch because Michael Jordan shooting hoops on a deserted court is boring, even for Michael Jordan. People would be dying like flies because there would only be one plumber and sewage would be running down the streets.

Take on challenges. When you find out you are lousy at something, find one part of it that you can improve on. When you find something you enjoy, find lots of ways to improve. If you know someone who is better at it than you are, then there is someone you can LEARN from! How exciting is that!

Old Young One. Even if you are eighty, you can still take this challenge. It's like a martial art. Doing Kata is interesting, but you really learn when you spar. Of the things that you turned away from, pick any one. The thing that made you turn away, learn to do that one thing better. You will feel like a victor because you will have overcome your great enemy, the perfect self.

An additional thought, which came as I responded to the "disturbing drug" thread.
If you have never failed at anything it isn't because you are talented, it is because you are a chicken. We learn to walk by falling down. It hurts.

ravenous28's picture
ravenous28

What was said is true. I've read over this again before I felt the urge to reply. Who you are when you are young is not what you can expect to be as the years go by getting old. I've been through this same feeling, and yes it's not easy to look in the mirror anymore. This world seems to mostly be all opinions. One tells you to do this, the other tells you to do that. I seem pulled from all directions, acting like opinions really meant much. They don't. But I sometimes find myself back where I was before seeking advice. Why? I know the same as everyone else that goes through it. Only you can turn away from it. Not so much to quit, but to change. How much difference does it make? Seriously. And if you don't? Well then, what did you expect. We are all seeking. I want to know the answers about meaning, truth, life, love, death and everything in between. Funny thing is the answers have always been there. Faith. I encourage anyone out there who's been put the test of this world to read Ecclesiastes and ask yourself why he felt this way.
Nothing is useless. When you go out at night, do you not need light to see? In the dark you will get lost without it. Thank God at least we have Hope everyday we wake up, then ask yourself how and why is it possible that we have this? Where did this light we need come from? Seriously, think about that.
I know it's hard. Why should it not be? Trust me, you'd be surprised how much you are not alone on this feeling.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

You seem very hard on yourself. Maybe things didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted them to, and maybe you're not happy about how you handled these things, but you can't keep blaming yourself. Look to the future, and make the best out of what you have. You don't have to be perfect, just be content. I believe everyone is put on this earth for a reason. You wld make a great motivational speaker or teacher. From your past experiences, you have learned the importance of rising above and not giving up. Don't beat yourself up. Instead try taking your own advice, not for others' sake, but for your own.
Someone once gave me a saying that has always stuck w/ me:
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great."

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I responded to this already, but aparently my comment didn't post. Here's take 2:

It seems that you're very hard on yourself. Stop beating yourself up, and make the best of your life now. Don't expect to be perfect at everything you do. Be content. I believe everyone is put on this earth for a reason. You wld make a wonderful motivational speaker or teacher. You obviously have learned from your past experiences to rise above and not to give up. Take your own advice, and live your life to the fullest.
Someone once gave me a saying which stuck w/ me:

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great."

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Trying to post a response, but can't get it to post. Please let me know if you receive this. Thx.

acitez's picture
acitez

concerned--you're in. Sometimes, especially if you include a link, "they" review your post.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Thx, acitez. Just tried again, and this time I got a message saying my post has been flagged as potential spam, and it needs to be reviewed before it can be displayed. I tried posting about 3x on this, so if my comments are repeated, I apologize. I assure you I'm not losing it. Ha!