Phyl's picture
Phyl

Daughter has no friends

My 13 year old daughter doesn’t have any friends at school.  We recently moved to a new state, and although she is a warm, smart and sensitive person, she hasn’t made any new friends.  She had throngs of friends at her old school, and is now completely miserable.  I’m not sure how to help her.



Christy's picture
Christy

Hi,

My daughter will be 13 in September. That is a really difficult age, both for them and for us.

When we moved to where we now live, we invited all of her classmates to her birthday party. We live in a rural area, with a very small school, so there were probably about 20 kids or so.

We had her party outside, and just about everyone showed up. She has had friends ever since.

I don't know if that is feasable for you to do, and it doesn't have to be a birthday party.

Maybe a summer vacation party or something.Since it can be an outside party, there won't be that much to do, really. Make some koolaid and have some cake and ice cream.

As far as games are concerned, I really never had to come up with any myself. The kids did that all on their own.I just provided items for them to play with, such as balls,frisbees, etc.

Hope this helps,

Christy

Aussies's picture
Aussies

Moving to a new state can be a much more difficult adjustment for teenagers.  For starters the fashion can change from state to state, and what was in and cool back in your old state may not be in and cool where you are living now.  I would talk to your daughter about the fashion in school and how it compares to her old school.  Students are superficial and if you have the cool handbag or the cool outfit then the other kids want to chat with you, but if your wearing yesterdays fashion then they will leave you out.  You might need to take her shopping and have her pick out outfits that are cool in her new school. 

Another good idea is for you to befriend other parents.  If your friends with the parents your daughter will get friendly with their children too.  You could also offer to drive other kids in the neighborhood to school and that will enable her to make new friends.  Another idea is to get her involved in activities.  This will also boost self confidence and it sounds like she could use that right now.  Pick a sport or activity (school newspapaer, debate team, music) she is good at and encourage her to get involved in the school team.

Making real friends take time, and reassure your daughter that she will soon find a real best friend.

 

camlady's picture
camlady

Hi there,

Just stick with her decisions.  She will eventially make friends.  My daughter is 12 and she has been bullied for a year and all her friends from the past don't like her, as the ring leader has told them not to, and she has been miserable and not wanting to go to school.  I spoke to the principal and teachers, and just remember, it is harder on us moms,,,,,

Karen's picture
Karen

I have a 13 year old myself. Maybe it is a good thing that she has not made friends yet. If she rushes into friendships she may end up with the wrong friends. Being a new environment there are sure to be people and places to get her in trouble. I would let her make her friends when she is sure of the right friends to choose.

camlady's picture
camlady

Hey Marti,

Yes, it is soo hard on the parents, specially the mom, but i finally went to the principal and he pulled in every girl in my daughters class and found out that my daughter was being bullied, and touch wood; she has not been bullied, and it's going into the third week. So my prayers have been answered, i know its touch, but my daughter was so strong...i know its hard when they make friends, people are right, sometimes you don't want to know their friends..

 

motherof2's picture
motherof2

Glad to hear things are getting better. However, it's critical that you know who your daughter's friends are... this enables you to have control and understand how she thinks etc.  By knowing who she hangs out with may save her life one day - is she hanging out with smokers - bad choices are being made; is she hanging out with friends who aren't doing well in school - well that rubs off too and more bad choices are being made - Always know your child's friends.....

ages13-18-20's picture
ages13-18-20

My son has been at his new school for 2 years and also has a hard time making friends. He has joined scouts but has not clicked w/ any of the boys over the past year although he loves scouting activities. He does get along well w/ an older boy who just got his Eagle but the age difference hinders a real freindship.We only moved one town away but his old friends have ditched him. The one kid he has talked to on and off from his grade seems like a good boy but nothing much in common.He has seen what hanging w/ the wrong kids did to his sister who is now 18 and graduated so he stays away from trouble. Any ideas? He sits around the house bored a lot unless I do things w/ him. I'm also a single working parent.

 

kdsmom's picture
kdsmom

I'm happy to have found this message board. I have a 12yr old daughter who has never really had many friends. Sometimes I think it bothers me more than her. The reality is she virutally has no friends. She had one "best friend" who for reasons I don't understand appears to have lost interest in the friendship. My daughter is smart, funny, attractive. I have always noticed she is more comfortable with adults than with peers and she seems to become more quiet and to not be quite sure what to do or say. However, she doesn't seem unhappy or bored and denies being lonely to me. I know some people are just more loner types and I've wondered if I should just accept this or be really concerned. It breaks my heart quite frankly. Her younger brother is on the autistic spectrum, sometimes I've wondered if my daughter has some kind of "splinter" characteristics. She does quite well in school, plays an instrument, loves to sing and perform and read. She's not the most socially sophisticated person but at the same time I don't see her as being significantly odd in the way she interacts with people.

crisscross's picture
crisscross

I am hoping people still use this message board.  My daughter is 15. She used to have a social crowd, but had a falling out with the girls and now no one seems to want to be her friend.  She says she doesn't mind stay home and avoids school events.  I know she would like to be going out with friends, but seems to have given up on having anyone like her.  What can we do for her?

siroislaura's picture
siroislaura

we are raising a 12 year old grandson. has always had the problem with friends. he attends private schools cause he has learning disabilities,adhd until we realized the more activities he`s involved in the more friends he has .kids have bad days too.he bowls ,he attends church,and serves mass,and school, and he also has his regular friends at home. they can`t all have a beef with him.not just one set of friends it works.