zstephan44's picture
zstephan44

Dating too young

This is in response to Connie Colloins' advice in Too Young to Date?  I feel that Ms. Collins is correct in telling the parent that she is not overstepping her bounds in telling her daughter she is too young to date.  However, I feel that being too aggressive in this matter, like giving the daughter a magical age that she can start dating will only be detrimental to the mother's cause.  By setting up such a superficial mandate on the child, unnecessary is being placed on the family and the daughter.  The magical age is only setting up forbidden fruit to create temptation for the child.  This mother should be able to tell her daughter she is too young to date, but setting up an age is just a bad idea.  



Spaghetti75's picture
Spaghetti75

I was raised with high standards on such things as dating, and I don't think it was at all detrimental or creating temptation, or anything like that.  I think it was very responsible of my parents to stick to that.  I couldn't date until I was 16, which makes sense, anyway, because I couldn't drive until then, so what is the point of going on a date when your parents have to drop you off anyway? 

This is also the age that is set for my own children.  This is our standard.  It is a boundary.  Teens need boundaries or they will float along and take whatever comes with the wind. This is why so many teens are so confused and have a difficult time making good decisions.  I don't think it is a good idea to just take things as they come with something as serious as dating.  There have to be boundaries and limits.  Teens have to make decisions about these things before certain situations come up, or they will be more likely to give in to peer pressure.  If they already know what to do, and when to do it, they have a direction and they will be more confident and responsible as a result. 

Spaghetti75

stephy's picture
stephy

If they want to date, hormones or attitude will dictate when, not parents unfortunately. They will find a way round it if they really think that other person is special. We can only urge caution.

mom2nine's picture
mom2nine

In our family, we too set the age limit for "dating" at 16. But at the same time we also made sure they knew that there could be variables. We have a 16 year old right now who is not ready for the dating world. Nor is he ready to get his learners driving permit. He understands and accepts the reasons why - that doesn't mean he likes it! Our boys were not allowed to call girls until they were 15 and were not allowed to receive calls from girls until they were 17. (Same went for our daughter in reverse) At 16, if they had been dating for a certain amount amount of time their girlfriend was then allowed to call. At 16 they could double date or group date. At 17 they got to single date with strict curfews. At 18 they were considered an adult and responsible for their own choices. I have 4 children over the age of 18 at this time and they are doing great. We told them of the dating rules since they were young and it gave them something to really look forward to. We tried to make it special. They were allowed to have a "boyfriend" or a "girlfriend" before they were 15 - they just didn't get to go anywhere with them unless we went with them or the other parents were in attendance. It's not been a major issue in our house. Knock on wood. Ask me again in 14 years when the youngest turns 16! 

alexisc's picture
alexisc

My fourteen-year-old daughter has gone on one group date with a 15-year old boy. She confessed that she kissed him twice too. This frightened me at first but I tried to not show it. I told her to slow down with this boy(whom I know and actually like). We have discussed deep kissing oral sex and intercourse. She knows I forbid any of that behavior. Do I have any reason for real concern?

worriedwannabecoolmomma's picture
worriedwannabec...
hi. my16 year old daughter is a good girl, she is shy but I see her trying to be one of the normal girls,, that includes having a boyfriend..geez I hate that word associated with my baby lol. well she just turned 16 and feels I need to accept she has a boyfriend bec every since she was 14 she now and then says she has a boyfriend and I always say oh please no u don't..then walk away haha..she hardly go anywhere without me so I never worried but she is constantly on the phone... well now shes 16 and told me it not fair I keep saying she don't have a boyfriend,,,, she DO have one and his is james!!! I have meet him before,, he went to her middle school dance with her and he was just at her sweet 16.. he does seem like a sweet young man so I guess I have to get with the show but what I want is some advce... what I should allow and what I should avoid allowing.... help please...I wanna be the cool mom but not the stupid blind mom!!