dpcowboy's picture
dpcowboy

CAr Priveleges, round 3

My stepdaughter has the use of a car I bought her, promised by her mother, this summer. She started using it last fall, after earning its use by achieving good grades in high school. She signed an agreement for the behavior expected both personally and with the car. She has been given two chances to succeed in the use of the car, and has now failed the second one. She begins college in a month...and was to have the car on a last chance because she was working this summer and needed transportation. She now has admitted to using the car to travel fairly long distances when supposedly at her father's home, does not keep the car clean, and...she just quit her job, ostensibly because the job was just not working out,  (I believe she will not get another job before college starts, but will fight to retain use of the car (on the premise that she needs it to 'look' for a job)). She has not provided the necessary upkeep for the car per her agreement, and I feel like I should be firm in holding her to that agreement. My wife is less than firm regarding these rules, but will probably go along with me if I insist.  Should I take the car from her until she gets a new job? Should I identify the areas where she has not lived up to her agreement with the car? Or, should I wait until she goes off to college, and then sell the car?



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Definitely identify the areas where she did not live up to her agreement w/ the car. Then take the car away. Only sell the car if you no longer need it. Otherwise, store it for your stepdaughter for when she comes home on wkends, holidays.... I think you're doing the right thing sticking to your guns. You made an agreement w/ your stepdaughter, and she broke it. If you give in to her, she will always feel she can get away w/ things. That's not teaching responsibility. It's important that you and your wife are on the same pg as well. I know from experience w/ our boys. If one of us gives in, our boys take advantage of the situation and try to get away w/ whatever they can. Be strong, and stand your ground.

bleclair's picture
bleclair

I don't see any reason as to why you need any adivce. You know the answer to your question. You need to take the car away and make a deal she has to get a job keep the job for a certain period of time(before getting the car back and afterwards). Clean the car at least once a week and if this fails to be done the first time right then I would put a for sale sign on it sit out in the front yard and make her learn from her mistakes about running from responsibility. So many teenagers now days don't realize how great they have it. they get handed everything but still fail to live up to anything. dang i wished i could move back home and my parents do that now. i would love to be given everything and only have to work part time ... that would be SWEET. Be firm with her.. no harm in that.. she will one day appreciate it... trust me i do.. my dad did it to me and i don't think i would be the person i am now if he didn't