lovinglife954's picture

Boys we dont approve of!

My daughter in the past was talking to this boy in NC and they were talking on the internet.I had came across her email. And I checked it and I saw one of there conversations. She told me and my husband that they were just seeing if they liked it. But they dont. So as months passed they were seperated. But some how met again and then kept in contact behind my back. So now my husband and I found his number on the bill and we had taken her phone away. I was really scared because he is a sexual preditor. But my daughter recently just planned a trip to see him in July when she turns 18. I didnt tell her that I found out. But she told me in the past that he is a really nice guy and he isnt a sexual preditor. Reason she says this is because she has seen his parents on cam while she talked to them on cam. And she knows the boy is real because of doing the same thing she did with parents. I found out by reading her journal. I know that he could be a nice person but with all the rapers that are out there I cant trust it. So what should I do. I mean she writes in her journal that they laugh alot on the phone at night and they joke at eachother. But she says that they both agreed to no sex. Should I trust the boy and when she does go up to NC should I talk to the boy and give him a chance instead of judging him wrong? CAN ANY ONE HELP?

Andrew's picture

Just a quick idea. You could invite him to your city to have dinner with you your daughter and hubby, Eat out so he doesn't find out where you live until you and your husband get a feel for what kind of a person he is. That way you get to meet him in a safe environment for your daughter, you know what he looks like. Bring a camera to take a few "casual" picks of the occasion. Don't think sexual predators like their pic taken. But be weary about inviting this person to your home. Get to know him ask questions but without embarrassing him or your daughter. Take in the info and check it out. Like school he went to etc, parents. How old he is. Maybe contact his parents and explain your concern. These are just a few ideas. you might be able to pick something out of them to help you. Best of luck, let me know how you get on.

GirlsMom's picture

I am going to agree with Andrew on this one. You should really see if you could have this particular boy come down to your town first before your daughter tries to visit him. This is a touchy subject because your daughter is older....18 is a legal adult even though most of them are not really up to "adult speed" at this age. I'll give you this food for thought....is your daughter going away to college? She will be away from you and exposed to just about everybody and everything. You might know some of what she is doing but not all of it. By 18, parents have got to be pretty solid with how they have raised their children. If you have taught her well, she is educated, she has some street-smarts, she knows how to be safe and healthy, then you are going to have to let your parenting job go to work and feel the burn. We spend all of our lives teaching our children life skills for when they leave us and move on to become young adults. That doesn't mean we don't protect our older teens but we do need to let our parenting rest on our young adults choices more. I like the response that Andrew gave you. It makes sense. Just know that soon she will be 19 and then 20. Interviewing every boy she goes for will not be the norm and you will need to get used to that. We love them, but we cannot always be with them to make every decision FOR THEM. It's hard but you are obviously parents who care.

Sister83's picture

I'm confused by your post.

How old is this boy? Why do you think he is a sexual predator? Just b/c they met on the internet?

You do have to watch kids with the internet b/c there definitely are sexual predators out there, but there are also regular teens and young adults on the internet that are not sexual predators. Also, when your daughter is 18, this guy can't be a "sexual predator" even if he's 50 because your daughter will be an adult.

Still, try to convince your daughter to meet this boy in a public place first. Maybe you could all go out to dinner at a restaurant or something.