neverends's picture
neverends

are all teens lazy??

Hello, I am new here.

The teens we have wil not do anything until they are told over and over! My BS is 14 and my SD is 16. we made them lists of chores to do daily, that didnt work! it seems like all we do is say, pick that up, put that away etc. etc. My wife and I are @ the end of our ropes. we just get tired of having to remind them daily of every single little thing. My SD is worse, because she will whine like a 3 year old over the littliest things! They both get home from school before my wife and I get home from work. The first thing they do is, one of them to the TV and the other to the computer or phone. they would set there all night if we would let them! I dont remember myself being like this or my brothers when we where teens. why wont they take pride in maybe surprising us by doing laundry, dishes or anything before we get home from work? we want them to learn responsibility, but it seems impossible?
thanks for reading, and for any advice!



motherof4's picture
motherof4

Hi, I to have a daughter that is 16 but has a child of her own she is a very good mother however she is so lazy its falling off her..she washes their clothes and thats about it..I have another daughter that will be 13 tommorow and up until about a year ago she always kept her room spotless and she is the caring on when she see's me cleaning she will ask if I need help but I have to keep on her about her room now..some of it is my fault b/c when they were littler I never made them so now I'm paying the price,the only thing that I found that works is take the computer I have done that for about 8 months once and the phones then they maybe they will appreciate how good they have it...good luck

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

At 16 and 14 they should be able to do most any chore around the house without any issues. My kids were very much the same way until I started a new system around here. First of all, school comes before anything. When they get home they may have a snack, and then it is time for homework. After homework is done, it is time for their chores. After chores they are to do their daily reading, and then they may go outside and play, or find something quite to do. Each day they have to earn the TV and computer. If chores are not done, there will be no TV or computer time. On school nights the TV does not come on before 7pm. I started this as a way to get them to slow down on their homework. The TV was almost a reward for doing sloppy or inadequate work.
I always used to get the “I forgot” from my kids as well. I wrote up a detailed schedule and chore list for them to use as a guide. I do not remind them to do any of their chores until 7pm. If I have to remind them, they know there will be no TV or computer for the night. This gives them the incentive to come home and do what is expected of them. It has been working very well so far.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Excellent system. Used a similar one for my children and this is even better. Clear expectations and requires the child to be responsible for their choices. The ideal way to end parental frustration over chores.

acitez's picture
acitez

Once they have become accustomed to working alongside you, you can expect them to work on their own. However, when you first start following through on expecting obedience they will learn more quickly if you provide supervision.

The first week I'd politely tell them to come do the dishes with me (or laundry or clean bathrooms or whatever). The second week I'd politely tell them to go do the dishes or whatever, and I'd work nearby. The third week I'd politely tell them to go do whatever, and work somewhere in the house. 10 to 30 minutes on a school night. Up to two hours on any day without school.

With the blended family it's probably best if the bio-parent gives the assignment, but the child can be assigned to work with either parent.

Telling the kids what they have to do when you aren't there to supervise just reinforces the notion that they don't have to listen to you. Get the obedience going while you are there. Then you can work on leaving them with assignments.

Also, make privileges dependent on obedience. They want to play a videogame or call a friend, you ask if they did the chore you most recently assigned. The answer to their question (privilege) is dependent on the answer to your question (obedience). If they obeyed, they get the privilege. If they failed, they don't get the privilege. At first you need to keep it to the most recent assignment or else they'll believe that they can never do well enough to get privileges.

GirlsMom's picture
GirlsMom

I agree with the post from Sgldad who put a plan into action and set up a system of how things get done in his house. I have the same rules. I actually drew up a contract of how the rules will be and had both of my teenagers read it and sign it. Once they signed the rules.....there's no going back. If they try to skip steps, I refer them back to the "rule sheet" and tell them to go read the contract again and find out what they are missing. After a few times of doing this, much to their own disgust, they now know I am not playing around and stuff will be done around the house and for our family in a certain pecking order. The system I use is simple.....Family is first, school is second, all else comes after these two things. I also tell them that when everything else for family and school is completed, then, and only then, will I be available to do things that they want me to do. And I STICK TO IT!!! Consistency is the key. Once you break the rules as a parent, you allow little crack to form in the foundation amd teens will find there way into those cracks and start making huge holes! It is their nature to do this. Teens are self-centered, immature to a degree, and still pushing buttons and testing patience to find their place in this world. You have to eliminate the guess-work as to what is expected from them and how you will respond to their efforts. Also, any contract rules that are broken or ignored in our house comes with a consequence. For example....one of my rules is: "Curfews are not meant to be broken. If you are out with friends who are driving, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to keep yourself and your friends on time in getting you back home before curfew. If you're late, you'll be facing consequences." Takes the guess-work out of that, doesn't it? I also require all schoolwork and house chores to be 100% completed before any one of my teens sets foot out that door. I don't care what the case is. If they whine, then my response is that they are too immature to be out with teen friends and they can stay home. Babies whine and lazy-butts make excuses. Babies and lazy-butts stay home with parents and be thoroughly bored to death! Sounds tough but you'd be shocked at how quickly a teen jumps at the chance to have freedoms such as going out to parties, dates, using the car, etc. when given the chance to do so. Make them EARN this privileges and reward them with these freedoms when and only when they have respected YOUR RULES. Trust me....it is truly that simple!

neverends's picture
neverends

thanks for the great ideas and comments. Now If I can just get my DW on board to follow thru, we should be all set :)

Mom2Teens's picture
Mom2Teens

Let the DW know that there are no exceptions when it comes to parenting and that you need to stand as a united front. Remember what I said about the "crack" in the foundation of the rules. One little crack will lead to a teenage wandering river right through the dam! Trust me....hell hath no fury than the teenage mind and its powers to find a way to dismantle structure and rules. LOL. We were all there once so just take a trip down memory lane with yourself every now and then to appreciate it all. You will be fine. Just put it all into motion and get the boat rowing in one direction.....and don't forget that YOU are THE CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP!