fallingfeather's picture

Alot of Problems with Our 18yo Son

Our son is 18, will be 19 in March and we are having so many problems with him. He quit school and we told him he had to get a GED to remain living here so he did. He had a job for about 5 mos a year ago and quit because work circumstances were not the best but he has not really tried to get a job since then. He will not even try to get his driver's license and has just a permit.

On Christmas Eve he left in the middle of a night in one of the worst blizzards we have ever had to be with his best friend so they could party. He told other friends that he was so cold that he jumped in dumpsters to get warm. We told him Christmas Day that he had until Feb to get a job, get in school, or the military, something and that no one was allowed over, period. Especially after a week before when we were awakened by some drunk girls him and his friend tried to sneak into the house while we were asleep.

Then last night he and his best friend slipped into the house while we were asleep, drunk again. He has sold almost everything he owns to get cigarettes and is now stealing from us to sell things for money. He is also lying, telling horrible stories about how we mentally and physically abuse him, things that just break my heart to think that he could say.

My husband has tried to keep things calm as I am very ill due to MS and FMS and stress exacerbates the pain and symptoms but my son is a major stressor. I just do not know what to do. He has even stolen my medications to get high. We had him in counseling but he would just leave, walk out, and refused to go after he was 18. He just wants to have a good time and not be responsible for hisself or his actions.

And he is so inconsiderate. Back in July my husband fell from a roof and almost completely severed his arm and was hospitalized for a while then on restrictions afterward. So neither of us were able to do yard work and told our son he could do it (its not like he had a job). But he had to be told to cut the grass numerous times and then got mad if we kept asking. He would disappear for days so he would no have to do it.

I just don't know what to do. I really cannot take any more but I don't want my child living on the street either, but sometimes wonder if that would maybe give him a wake-up call.

Can anyone offer any advice? I don't know if this helps, but he is the middle child of three, ages, 17, 18, and 20. His oldest sister is in the Navy and his youngest sister is still at home and finishes schooling this year.

SeniorCitizen's picture

I really hate to be "cold-hearted" but tough-love seem's to be the need here. You've already given him until Feb. so I would stick with it. He has to move out, period. Remind him about the February deadline and add one thing to it. GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE!

SnglDad's picture

Sounds like an inconsiderate and selfish person. First of all I would not only tell him, but would also tell his friends that they are not to be inside YOUR home unless they are invited by YOU or your HUSBAND, no on e else has the authority to allow them to enter YOUR home. You have almost no way of holding him responsible for the things he steals, or for his continual disregard for your home. Since he has not been keeping his end of the bargain all along, I would retract the Feb deadline and let him know that he is there on a day by day basis. The next time he breaks a rule, or refuses to do as he is told, he will be told to leave the household. The results you see will depend on how tough you are willing to be. Whatever you do, you and your husband need to be on the same page and not give in. I wish there were more to say, but this is a tough spot you are in. Good luck.

tepadventures.com's picture

I am sorry that you have to deal with the stress of an unconsiderate son. It seems that he has not grasp hold of accoutability and that is what he needs to learn. He needs to understand that every choice that he makes has consequences. As a parent, I know that we do not want to see our children suffer, but it is necessary at times for theme to become responsible adults. As a parent you need to stand strong for peace in your home and let him know what is acceptable and what is not in his behavior. Let him know that he will be held accountable for everythings that he does. If he does not like it, he is of age, let him find his own way. If he wants to come back, tell him that it will be on your own terms and not his. This is your house and place of fefuge and you will not allow anything to distroy that. He has the choice, if he chooses to live on the streets, there is nothing that you can do about it but pray for him. I know what you are going through, I have been there.
Stay strong, Love Must Be Tought.
"Love Must Be Though" is a book written by James Dobson who is "Focus on the Family" host. It is a good book to read.