carcharm's picture
carcharm

16 year old stalking

My 16 yr old son broke up with a girl he dated for a yr in Oct. She initiated the break up and he is/was devestated. I've been monitoring his facebook/texting messages and I am getting more and more concerned that he is obsessing/stalking her. I am glad they parted just cuz they are both so young to be serious... which he was more than her. He will text her 10 times and she will answer once. She has not initiated 1 text message since Oct...he contacts her. He has 560 text's so far this month with 1/4 of those all to her. I emailed her and asked if he was bothering her to let me know but she said that he has been polite and that she cares about him. I think she only answers his texts because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. It's been 3 months and I am worried about his obsession with her. My husband feels I am interferring with his life and that I shouldn't try to control his life. I feel I am parenting him and am concerned about his behavior. He doesn't talk to anyone about the breakup-not even his older brothers. Am I wrong to get involved? Any advice on how to help him? I've suggested he not text her and if she is interested she will contact him - which I would feel so much better about. Thanks!



mayamay's picture
mayamay

I'd get the family involved together in some new thing. All of you have to go somewhere together a couple of times a week and do something real; pack boxes at the food bank, family job cleaning the movie theater, cross country skiing, membership at the fitness club.

And yes, he has to go.

Does he have a job? Involved in scouting? That might help, too.

carcharm's picture
carcharm

Thanks for the advice. I am currently laid up with a fractured ankle but good idea about getting out together a few times a week. I'll think about what we can do. He is in the process of getting hired for a job. Just waiting for the interview etc... he has a friend who works there so hopefully he will be working soon. He is on a bowling league after school but I think it is to impress her cuz she was in gymnastics... and is very athletic. We just bought a hot tub that I hope will be working soon... just waiting for the electrical work to be done. My biggest issue is that my husband does not feel I should pry into his business but my instincts are saying this situation is serious and needs our input. Thoughts?

mayamay's picture
mayamay

I think the only interfering you need to do is to let the girl's parents know that you are aware of and concerned about the situation, and that you are taking steps to get him involved in other things.

SnglDad, any thoughts?

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

My daughter's ex did the same thing, texting her many times a day for months after their break up. (She is 26, he is 31.) My daughter also did not want to hurt his feeling. See how things go once your son is working and otherwise occupied. Your input at this time can be remaining vigilant and providing your son with activities and the love and support of your family.

carcharm's picture
carcharm

I thought about this however her parents are very strict to the point of abuse. She was slapped across the face for not answering her cell phone while in our basement where we get no reception. When I heard this I called and told her that S. was telling the truth about no reception. I fear they may take recourse either to S. or us.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

In that case, just address keeping him involved in other things. If you feel the girl is being abused, you should report to the police. They will send an investigator who will gather facts to determine if that is so. I've been a foster parent, and in our state the system is set up so that the authorities don't get involved unless it is clear that the situation is abusive.