16 year old daughter hates me
I am having the worst time with my oldest daughter. She will be 16 this month. She has always been a well-mannered child, a good student, an athelete and she has friends. However, two years ago in 8th grade, she transferred to a new school, which she loves, but last year, she got to be friends with a senior girl on her lacrosse team who is a really bad influence. Through her, she has also gotten to be friends with this girl's best friend who is in college. She is not allowed to hang out with them but we have not forbid her from talking/texting them because things have been contentious enough over this whole issue. These girls counsel her on how to fight with me and how bad she's got it at home. She has turned in to a different person and is so mean and hateful to me (her mom) and sometimes to her sister, less so to her father. I became so concerned at the end of the school year that I talked to a counselor at school who recommended a psychologist, and my daughter and I have been seeing her seperately all summer. Last week, I shared with my daughter my concern about her talking to these girls for 20 and 30 minutes at a time on her cell phone - like don't they have friends their own age? This weekend, I get my phone bill and she's been up past midnight talking to the college girl after we've had this whole discussion. So last night, after being Mrs. Give-In-and-Let-Her-Do-What-She-Wants-To-Improve-Our-Relationship, I told her she needs to start putting her phone on the charger in the kitchen every night at 10pm instead of before she goes to bed. She started crying. She was so upset (she was supposed to call one of the girls). She told me how much she hated me; that she had hated me since 8th grade and even before (for more than 2 years); that none of her friends hated their mothers and they all think I'm aweful; that everything is my fault; that I'm annoying; that I overreact to everything; that I'm always wrong, and on and on. I just cried. I know that was the wrong thing to do and was totally self-pitying, but I am worn out. All I wanted was to be a good mom and I have completely failed. This has been going on so long and she won't even hug me anymore. I just don't know what to do. I just feel such a failure and so very sad.