alliauthentic's picture

15 year old girl having problems with parents.

I do NOT understand my parents. I am 15, and female. My parents are too overprotective or something. I make decent grades in school, they range from a's - c's. My parents always say NO. I never get a good reason though. I am a questioner, if they tell me no then I ask why not?. And It's always the same answer, "Because I said so, and i'm the boss". In all honesty, I DO NOT do drugs or drink. I know many teenagers lie about this, but I'm telling the truth. I don't see any reason to get caught up in that stuff. Multiple times people have offered me alcohol and drugs, but I have turned them down. I HAVE NOT had sex, and I am going to wait until I find someone that I love completely, and when i feel ready. I have a brother whose 4, and i used to ALWAYS have to babysit him. And now it feels like he gets NO punishment. Sure they whip him, lock him in his room, and give him timeouts every now and then, but i do not believe they understand parenting. (btw, i was raised mainly by my grandma, my parents were always too busy to take care of me). So, my chores around the house is to clean the kitchen, which means washing all the dishes, cleaning the counters, sweeping the floor, cleaning off the stove, and cleaning out the refrigerator. Lately i HAVE been slacking off because i DO NOT understand why i'm not allowed to go off and have fun with my friends if i do my chores. My dad is lazy, he got fired and now he sits at home 24/7 doing nothing but collecting checks from the government every week, and my mom goes to work at an auto parts store. So here's my dilemma... I've NEVER been allowed to hang out with my friends much. I want more freedom, and I want to be able to hang out with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is 16, and he has his license. He's a decent kid, and my dad let him drive me home ONE day. After that my dad kept saying no. My dad won't let me ride with him ANYWHERE. During the week i'm not allowed to do ANYTHING because of school. I'm supposed to get outta school at 1:45, and ride the bus home and do absolutely nothing until the next day when i go to school. And during that time when I'm at home I'm doing ABSOLUTELY nothing. You know how it is when you live out in the middle of nowhere, and everyone is always doing something and you feel so lonely, and your parents DON'T even care. I don't know how to get them to let me hang out with my friends. Their reason for me not being able to do anything after school is just because i have to do my homework, which i always do. I don't believe my parents know much about parenting, and their too stubborn to realize it. I live in a really small town, where there's NO movies or anything. Are their any parents who can help me out. I just don't understand any of this, and i'm so lonely and when i tell them they don't even listen. They're always on their computers, or watching tv. I NEED a way to make them understand. Please help me.

casey22's picture

reading this makes me sad you seem like a good kid sometimes parents have children and know nothing about raising them ,it sounds like to me you are being neglected and that is against the law your brother should never be locked in his room i feel time out is the best answer but i could never lock my child in a room and im almost positive that is abuse .if you have tried to talk with your parents and they never listen im not sure they ever will try to focus on school that is your ticket to a better could ask them if they would consider to go to family therapy .if things are as bad as they seem can you talk to someone at school tell them what is going on and they may know ways to help or at least they might can get you help just know it isnt your fault no matter what .i would also tell someone how your little brother is locked in his room and how you are the one who takes care of him .as for your dad times are hard it isnt easy to find a job ,people can get hooked on the computer just like drugs and drinking it is a serious condition .about the cleaning well their isnt anything wrong with helping to take care of a home but with your dad out of work it would be nice for him to help to instead of sitting around being lazy .i hope you can get this worked out just stay strong learn from the wrong you see being done and GOOD LUCK ! sometimes kids do not understand that parents know all the bad that can happen to our kids because we lived through them already it could be that they had alot of bad things put on them and they want to protect you "thats what real parents do "but if you feel like you are being neglected then you may need to speak to someone to get help i would try the school first talk to them they may be able to talk with your parents maybe set a meeting up so you can tell your parents how you feel and they can tell you why they do this and how they feel sometimes it helps to bring someone in who isnt involved someone from the outside they can see things clearer from both your side and your parents.. Take care

acitez's picture

If you insist that your free time be spent with your boyfriend, well, that would not work with me, and I'm a pretty good parent. I think you should look in to signing up for sports or music or some extracurricular stuff or church stuff that gets you into a circle of friends and acquaintances.

It sounds like both of your parents may have some mental health issues, which makes things really tough. Do you have grandparents or an aunt nearby?

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

If what you are saying is true, you are a good kid. Some parents are just very over-protective. I can understand their concern w/ you going out w/ your BF alone, but they shld let you out of the house to see your friends. You need to socialize at your age. It's all part of being a teenager. Maybe you can meet half way w/ your parents. Do you think they'd be willing to give you time w/ your friends if they're there w/ you? This may be the only solution. Otherwise, try to just ride it out. Before long, you'll have your license and a bit more freedom. You still have to respect your parents' wishes as long as you're living under their roof, but it does get better. Just don't rebel like I did. Your a good kid. Keep it that way.

pbrown's picture

Parenting doesnt come easy for any parent. I have a 15 yo daughter myself and I will tell you that I'm very protective of her. Reading your letter sounds like something my daughter would write. She is an honor student and really a great kid. But in all honesty I dont allow her to go off with anyone that drives unless its a grown up. Its not that parents want to restrict you from having any fun its just that your too young to be dating and going off with older teenagers. With you being a female its even harder for a parent, boys your age are out for one thing from girls and parents have been there and know this. Its not that we dont trust you and your decisions its just girls are very insecure with whom they are at this age and are very vulnerable to being accepted or liked by everyone especially by boys. When you get older you will understand why your parents didnt allow many things that you want to do. Last thing a mother or father wants is for something like pregnancy to happen to there 15 yo daughter or to get involved with drinking or drugs. I do take my daugher to the mall and sometimes will drop her off there to meet a group of friends but she knows that if she leaves the mall she will suffer the consequences. During the school week though its all about her school work..she is on the yearbook staff and does go to the school to take pictures when there is a game or special event and she goes to church on wednesday..All I can tell you is to be patient you will be grown before you know it, don't try to rush it...If possible get involved with school activities or church so that you can get out of the house and socialize with friends and your parents will know where you are and with whom. I feel your pain..just try to understand if you had a daughter what would you want for her. Would you want boys all over her? or someone trying to push drugs or alcohol on her? Today's time is so very different than when your parents were growing up, its very dangerous in the real world, eventually your parents will have to let you go and be yourself but i don't believe now is the time. You sound like a wonderful person and I assure you that your parents do care and are only trying to protect you. So try not to beat up on your parents too much..i know my daughter gets upset with me at times too but she knows I love her more than anything and want the very best for her..I'm sure your parents do as well. When you have a child of your own you will, I promise you, understand all the rules your parents have given you. Be patient it all will be over before you know it.

Mzz Lily's picture
Mzz Lily
My parents never let me go anywhere.Every thing is no.I'm not going ton lie i have a boy friend and i love him very much> my parents are so strict . they just dont realise wwhen they be so strict causes us to do all sorts of wrong things when we have to be sneaky an underneat its best for us to be open
Pearl333's picture
I'm Trying to look for the good in your parents because when you think about it if they let you go out all the time and don't ever say no that seems like neglect. If your parents let you do whatever that shows they don't care. Your parents don't sound like financially they are doing well. They are probably so strict with you bc you are a good kid and they know an education with no distractions is how you will have a life better then theirs. I'm sure whatever they are doing is out of love. Right or wrong it's hard to be a parent and I also remember is hard to be a teen. Especially if your a good kid and just want a little trust. Try to talk to them without judgment, calmly, and eloquently express that you want to know why they think they are making the right choice for you. Don't make it sound like they are wrong. If you really want to know be genuine and open.